24th Nov 2003

1.40am -- Arhhhhh the day is tomorro.. the celebration of the completion of one mth of fasting for us muslims.. Oh and before i move on, I wld like to wish all Muslims a Selamat Hari Raya and to those who know me, forgive me if i have ever offended u and halalkan makan minum la.. We have to be forgiving rite.. hehhee.

I dunno wat to feel, the past few days, i was feeling half hearted abt this celebration.. One part, well it happens once a year, get to meet ppl, chit chat and get to know the latest development. Another side of me dreads cos.. at this time of the year, we have to put up a false front.. i mean we all have to act super duper angels, show our best, act ladylike.. u know which is sooo fake.. lol sighh but I guess in recent days i was kindda in a chirpy mood so i think this year its gonna be ok.. if ppl were to give me comments I’m just gonna diss them off in a nice way.. I’m not gonna just smile and shut up. I've had enuf of their crap..

Yest was family shopping day.. In the day went to IMM bldg to look for a new sofa set and my bro needed a new bed set. Walked ard for like 4 hrs but just clden find the right sofa which all of us agree on. My dad likes those leather ones.. but i like those fabric "L" shaped kinds.. and I also like those big fluffy sofas.. even in leather.. but those cost a bomb.. like near to 2k. I mean.. possibly we wld be using the sofa for 5 yrs and like pay near to 2k for it.. its soo not worth it. So we were still looking ard for a better deal. In the end my bro was the one buyin a new bed set.. Then went home and went to S'pore Expo at 8pm to check out their Home Fair.. It was kindda last as they closes at 9.30 and its their last day there so we were hoping that we cld get the sofa there.. and we did! haha and my mum was like.. cld u deliver it tomorro.. as in errm today la.. Monday the 24th.. hahaha and the lady was like.. whoa.. so the last min and we told her that buying the sofa set was like planned only 2 days ago and its really unplanned. So she checked the warehse and voala!! We cld get the sofa tomorro!! So tomorro my parents and my new mattress and the sofa wld be arriving.. in the eve.. now im thinkin.. where the hell to store my old sofa.. haha.. thank god my living room is kindda long.. so we might have 2 lounge sections.. Lol.. Ok tts all I have to say. Feeling pretty hexed up now.. LOL..

Muira


:: Yet another dream.. wat is going on?? ::

22nd Nov 2003

I woke up today with the voice of my mum.. sayin "Wake up la.. goin to poly already". Yea as written in my entry yest I had a migraine.. so I tot of seeing a doc and see wats up with it.. I mean I’ve been having this migraines since I was in sec sch.. it comes like once or twice a mth.. And my aunt from my mama's side just had brain cancer.. so she was telling me to be very careful and dun take matters lightly since it concerns my well-being.. So i had to drag my arse off my bed and go to the polyclinic.

Didnt had to wait long.. went to see the doc.. was telling abt my probs.. all 6 of them.. haha some were made up la.. cos my mum and me was like conspiring on what to ask the doc for xtra medicines.. hahah. Well the doc refered me to a brain specialist (the sounds of it makes me shiver) in CGH.. and he did further check up on me and said that my migranes mayb due to stress or excitement.. Lol.. and I’m wondering wat is there to be excited abt in my life.. haha. He was nice la.. but he was nagging at me cos I came kindda late and I was like taking his time bla bla bla.. yea watever.. lol

After the doc, went to Downtown East. my dad die die wanna go there cos there was supposedly this bazzar thingy happening there.. The bazzar was pathetic.. and in the end.. we got ourselves mattresses! Only my bro didnt get one cos he was at home sleeping.. that lazy pig.. but we might be going to IMM bldg tomorro to check out the beddings and also sofa sets.. need to get a new set.. YEYY shopping! I love it cos in the end i will always get wat I want in these stuff.. lol and they cost a bomb too.. lol ok ok i have to stop being a spoilt brat and help my parents get somethin worth the tag..


Ok ok back to my dreams... This time it consist of these 2 guys.. one I had a small crush on and another guy I sorta worked with, my grp of frens whom i cant seem to remember and an old man.

