I think I’m excited. But then again I always say that right when I am about to go to school, but this time, I sort of am. I mean, I look way different. Way, I mean, way. I don’t think I recognize myself. Which is weird, in so many ways… I straighten my hair one more time and walk down the stairs. Dramatic exit… which no one in the family is in the living room to see… Gee. What fun.
I go to the kitchen and Mom and Dad are glaring at each other, and Dawn’s smiling happily at the table. What a scene.
“Dad? I need to go already,” I say, as I grab a piece of toast from the counter not bothering to greet anyone. I snuggle my head against Dawn’s shoulder for a second and kiss her head. She gives me such a huge innocent grin, it takes me breath away and I wish that Dawn would stay eight forever.
“Right. Joyce, you’re talking Dawn?”
She looked at him briefly. “Sure.” Parents, they are so immature. I walk over and take my new purple bag (which I bought all buy myself, with my own money) and wait for Dad toget inside the car. Doesn’t he know I have to be early, I mean, seriously, FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL! He finally gets in and starts the engine, without even saying anything. I roll my eyes at him us I change the radio station to something normal other than weird music from old people times. Dad sort of glares at me and I sigh in annoyance. It is so frustrating living in house with Mom and Dad lately. All they do us fight and then they blame everything on me and Dawn.
Like everything they are doing is a favor for us. Well we didn’t ask for you guys to be parents, and you know being a parent takes a lot of fucking favors. It is so annoying and they act so immature about it. Once we finally get to school and he goes into the carpool and it is safe for me to get out and not get run over by a crazy parent, I make sure to slam the door. Loud. I stalk towards the entrance of the school when I see the guard at the front of the door. Shit, stupid ID, with the stupid ID. I can’t believe they are making us bring our fucking IDs on the first day of school! Who the hell remembers to bring them?
I go to the side were the Dean of the school is signing people in who forgot their IDs. As I am waiting to sign my name in (happy to see I wasn’t the only one who forgot about the stupid IDs) I see this tiny little person walk inside the school, tiny little sevie. I smile at her, and she looks up at me with these huge wide eyes and I feel bad for her. She has no idea what is coming to her.
“Name?”
I look up at the principle of The Upper School and try to smile but I’m in a mood, as Mom would call them.
“Buffy Summers,” I sigh. She looks through the list, and why do they have a list of eight hundred students.
I roll my eyes at it and walk through when she tells me I can. I walk slowly towards were the ninth grade hallway is shut my eyes. I am about to walk into it when…
“Holy Shit, is that you!” I turn around and a full-blown smile crosses my face.
“Xander!” I laugh as I run towards him and give him the best hug I could muster without out bags of books colliding and well, killing us.
“Buffy Summers, look at you, you got hott! With a capital H!” he says, and I can’t help it but smile and blush at his comment.
“Xander…” I say, as my cheeks turn red, but in a good way, in a happy way.
“Turn around,” he says, as he drops his books and bag to the floor. I oblige and I feel my hair whooshing around me. He whistles and I have to smile. We walk into the hallway together and I feel people staring at me and I look down and smile at the thrill of it. Yeah people, Buffy Summers is back and she is hotter than fucking ever, I laugh evilly in my head.
Xander stops at his locker and I talk to him for moments before I head down towards were my locker would be. I open it nicely and stuff everything inside before rushing back up towards the hallway and look for Willow. I see Willow talking to someone really tall and I rush up to her.
I haven’t seen her since I left to England. All we have done is talk on the phone, a lot, which my grandfather was really pissed about but still, I needed to know all the gossip going around while I wasn’t here.
“Willow!” I say, opening my arms wide and I see her eyes widen in surprise as she hugs me.
“Omigod, Buffy! You look amazing. Your hair and your… omigod!” We start laughing, and she keeps touching my hair, which is blonde now. I feel someone looking at me and I turn around and see who Willow was talking to and my heart stops and my mouth drops. No fucking way.
“Angel,” I say in astonishment as I hug him. I feel his arms come around my waist, and omigod his arms are so strong! His arms were never strong before.
“Buffy, hey,” he whispers. I let go and look him up and down fully and then finally up at his eyes, which are so dark and intense looking.
“You got so tall! And… Angel your braces came off! I’m so happy for you!” I babble happily.
“And your so… blonde,” he murmurs as he takes a piece of it in his hand. I feel a rush go down shoulders and bite my lip nervously, all the while still holding onto Angel. Who got so fucking hot, what was that about? I’m supposed to be hot, will Angel can to, but still. But he is so hot, almost like Brad Pitt or something. No, better. Angel is so hot, and tall. Short Angel is tall. Like five fucking six or seven inches. And I’m only five two!
I look back at Willow and Xander who joins and I smile happily at them until I feel Angel grab hold onto my hand. I look up at him and he smiles this cute little smile and I feel my whole insides melt. I look quickly back at Willow who is smiling happily at what she is seeing happing between me and Angel.
The whole summer I wrote Willow, and phoned her and I confessed to my crush on Angel. She said he liked me, but who could have liked me? I wasn’t pretty, I was chubby and spoiled and mean. I twirl my hair in my hand while my left one is securely safe in Angel’s hand. That sounds nice. Securely safe.
The bell rings and Willow and Xander rush off towards their homeroom, which I guess they obviously have together. I look at Angel who seems to be a lot more quiet then I remember.
“Did you go mute over the summer?” I demand with a smile on my face.
His whole face breaks into this huge smile and I feel myself… melt. He is so beautiful. I am such a lonney.
“Nope,” he says.
“Where is your homeroom?” I ask as we start walking down the hallway, still hand holding by the way.
“Library,” he replies.
“Me too!” I say excited but then it sort of disappears because we start to pass these evil people. The are called popular people, but I gave them a new term this summer.
I feel them looking at me I don’t look back at them but I walk foreword. I feel myself start to break though. It’s not easy knowing that I was once one of them and I had the school at my hands, sort of. Then I feel it…slowly at first and then it gets harder. Angel is squeezing my hand. Angel is being my life support.
“Ignore them,” he whispers.
We walk right past them and nothing happens. Nothing happened. I’m still alive.
I look up at Angel and he smiles down at me. I give him the best smile I can muster up and I think it works because his eyes sort of sparkle in response. And I just can’t get over how different he looks. He is tall and musically and his voice, it isn’t squeaky anymore and he looks so old! Well, older. But in a good way. A very good way.
We walk into the library and we sit down next to some people from our grade, and wow! Look at all these high school people, this is awesome!
See when we where is middle school, we had homeroom with people from our grade so we could get used to each other because so many new kids come in seventh and eighth grade. But now that we are in High School they combine it with other High Schoolers which is so cool cause I mean wow, we are finally in High School. I’m not a tiny little middle school person anymore, I’m in high school. This is so cool. I think I can get used to this.
We sit down on the red carpet, because there are no more chairs left and I see Ford looking at us, his face really dark. I shudder and muster up wave and give him the best smile I can manage which is not so big. He looks at me and Angel for a second and back at me and he nods his head slightly and keeps talking to whoever he is talking to. I look over at Angel and he is looking at me and Ford with this weird expression on his face. Maybe jealousy! Yah!
“What?” I question, as the teacher (who has the fattest ass I have ever seen in my life) starts talking.
He looks at Ford one more time before he looks at me again. “Are you still into Ford?”
My eyes widen, how did he know about me and Ford? I know I never mentioned anything to him about me and Ford being those kind of friends. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Play dumb, I’m positive Angel is going to fall for that.
He looks at me for a second, and he seems upset, or angry. “Buffy, don’t play dumb and don’t treat me like I am stupid.”
I try to speak but my mouth starts to get dry but I think I have a funny expression on my face because Angel is laughing. This isn’t funny. He grabs hold of the end of my big sweatshirt and put his hands through the sleeve hole so he can grab hold of my hand, which is inside the sweatshirt. He twines our hands together inside the sweatshirt and then pulls our hands out.
I look up at him slowly and he has that really pretty smile on his face again. “Even if I was into Ford… not that I ever was. I’m not into him anymore.”
His smile sort of grows and he squeezes my hand lightly. My heart is beating way to fast and I think… this is so weird, but my stomach is sort of squelching from desire. I gulp.
“Do you like someone?” he whispers, and I’m not sure if he is whispering to be sexy or because the teacher is right near us. (and what fat ass!) I think it might be both.
“Yeah,” it’s okay to trick them once in a while.
“Really?” and he sounds sort of surprised to and disappointed. “Do I know him?”
I scrunch my noise, and smile happily before replying. “It’s a girl but shh!” I say in a loud whisper.
Angel cracks a huge grin at this comment and I give him a sly smile. We finally start to listen to the teacher with the big ass and finally when she gives us our schedule me and Angel start to compare as we walk out. I look over at his piece of paper and see his code.
“Angel, tell me your code?” I say as I try to grab hold of his schedule.
“No,” he says as he moves his hand away.
“Angel! You have to tell me, I’m your best friend!” I say as I try to get it back.
He moves his hand up high and I try and jump and get it, but it doesn’t work. I’m to short. Jeez… I hate being short. We start walking down the main hallway towards the ninth grade hallway, Angel with his hand being up and me jumping and not reaching. Right when we are about to go inside our hallway I reach his hand and sort of force it down and I look up at him in triumph but suddenly, we are really close together and Angel’s eyes turn super dark. I look up at him, eyes sort of wide, my hand still holding his wrist but slowly moving down towards his hand.
My breath seems to halt and all I can think is he is going to kiss me, right before first period. My heart is beating hard against me and I feel his hand come up and sort of cup my cheek and I still can’t believe we are doing this in the middle of the hall during school. His breath is puffing against me and I swear I think he is going to kiss.
“Buffy!” omigod, omigod, omigod, this isn’t happening.
I turn around with a tight smile on my face as I face Willow and Xander. Willow looks guilty almost and Xander seems oblivious. Stupid, stupid Xander, couldn’t he see Angel was about to kiss me?
“What classes did you get?” Xander said, shoving his schedule at me.
I snarl at him and he still doesn’t get that he did something bad and Angel is being such a total guy by moving away from me. Boys, they are so dumb!
***
Mom drops me off at Angel’s house, and this is like three weeks after school started. Once I get to his house I ring the doorbell. His mom comes to the door and smiles nicely at me before telling me Angel is in his room. I give her a big smile and I run up the stairs.
I run into his room close the door and flop on the bed without even looking at him. And I don’t need to look at him to know he is probably at his huge CD collection and probably polishing it or something. He is so obsessed with it, it's crazy. He looks at me, to acknowledge me and then gets back to his CDs. Whatever, fucker.
Ever since that very fateful day in the school hallway Angel has in no way tried to kiss me again, and you know a girl can get really impatient. I mean, we have had our fair share of flirting, yes he has held my hand at almost every chance he gets, and he always has his arm around my shoulder when we are around other guys, and whenever we go see movies he pulls me really close to him. So I know he likes me, so why the hell doesn’t he play on it? Am I just crazy? Well, yes, but still! He likes me and I know it! … Guys are so stupid.
“Angel… can we go already?” I say as I get up from his bed and stand right in front of him.
He looks up at me and suddenly I feel really tall, until he gets up and I feel really short. Stupid tall Angel. “Yeah, let's go now.”
We are planning to go to the movies and plan to take his bike and his sister’s, Kathy’s, maybe if she lets us. She can be so spoiled sometimes, just like Dawn. He knocks on her door and she opens it and looks at us.
“Can Buffy borrow your bike?” Angel asks as nicely as he can.
She looks me up and down, and sometimes I feel like she just needs a big sister, I mean she looks so… boyish. “Sure, but don’t scratch it.”
“Wouldn’t think about it,” I reply as we start going down the stairs.
Once we are on the trail and head towards the Movie Theater, we sneak to are hidden short cut that cuts thorough the woods. I suddenly stop the bike and wait for Angel to do the same.
“Why did you stop?” he asks as I lay my bike on the floor.
I look up at him and give him a secret smile. “Let’s get lost!”
“What?”
“Let’s do it, not think about it. I always wanted to get lost in the woods,” I say happily as I start to move way inside the woods.