There was a huge grp of us and there was these 2 guys that was with me... both of them were like talkin to me.. one guy was the calm, cool gentleman and the other one is.. the chatterbox. One on my right and one on my left. So we all were walkin in Bedok Ctrl.. and the chatterbox was still yackkin away tryin to impress me and the cool guy on my right had that irritated look and was like interrupting that guy once a while.. then we were outside this cosmetic shop and there was this old man lying on it.. then all of a sudden he woke up and started calling me to come to him.. i clden hear the words he was sayin but he tot I was someone he know or loved or somethin.. he was that pleased look on his face.. then he stood up and walked towards me. I dunno wat happen next as I remembered that someone punched him and he fainted.. then I ran away.. alone.. I was running and looking back to see if he was following me.. then at one junction were I cld turn left or right, i turn back and there he was, chasing after me still calling me and waving asking me to stop and come back to him.. I freaked out.. and kept on running and running.. then at one interception, one my of old frens and the chatterbox came out of nowhere and rescued me.. lol.. then my mum woke me up..

I wonder y my dreams are getting weirder and weirder.. I really need to see someone abt this matter.. I mean ask him or her wats wrong with me.. My fren did mention that mayb its my subconscious mind tryin to tell me things or that another side of me was tryin to communicate with me.. I dunno man.. I really really need help..

This has got to be the worse dream of all.. i think now if i ever see an old man laying on a cardboard.. i might just freak out.. there and then.. hahaha

Muira


:: A Gift for myself.. and it comes in that famous blue box.. ::

21st Nov 2003

ARGHHHH I’m crazy!! I just treated myself to somethin from Tiffany and Co. hahha my god.. I’m spoiling myself man.. I just love myself.. I wish I cld date myself.. haha watever I want sooner or later I will get it. I understand myself the best.. y do I need a guy when I have me!!

Ok ok.. actually i didn’t plan to buy it.. I went to town to get my eyebrows done, then my fren.. as usual was late.. this time 2 hr and 10 mins late.. 20 mins shy of her own record.. So anyways while waiting for her.. I was window shopping.. then I saw that all famous classic Tiffany's bracelet dat I had been aiming like forever.. it was just dat I cldn afford it then.. And i rather not torture my bfs and ask them to spend that much money on me.. And I was feelin down yest so i tot hell y not! Raya's coming, this cld be a x'mas and new year gift for myself.. so I got it.. So was feeling over the cloud walking ard with that blue bag.. haha then went to Mango.. looked ard.. went to perlini's.. and I saw this chunky bracelet... and I tot.. hell y not get this for my fren.. cos her b'day was last mth and I didn’t really got her anything.. And this cld be a belated b'day and a x’mas gift for her.. So I called her asking if she wears bracelet.. and those chunky ones.. and she said ya.. she loves chunky stuff.. so I told her to get her arse dwn there ASAP as I wld like to get her a bracelet as a gift.. and she was like arrghhh!! ok ok I’ll be there.. So while waiting for her.. went to Esprit to check out their latest range.. nice tees they have.. then went to MPH to kill time.. and I was reading on Astrology, Tarrot Cards and there was this book titled somethin like How do you know you are dating a BASTARD by his signs. Lol.. funny book so read and read till she came.. then we went to look at some clothes b4 i got her that bracelet.. She was happy.. thrilled.. Sigh.. good rite she.. late for over 2 hrs still get a present.. Look at wat kinda NICE fren she got here..