“Buffy! The bikes!” Angel says, still standing were I left him.
I turn back around and look him happily in the face. “Hide them or something.”
Five minutes later, I hear Angel running up to catch up with me, cause I’m not going to wait for him.
“Buffy,” he says once he finally reaches me. “Do you have any idea where we are going?”
I look over at him and raise my eyebrows. “No, that’s the point of getting lost.”
I finally stop walking once I reach the edge of a brown river that is really ugly looking. Angel stops right next to me and looks at the river. We seem to be deep in the forest. I turn around and Angel is right in my face, and I think my cheeks are flaming a little bit and my heart is jumping out of my chest and he is standing right in front of me.
I gulp and look up at him. He is so tall. “I think we got lost.”
“Yeah,” he whispers.
I turn away quickly and look out to the filthy river. I take a deep breath and slowly turn back around again. He is so close, and yet… Why am I so scared?
I look him right in the eye and his cheeks are red and mine are probably red to. He is standing so close, and it’s weird and yet… “Kiss me.”
He leans in and his lips feel so nice against mine. I feel his hands move to my back and hold me steady in his arms, while I sort of leave my arms hanging at my side and I like the way that feels, having his arms holding onto my back, tightly. He lets go, with one more brush of his lips on mine and hugs me close to him and I feel this huge smile spread across my face. I look up at him and he sort of leans his forehead against mine and he has this sort of awkward expression on his face. I think it’s good.
“That was nice,” I whisper against his chest.
He smiles this cute little smile and kisses my forehead and hugs me close to him again. I yank at his shirt and he looks down at me again and I bite my lip in happiness as to what happened.
“What?” and his voice is so light and happy.
“Kiss me again,” I whisper and he smiles at my demand and kisses me again. And God it feels so good.
9th Grade- Trimester Two- January, 2000
It's weird, sitting here at a hair salon getting my hair done all nice and fancy. It's nice and cool and stuff but weird. And exciting all the same. I never had my hair done, in a pretty way with lots of nice wavy curls and everything. And my nails, which I had also gotten done, all pale pink matching my dress. Yup, Homecoming is tonight and I'm so excited, but not. I am going with Angel, which is amazing in its own way; cause Angel, but then again not. Ever since that day in the woods, everything has been so different.
He seemed so happy about what happened and when we had arrived at his house after the bike ride, he kissed me again, and it seemed so wow and great. And then school happened. I don't understand what happened but he seemed so uncanny about the whole thing. Like he wanted to pretend it didn't happen. He told me not to tell anyone and I pretend to be all cool and telling him, "Why would I?"
What he didn't know was that I had went home that day and cried for so long on my bed, not understanding what happened. I remember Willow coming over and having to hold me as I cried for so long. I felt like everything that happened with Ford was happening all over again, heartbreak, hurt and anger. The difference this time was the fact that Ford wanted my attention, he wanted to be seen with me in public, he didn't shy away from what happened, he didn't hang out with other girls.
That was one of the worst days I had ever experienced. I had called Angel asking if he wanted to go see a movie. He said he couldn't, his parents needed him for something. So I went with Fred. The movie wasn't bad it was what I had seen after the movie that made myself lock myself in my room for the rest of the weekend. Angel there, with Darla and Gwen, talking and laughing. I remember making this sort of choking sound and running off, Fred going after me.
The lady that is doing my hair turns me around and I see myself in the mirror and I look so, pretty. I never felt pretty, beautiful. And looking at myself right now, with my hair curled in smooth waves all I can help but think about is that Angel might find me pretty when he looks at me. When Mom sees me she has this huge smile on her face, and even though I have been so mad with her and Dad lately, I can't help but smile back at her.
Once we finally get back to the house and I look at myself in the mirror I feel a tear slip down, because this is supposed to be my first High School Dance and I'm not happy or excited about it! I remember when Angel asked me, it was so surreal. Our parents were having his parents for dinner and he was in my room when I came home from Willow's. I remember looking at him before putting my bag down.
FLASHBACK
"Buffy," Angel says.
"Angel, hi," I say as I slump my bag on the floor and look at anything but him. I had barely seen him at all in the last two weeks. And he was the one that was avoiding me. I finally got the message around a month ago that he wanted nothing to do with me.
He puts his hands in his pockets, and I know when he does that he either gets a. nervous or b. doesn't know what to say. "You can go on the computer if you want."
He looks over at my computer and frowns. "Oh uh that's okay."
"Fine," I say as I roll my eyes and walk over to my computer log in to my AIM.
I start talking to Willow when Angel starts speaking. "So, what have you been up to?"
I turn around at him, a little surprised. "What?"
"You do anything interesting lately?"
"You would know, but you are the one avoiding me," I say.
I can see he is hurt by this, but I don't care anymore. He hurt me and now I am done with being his pet monkey who will whine all over him. If he wants to be anything with me then he will be the one to initiate it.
"Are you going to homecoming with anyone?"
I look over at him, and quickly write into my IM to Willow 'brb, Angel is trying to be nice suddenly' and put my away message on before turning to fully face him. He is sitting on the edge of my bed and he is looking down and from time to time looking over at me.
"Why do you care?" This is getting really annoying, him trying to be all friendly. We aren't friends anymore so he can cut all the friendly bull.
"I'm just curious, I guess."
"No, happy now?" as I swirl around and face my computer again.
He is quite for a moment before asking, "Did nobody ask you?"
"No."
"No as you were asked or No as in nobody asked you?" I see he is amused with his stupid joke and I glare at him. He shuts up.
"I was asked."
"If you were asked why didn't you go with any of them?" he says and his face is so serious, and I still don't understand what he wants from me.
I finally turn around from my chair and stand up and look down at him. This is starting to be really annoying. What is his right to ask me twenty questions? "Because I didn't want to go with any of them."
"Oh… who asked you?"
"Ford, Parker, and Riley," I reply briskly.
"Three people asked you," he seemed to choke, good.
"Five, but Xander and Spike don't count."
"Oh."
He is such an idiot. "Are you going?"
"I don't know. I think I might ask Nina, or Darla."
I can't even talk; his assholeness is staring to get to me. I start to breathe deeply and I think I feel the tears welling in my eyes. I turn around and grab my night pack and start shoving clothes in them. I shake my head and I already feel the tears wanting to fall down my cheeks.
"Where are you going?" he asks quickly as he stands.
I look up at him for a second and then continue packing my bag and reply, "Willow, or Xander's or whoever. I don't want to be here right now."
I don't hear anything so I assume he has given up when I feel him take a step towards me. I throw my bag on my shoulder but he is blocking my way out. "Why are you crying?"
I look up at him angrily and glare. "Why the fuck do you think, you aren't that big of a moron Angel."
He seems in shock for a second and doesn’t move so I push him out of my way and I guess he is surprised because he falls over and hits his head against my closet and falls to the ground. I drop my bag immediately and lean over him touching the bump on his head that is now forming.
I look down at him and suddenly I notice our too close bodies. I feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest and this isn't good, this isn't good at all. I start to move away but Angel holds onto my arms and holds me where I am.
"Buffy…" he whispers and he seems so broken some how.
"Angel, I really should-"
"I was scared," he cuts my off. "I was so scared, and you were… every time I saw you my heart jumped and I was scared, and guys were making fun of me that I was whipped and Buffy, I'm so sorry. I was killing myself and I remember I was going to come one day and say how sorry I was but you were crying on your bed and I knew it was because of me, and, God I am so sorry…
"Go to Homecoming with me?"
I was a little shocked, just a little. "You're – me, Angel, omigod!"
I stand up and turn around and I feel him do the same to. I look at my wall and I feel him take hold of my shoulder and squeeze it. I turn around fast and my heart is beating out of my chest and the way he is looking down at me is so scary and yet, it's like he lives for me.
"Angel…"
"Please, don't," he whispers and pulls me into his embrace and I hit him and pull away.
"Who do you think you are? First you avoid me like the plague and now you expect me to come and welcome you back with open arms?"
He seems quite and defeated and broken and I'm happy he is. Because that is how I felt when he didn't hold my hand at school, and didn't want to tell anyone about us. He hurt me more than I was ever hurt by anyone else. I turn around and sit on my bed and he follows me and sits next to me, and takes hold of my hand.
"Buffy, I am sorry. And I can't change anything, but if you let me…"
"Why should I? You were my friend, Angel! You were my best friend! And I trusted you and you killed it yourself."
He takes my other hand and I look down at them. My hands are so small and his are so big. His is are so rough, and mine are soft. They are so different from each other, but they match each other anyways. My hands sitting perfectly in his.
"Angel… us together or any way, doesn't work, we are just diff-"
"Buffy, I promise you, if you let me try I will make it up to you, I need you. You're my best friend."
I look up at him, and he is so serious. "Angel, please don't make me regret this."
His face turns into this huge full blown smile and my heart breaks a little more. "I promise you won't."
But I already am.
END FLASHBACK
So he wasn't forced or anything, but still. It wasn't like he was suddenly all over at school or anything. Yeah he was a little nicer, saying hi at least and even stopping by my locker. But it didn't change all that much.
Someone opens my door to my room and Faith walks in with her dress in hand. I smile at her.
"What's wrong?" she immediately says.
I roll my eyes. "Nothing."
"Yeah right. Now tell me what is going on."
"Faith nothing, just leave it at that, okay?" I say, thinking about Angel and everything that will have to happen tonight. Just thinking about it has made me in a bad mood.
"Well, don't say I never asked."
I give her an amused smile. "Thanks."
----
Looking at myself in the mirror with my dress, flowing around me, I can't help but feel… different. My dress, which is pale pink, shows a lot of back but when it comes up there are two thick fastenings making an X which tie around each other and then they both come to the front which makes it turn into a V line. And after that the dress sort of flows around me. It's really beautiful. And I feel really beautiful, but I still feel like I want the night to end already. I open the door and see Faith waiting for me; she is wearing a black dress that shows just a bit of cleavage.
She gets up and her mouth drops. "Buffy you are such a babe!"
I blush and roll my eyes. "Come on, we better go, it's already eight fifteen."
"B you look amazing, don't doubt yourself."
I look over at her and manage the best smile I can. "I'm not."
I take hold of the bag that mom got for me and wait for Faith to come. We are going to get dropped off by our parents and meet our dates there. Faith is going with Xander, believe it or not. Poor Willow is going to go alone.
Mom starts to take pictures and I roll my eyes and smile anyways. Once we finally get to the school and get out of the car its eight forty. Faith gets out quickly and runs past me and into the gym before I could do anything, and leave me here in the cold by myself. Gee thanks.
I'm about to enter the school when what I see stops my heart. Angel, standing there with flowers. Angel, waiting for me, moving back and forth waiting for me in the cold. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I don't know why. I come closer to him and we finally make eye contact and now there really are tears pouring down my face and standing right in front of him he hands me the white flowers he got me.
"Thank you," I murmur.
He cups my cheek and I touch my hand to his. He wipes the tears from my face "You're welcome… You look beautiful, Buffy."
"Thanks," I whisper. He pulls me into his arms and he leans his forehead against mine.
"I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispers. I nod my head and look up at him. His eyes are full of passion that I never have ever seen before and it is sort of freaking me out, but it's amazing. "Can I kiss you?"
I nod my head and he lightly touches his lips to mine, and I wrap my hands around his neck and he pulls me closer into him, and I feel like I am flying on a cloud and Angel is my anchor. I pull away when I feel like I need air and look into his eyes and they are full of so much happiness it sort of flutters my heart. I bite my lip and he smiles this huge smile down at me. He takes me into his arms and we walk inside (him still holding me very close to) the school the teachers' sort of smiling slyly at us and blush because they must have seen what happened, even though it was like twenty meters away from them.
"Names?" A teacher I don't know says.
"I know these kids," Mr. Storiesty says, my History teacher.
I smile at him through my tucked up place in Angel's shoulder. "Hi, Mr. Storiesty."
He highlights are names on the list to show we paid (Angel paid in advance) that we arrived and nobody can pretend to be us and we start walking down the hall. As we enter the theater (that is were we need to put our coats) Angel slowly takes my coat off, and lays it gently on a chair. I turn around to face him and he has this weird look in his eyes. I touch my hair and then look up at him. He steps closer to me and then pulls me all the way into his arms.
"Angel…" I whisper, but it sort of fades away because I know I am drowning in his eyes.
"You – you look amazing," as he cups my cheek and right now I am really glad I was late because no one is in the room. "I'm going to kiss you again, okay?"
I nod my head and before I know it his lips are on mine and I feel myself drowning in his arms and it feels so good and yet I'm still scared out of mind that he might leave me again. He lets go gently but stills holds me close to him. I look up at him and he holds me so tightly and yet… God this is only supposed to happen in the movies!
"I promise, Buffy. I'm so sorry," he says.
I nod my head and move away as he takes off his own jacket. We walk out and he grabs hold of my hand and we walk towards the cafeteria were the dance is being taken place. We walk in and immediately we are assaulted by Angel's friends.
"Dude, I thought you got here like twenty minutes ago," Larry says as he slaps Angel's back.
Angel smiles at him and pulls me closer to him. He looks down at me, and I feel my heart flip and my insides melt (not literally, of course). I hear Angel talking to his friends but I feel so content in my happy bubble I don't care that I am out of the conversation. But eventually I have to talk.
I pull on Angel's jacket and he cuts his sentence off and looks down at me. "What?" he smiles happily down at me.
"I'm going to see Will and Xand, kay?" I whisper so no one else can hear.
"I'll come with."
He says his goodbyes to his friends and we walk off, Angel still holding me tight, to find Willow and Xander. I see Xander is dancing with Faith like an interesting person and Willow dancing around with Fred, and Amy. I tape Willow on the shoulder and she spins around and her face sort of looks shocked and then she hugs me.
"Omigod, Buffy! You look amazing!" she squeals as she makes me turn around.
I look over at her. "You too!"
She looks over at Angel nervously and he is talking to Faith who stopped dancing with Xander. "You guys?"
I shrug slightly but I can't help the full blown smile that takes over my face. "I think so. I mean, I hope so."
She pulls close to me and whispers so no one else can hear. "Buffy, you have nothing to worry about. He is so in to you," and she moves her head so I know to look at him and he is staring at me with such, I don't know but it makes me shiver. The fast song that is playing now fades away and a new song starts up. A slow song.
Angel moves closer to me, and stands so close that almost every inch of his body is touching mine. "Dance with me."
I nod my head and he brings me closer to the center of the dance floor and holds me tight in his arms. I lean my head against his chest, and put my other hand that is not in his arm on his shoulder. Or I try to anyways. He looks down at me and sort of gives me this broody look but this happy broody look.
He tilts his head and goes down a little and our lips are almost touching. "Is it okay?"
I nod my head and Angel's lips touches mine and we are kissing in front of the whole High School to see. This has to be a dream.
----
Angel's Mom drops me off at home and I climb the stairs one step at a time. And I don't even care that Mom or Dad aren't downstairs to ask me how the dance was. Before I had entered the house Angel had kissed me goodbye. It was incredible but for some reason, I was still scared. Scared he would leave, scared he would find someone better, scared that he wouldn't come back.
When I get inside my room, I showered quickly to get rid of my make up and the stuff in my hair. I pull on my boy shorts and a big T- Shirt. I open my door quickly and walk inside Dawn's room to see her sleeping peacefully on her bed. I walk inside and sit on the side of her bed and touch her hair gently. Her eyes flutter open and she looks confused before she has a big smile on her face.
"Buffy!" she says in an excited whisper.
"Hey Dawnie." God I love her so much.
"I tried to stay up and wait for you to come home, but Mommy won't let me," she says.
"Wouldn't."
She looks confused and sort of scrunches her noise. "Mommy wouldn't let me."
I smile down at her and hug her close to me. "How was your dance thing?"
"It was great," I whisper.
I can already see she was falling back asleep and I smooth her hair. "Mommy wouldn't let me, I wanted to stay up."
She falls asleep quickly after that and I slowly walk out of her room and slip into mine. I go inside the cover of my bed and I am about to fall asleep when I hear a tapping at my window. At first I think it is nothing but then it keeps recurring and finally I climb out and open my window and frustration when a rock passes right by me.
"What the hell-" And I see Angel standing down at with at the bottom. “What are you doing here!” I yell at him in a hush whisper.
“I needed to see you.”
What! Omigod this is so not happing. “Are you crazy?”
“Over you, yes.”
Omigod, tears form in my eyes and omigod. I start breathing really deeply and my chest is heaving like I just ran a mile and without another word Angel starts climbing my tree. I step up and let him in and once he is standing in my room and he is looking down at me and holding my hands in his, I know I am about to faint.
“Wh- What are you doing here?” I ask desperately.
“I needed to see you. I uh I wanted you to know, that all I could think about was you and… I don’t want you to, you know, doubt anything.”
I don’t know how this happened but next thing I know is that I am in his arms and we are making out like a couple of crazy kids. I feel him smile as he kisses me, and I his hand twines it self through my hair, and it just feels… amazing.
We let go and stare at each other and he cups my cheek. “I can’t promise I won’t hurt you, but I’ll try not to.”
I look up at him and bring my hand to his hand that is cupping my cheek. “Why do you act so big, Angel? You’re only fourteen.”
He smiles down at me. “’Cause your fifteen, I don’t want to look young.”
I yawn real big and he chuckles at me. “Tired?”
“A little.”
“I’ll let you sleep,” he says. He starts to move to my window but I grab his arm.
“Wait,” I say as I pull him close to me. “Stay, for the night. Just to hold me.”
“And your parents?”
“I’ll just say your door was locked or something,” I say as he wraps both his arms around me.
“Really?” I nod my head.
He smiles at me before he goes down to kiss me and as I wrap my hands around his neck and hold him, for the first time this night, I’m truly blissfully happy, and complete.
9th Grade- Trimester Three- April, 2000
That feels so good. I mean really good. I really hope he doesn’t stop doing whatever he is doing to my neck. I moan loudly and I feel Angel hold onto me tighter.
“Angel,” I sigh when he lets go for a second. He looks down at me devilishly before he starts to kiss me again. I kiss back happily and God I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before. I start to reach my hands down his stomach towards his cock. I touch it through his pants and I hear the sharp moan that vibrates through his body. I look up at him and he has this look of ecstasy as I rub it gently, still through his pants.
I get up slowly, remove my shirt, and turn Angel over so now he is lying on his back. I unhook my bra and now I am only in my boy shorts. I pull at Angel’s jeans and until they are all the way down and slowly pull down at his boxers until he is totally bare to my gaze. I look up at him for a second before he takes my hand. I lower my mouth to his dick and suck slowly.
I hear him moan loudly, and I thank God again that his parents are out of town and the only person home is his brother. I suck harder, and slowly I start to feel him coming, I feel him want to pull me up but I stay were I am suck him as hard as I can. Once I feel the stickiness I let go and watch as he come all over my stomach and his own.
I laugh happily and lie on top of him as pulls me closer and cups my breast all the while panting deeply. “That… was so good.”
I smile happily up at him. “Really?”
He kisses me and I happily return it. I’ve been so happy I think I will burst. Ever since homecoming everything has been amazing. Me and Angel have been together ever since. And he has been so amazing, he even holds my books! And my hand, and my waist and my boobs… He is just so perfect.
Yeah, we’ve gotten pretty far, like 3rd base! Expect I won’t let him give me oral sex down there just because I don’t want him to. But I’ve made it pretty clear that I don’t want to have sex anytime soon.
“Why do I hear the theme of Dawson’s Creek?” I ponder as I lie on Angel.
“Maybe cause your cell phone is ringing?” Angel answers.
“Shit,” I say quickly as I get up and run around the room to find it. I see it piled under some of my clothes. I grab it quickly and breathlessly into it I say: “Hi!”
“Hi, Buffy?”
“Fred, hey watsup?” Angel looks up from where he is laying on his bed. His penis sticking up at me. He is such a pervert. I smile lovingly at him
“Um, something happened and… over the summer, I had an eating disorder.”
My heart stops and my thoughts fall away. What is she talking about? I knew that, she told me that already but why is she telling me again, why is she speaking so formally… “Okay… Fred what’s going on?”
“I lost a pound, and now the doctor I’m seeing is forcing me to go to a clinic, a rehab.”
I think my throat stops and I can barely breathe let alone say anything. “What?” and to my horror a tear wells in my eyes. “When?”
“Tomorrow, I think.”
I feel my voice clenching and I don’t know what to do! What to say. Angel already has his pants on, looking confused. What do I say? What do I do? “Wh – Where?” But all I want to know is why? Why?
“Some place in San Francisco,” she replies.
How can she be so calm! I don’t understand. “I’ll uh try to come and visit you? You do want me to come and visit right?”
“Of course!” She paused for a moment before continuing. “Buffy, I don’t want you to worry.”
“Fred… I- are you okay?” How can she be okay, she is going away. Forced from school. Oh God, what is everyone at school going to think? What are they going to say? Fred, little poor Fred, what are the going to say about her?
“I don’t know, but I don’t want you to worry, okay?” Fred whispered.
“Fred…” How can’t I worry?
“I gotta go, but we’ll talk, I promise.”
My heart is pounding in my head and I feel like I am in going in circles. “Fred, if you need anything…”
“I know.” And she hangs up.
I look up at Angel and I see the question in his eyes, but the cell phone is still in my hand and I just don’t know what to do. He gently takes my hand in his twines are fingers together. With his other hand he smoothes his hair, and with that one touch my heart sort of calms, but barely. The cell phone drops from my hand and I look up at Angel and I can tell he is panicked but trying not to show it cause his hands are shaking.
“What’s going on?” he whispers into my hair. Both are hands are touching each other at our hearts.
I look up at him and I laugh harshly. “Fred. She has an eating disorder, she’s going away.” And I say it so blankly it sort of freaks me out. Almost like it is an everyday occurrence.
Angel pulls away from me and I see the shock that is written all over his face. He didn’t see it coming. Guys don’t notice things like that, like girls being way to skinny. But me, me a girl, should have noticed that, I did notice it, and I did nothing about it. She told me not to worry, so I didn’t think twice about it, and now she is going away because she had friends like me who didn’t think about it, would could’t read goddamn signals. Terror clutches at my heart as it dawns on me that being Fred’s friend, one of her best friends, I should have done something. Said something!
My body is shaking and I hear Angel telling me is everything is going to be okay but nothing is okay. Fred is leaving and it’s all my fault because I didn’t do anything. Oh God, omigod. I pull away from him and look at him for a second. I was making out with my boyfriend while my friend had an eating disorder.
“I uh need to go,” I say as quickly as possible. I slip back into my jeans and pick up my jacket. But before I could even get two steps away Angel pulls me back to him, boxer clad and all. He could at least have the decency to get dressed.
“Buffy, you don’t need to hide from me,” he says gently as he cups my cheek.
I pull away roughly from him and glare at him. “I’m not hiding from you! Now let go, I have things to do.”
“Buffy!” Angel said as he started to walk after me.
I turn around so fast he falls trips over himself. “Angel, just leave me alone!”
And I walk away, happy he finally doesn’t follow.
---
A week, one whole week since Fred has been gone, and people are starting to notice. Starting to ask me where she is. I keep saying she went to Florida, but then Willow told someone she was in New York. And Amy told someone she went to the Bahamas. They are such idiots, I told them Florida!
Sitting in History, the only class I have with Fred, had with Fred, all I can do is look at the seat next to me and wish she was here and not these stupid girls, these annoying girls who are trying to talk to me. We are reviewing for a test on some weird thing, like Japan and Africa. Our teacher, who is a real cool teacher made this really cool Jeopardy game on Power Point to help us review. And I’ve even known a few answers.
A slump into my chair when the other team gets the right answer. “Damnit!” I whisper harshly to myself. Why the fuck did that fucking team have to get the answer right?!
“Hey!” My History teacher yelled. “Don’t curse.”
I stare at him blankly and I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. If Fred were here I wouldn’t have cried, if she were here I would be talking to her and not being yelled at. Nobody would be mean to me if she was here. I curse my teacher as I get up stiffly and walk slowly towards the bathroom, trying my hardest not to drop to the floor and cry myself into unconsciousness in the middle of the hallways. And if I did that the school would probably remember me as just another rich girl.
I open one of the stalls and stand awkwardly on the wall as I force the tears to hold. I take deep breathes as I hear girls washing there hands and pissing. I hear two girls talking about how Gwen and Darla had made out at a party. I ignore all the sounds and I whisper to myself that everything is going to be alright, it has to be alright. I take a deep breath and open my stall, walk right past the girls and into the classroom were people are almost jumping off the walls they are having so much fun. I swell the lump in my throat and look around me.
How are they having so much fun! Fred is gone, can’t they see that. Can’t they see I am in pain? Why is everyone so oblivious to everything, everyone. When the bell rings and signals that school is over, I don’t even wait to hear what Mr. Ronan has to say, I run out of the classroom, the tears welling up in my eyes already. I see Angel coming out of his English class and he looks towards my class like he always does waiting for me so we can walk back to our lockers together. But when I see his face all I can do is have the tears start coming out of my eyes.
I run towards Angel and he takes hold of me and pulls my into his empty English classroom, and holds me as I cry. “Why Fred?! Why Fred?!” I sob into his arms. And all I can do is cry and let Angel hold me because for the first time all the control I ever felt was taken from me. .
AN: Two things about the last part, a lot of people didn’t understand why Buffy acted the way she did when she found out about Fred having an eating disorder. When you’re friend has an eating disorder, it’s hard because you wonder why you couldn’t do anything, if you guys have more questions on it feel free to email or IM me. Also, in the begging a lot of people didn’t understand why Buffy and Angel were being so intimate for being such young kids, and I don’t want to sound mean or rude, but at that age AT MY SCHOOL that’s what happened. If you guys have questions again email, IM me whatever, I’m willing to share. Again, sorry if I offended anyone with how graphic it was for minors.
9th Grade- June, 2000
The fact of the matter is that school is over and now we have finals. Not one final like last year but four finals. Four freakin’ finals! Math, Science, History and English. No offense but has the school gone like nuts! I mean seriously, I know are school needs like a good reputation and stuff but honestly they need to remember we are kids! Kids who have lives other than school. But then again, I can’t really say that because most of my friends all they think about is school. I mean honestly, I can probably say that 85% of what I think about has something to do with school. If I think about it. Another 10% probably has to do with Angel, or boys but mostly Angel and then I guess the last 5% percent has to do with TV. Because if I think about it really, if I’m not talking to my friends about school we are talking about TV or Angel, which also has to do with school. I have no life.
I open my Science book and stare at it blankly. Like they really think I am going to know… ANYTHING that has to do with Science! I hate my school. To much work. All I get is work. And I always wondered is it the same in public school. A lot of people tell me yeah, but it doesn’t sound like it. When we were in eighth grade we read Cold Sassy Tree, Animal Farm, Romeo and Juliet, Mice and Men, Night, and To Kill A Mockingbird. And in public school they read those books in ninth grade. I never understood why? Like with Math too, we are learning Geometry with Trigonometry. In public school, they don’t learn that till like eleventh grade.
Stupid school.
And still staring blankly at the stupid science book. I hate science. So stupid.
---
I hate Science. I’m so going to die. This final is going to kill me.
---
“ANGEL! I need help!”
“Buffy, I need to study for my own final,” I hear Angel’s annoyed voice. Stupid Angel.
“Angel,” I whine. “You know everything about science already. I don’t know anything. And isn’t helping me study help you study?” I add innocently.
“Buffy, I’m in double honors.”
Stupid people in double honors. How the hell is anyone in double honors in science? Double honors… I hate those people. How is anyone in honors science. Like I mean, college prep, which is the regular class, is hard enough. Honors I know is probably a million times harder, but double honors. That’s like double the hardness of science. For really smart science people, however they can be smart in science.
“Fine, then I won’t help you.” And I hang up. Like I could help him in science. I sigh and look around my room and then at my science book.
“You’re are so evil,” I whisper harshly to it. Biology, how I hate you.
I walk over to the stupid book and open it once again. Ten minutes later, I notice I am still reading the same sentence. My door opens and I am about to yell at Dawn until I see Angel standing there with his science book and all his notes.
“What are you doing here? I thought you were to smart for me?” I glare at my boyfriend.
“Shut up and study,” he says as he sits on my bed and opens his book.
I keep glaring at him and finally he turns towards me. “What!”
“Nothing,” and turn away and look at some weird picture in my book.
An hour after Angel arrived and has done nothing to help me study, I feel him wrap his arms around my waist. I turn around from were I am lying on my back and glare at him.
“You spend an hour here not helping me study and now you want some lovin’. No, I don’t think so.”
“I need a break so I think I’m going to help you,” he says into my neck. I get up quickly and shove my big heavy book into his chest.
“Finally!” I sit up straight and look at Angel. “Well?”
“Well what?”
“Teach me!”
He flips through the book and finally lands on something. “What are the five stages of Mitosis and Meiosis ?”
I flip through the book in my brain. Nope we didn’t learn that. “Angel, we didn’t learn that.”
“Yes you did.”
Fuck. “We did?”
“Yes.”
I look down for a second and breathe, okay. Fuck, I’m screwed. I look back at Angel and I already feel the tears welling in my eyes. I’m cryin over science! Science should so die! I feel Angel pull me towards him and I tuck my head in the crook of his neck. “Angel I don’t know anything!”
He touches my cheek and I look up at him. He cups my cheek in his hands and he looks at me with those amazing eyes. “I’m going to help you.”
I smile at him as my tears disappear. “Good.”
I reopen my book and wait for Angel to start teaching me.
----
It’s the end, finally! And I thought it would never would! Finals, a pain in my fucking ass. I rub my head in ache because it hurts so much. To much work, to much thinking. I sigh as I see Willow coming out of the of the other side of the gym. I wave at her, not even being able to talk. Two seconds later I hear a tune. “Willow… Dawson is telling me I failed.”
“Huh?”
I pick my phone up and wave it. “See! It’s fate, its telling me I failed!”
She rolls her eyes and I answer without looking at who it was. “Heeelllo?”
“Buffy?”
My eyes so popped out of my eyehole things. “Fred?”
“Hey, I’m back, home I mean.”
“Omgiod! Omigod! Are you serious!” I look over at Willow and I whisper Fred, but I have a feeling she knew that already.
“Can I come and see you? Willow is here to? Want her to come?”
“Yeah, that would be great.”
I’m so excited. I’m so excited. Fred is better. I say goodbye and hang up my cell phone and look over at Willow. “Fred’s back!”
We start to jump up and down like freaks. Everything is all right; everything is turning out to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.
---
After seeing Fred at her house (who looks so much better!!) I come home and find a surprise on my bed. “Angel!”
“Hey,” he says, getting up from my bed.
“What do I owe this surprise to?” I say as I sit on my desk and open my computer up.
“Just wanted to talk to you, before you know, I can’t.”
I scrunch my nose at him. “Why wouldn’t you be able to talk to me?”
“Camp, I’m going in a week.”
So his point is… “Okay.”
He seems to be frustrated about something. “Buffy, I’m leaving soon for the whole summer.”
Okay... I have expected that, ‘cause I’m leaving for the whole summer to, but why is he getting so mad? “Angel? What’s up?”
He looks away from me for a moment and then back at me. He comes and makes me stand up from my sitting position and holds my hand tight in my hand. “I think, over the summer we should be… open or something.”
I stare at him in horror. Open? What? I pull my hand away from him and look at him like he lost his mind. He has lost his mind! “What? Why?”
“It’s just, I’m going to camp. And… it’s camp, Buffy.”
“SO just because you are going to camp you want to go and hook up with other girls or something?” I glare at him. How could he? Why? Why would he do this to me? I feel the sob start to choke in my throat and hold it back. I start breathing like I am having a heart attack, and I think I am.
Angel tries to take hold of my hand but all I do is slap it away. How could he? How can he hold my hand after what he just said? “Buffy, you know it’s not like that.”
“Really? ‘Cause what I am hearing is that I’m not good enough to keep and you want to go to camp and kiss other girls.”
I walk away from him and look out my window so he can’t see my crying. How can he do this to me? I thought he liked me, I thought he cared about me! The sob comes out before I can stop it and I feel his arms come around my waist and I am too emotionally distraught to stop him.
“I don’t want to break up with you, Buffy. I could never,” he says as he turns me around and closes his arms around me and gives me a hug, holding me closely.
I get up slowly, letting go of him and walk to the other side of the room and glare at him with as much hatred that I can come up with. “You always do this to me. Dropping me like yesterday’s trash.”
He looks at me with pain in his eyes, but I just can’t seem to care because I’m to involved in my mine. “If you don’t want to break up fine. We’re open, or whatever. So does this mean I can make out with all the guys I want?”
He looks up at me and I can see that I touched a nerve. Good, he understands now. “I’m going to go.”
I turn around without saying goodbye or waving or even watching him leave or anything. Once I know he is gone, I slowly get inside my bed and hold onto Mr. Gordo as tight as I can as tears slowly start to fall from my eyes. My heart is pounding in my chest and my eyes hurt so much and all I can do is wish Angel were next to me.
---
I haven’t seen Angel in a week. And today is the day he is leaving, going to camp. He hasn’t called, hasn’t IMed me. Hasn’t emailed me. Nothing. Not that I have done any of those things to him either.
It’s seven thirty in the morning and I know Angel is leaving in half an hour to some place in Northern California where his camp is. I lay on my bed, looking at nothing, and hoping that something will happen.
I hear my sister talking downstairs, and people climbing the stairs in our house, but I don’t seem to care anymore. Nothing is happy. God, I hate Angel. The door to my room is being opened and I am about to yell at my sister to go away when Angel comes in. Great… ANGEL! My eyes snap open and I see him looking at me, having this cute little smile on his face and my heart sort of warms up a little, especially when I see he has flowers in his hand and I need to remind myself that I am mad at him.
“Wh- What are you doing here?” I sit up in bed slowly and then I notice that my hair is a mess and my face must look like shit. Great, now he knows I am depressed about him.
“I uh wanted to see you before I left,” he says as he sits the flowers on the floor and slowly comes to my bed. I start to move to the other side of the bed.
“That’s great really Angel, but you’re the one that wants to stick your tongue down other people’s throats so…” I say as sarcastically.
“Buffy…”
“Yeah,” God my voice sounds so mean! I love it. He deserves it.
He touches my cheek and I try to move away but he doesn’t let me. He climbs on my bed and I know this is going to be my downfall because he smells so good and God his eyes are so brown and pretty… Send me to the crazy house. NOW!
“I don’t want to break up with you,” he says as he strokes my hair.
“Then what do you want, because really I’m sick of being played around.”
“You. You know that, it’s just over the summer… it could be easier this way. I’m going to camp and you’re going to London and you know, you might meet this guy and want to kiss him and I don’t want you to not to because of me.”
“’Cause I can think in my head you are probably doing the same thing too?” I say glaring at him. “Don’t turn this on me. You’re the one that has to kiss other girls. What, was there this girl at camp you didn’t tell me about?”
“No. Buffy, don’t-”
“Don’t what? Be like this? Not react badly because I know my boyfriend wants to go out with other girls,” I yell at him. I shut my eyes tightly before looking up at him. He is looking at his hands and then he looks at me. “I’m really tired of this. If you feel the need to kiss other girls then fine. But know that I’m not going to do that.”
“Don’t try to make me feel guilty, Buffy. That’s not fair,” Angel says as he gets off my bed.
I get up too, my anger growing with every single word that he is saying. “Fair?! Fair?! Don’t talk to me about fair. It’s not fair that my boyfriend wants to cheat on me! I will make you feel guilty because you are! You should be, the fact that you don’t makes me wonder what made me like you to begin with!”
I put my hands in my hair and turn away from him. I look over at my alarm clock and see it’s seven fifty. “You should go, you won’t want to miss your bus.”
When I turn around, he is gone.
TBC – It gets better, I promise!! 9th Grade is all drama, 10th is better.