Went to Marina to have dinner and on the way we met Fabian.. my errm gay fren.. lol.. He was supposed to meet some IRC guy but he had doubts so he was like.. fuck it la I think I’m gonna hang ard with u both.. lol. So had dinner.. talk cock.. as usual.. chill for a while.. then the subject of witchcraft came abt.. no no actually it was ghosts.. lol so we were telling each other abt our encounters.. then Fabian knew of this witchcraft shop in peninsula plaza.. so since we were close by we tot y not drop by and check out that shop.. but alas.. that shop was closed.. dammit.. so walked ard for a bit then went to Pacific Coffee to shit and chill.. Stupid bitch and her bf.. the Sofa was so meant for us cos as we stepped in this 2 men walked off and we were like 5 feet shy and her bf was like scrambling to grab the seats.. and I was like.. WTF.. nvm nvm so we took her table. So I was standing by the table and my fren was checkin out for more empty sofas.. and u know wat.. her bf was like happily put this empty cup of dirty coffee on my table!! and my eyes went bulging.. and I looked at them.. and the gf was just looking at me like they did nuthin wrong.. and my left eyebrow went up.. and she was like giving me that bitchy look.. wah lao.. if pretty nvm.. face like the sewage tyre truck just ran over kind.. knnb.. Sommore have the cheek to stare at me 2 more times.. piang.. fuckin humans.. wats wrong for her bf to just put that fucking cup on the counter for pick up.. wat does my table looks like a pick up table for dirty cups? Stupid children of goats..

Thankfully abt 30 painful mins of looking at the stupid goat we got a sofa seat.. so I had a different view.. so still chilling and chit chatting.. talkin mostly abt witchcraft.. Fabian did tell us that Toni & Guys require models for haircut and hair coloring.. mayb I wld check it out.. free haircut man.. done possibly by stylist.. who dunt want rite? We decided to go to esplanade.. wanna check out embargo but we walk near the errm water side and it was blocked by some flower show shit.. so we tot heck la.. Lets go to Centro and chill or somethin.. but then cannot go in cos me and my fren was wearing our thongs slippers.. so we just chilled at the Merlion area... it was perfect.. There were these seats.. cool seats done by our local artists.. forgot to bring my cam la.. wasted.. if not can snap snap.. nvm goin to Centro early next mth hopefully.. so mayb can snap some pics then.. ok tts all for today.. My shoulders are killing me.. and i'm having a migraine.. hopefully goin to see a doc tomorro.. sighh

Muira


:: Dont Dream its over... animal version... ::

20th Nov 2003

OK OK this is totally WEIRD!! Ok i have this fren who’s nuts abt cats so in friendster and in MSN she had this picture of a cat.. a very evil looking cat.. with razor sharp teeth.. well I was ok with it.. then I had a dream abt it! Its just me and that cat.. with the same evil smile.. and its face was changing too!! HAHAHHA really really wierd!

Muira


:: Dont Dream its over... part 3 (hopefully last installment) ::

19th Nov 2003

Wow.. this dream thing is gettin worse by the day u know.. I had yet another of those X-bf dreams but this time, the guy's face seem to be changing.. to all of my exs and also that faceless guy! This is weird I mean y am i having these dreams? Ok yea I do sometimes think abt my past or my future but to bring those into my dreams.. its like they are telling me something.. U know like there are some unfinished business.. but what? Mayb i shld go out there and meet MORE new ppl.. But u know how hard it is to get to know ppl, to be in sync with them, to understand them and vice versa.. Nearly impossible man.. I didnt say its impossible.. but nearly.. Its not easy having a partner u know.. Anyways I’m relly really happy with my state right now.. Or am i? hahha..

My rashes are back.. I'm scratching like no ones business everywhere and its all bcos of those stupid prawns! I’m allergic to seafood and a few prawns made me act like a monkey man.. sucks! Its so frustrating u know.. when u feel like eating somethin and u know u cant.. but after some time u gave in and this is the end result.. stupid!!

Anyways I’m kindda happy these few days cos thru friendster, I met a few of my old primary and secondary sch mates.. I mean wow.. it has been such a long time and we were like talkin abt those old times we had in sch.. Tons of memories.. wonderful ones.. sigh... have a nice day all!!

Muira


:: Dont Dream its over... part 2 ::

18th Nov 2003

Ok lets continue from where i left off...

I dunt wanna be dependant on a guy cos I know that I can survive w/o them.. And its so hard to fine the perfect guy, made just for me.. they guys that I know or dated are either too wild or too innocent... u know those kinds when after spending some time talkin u just feel like smashing ur head against the nearest pole or wall kind.. I cant seem to find those in between guys u know.. Even if i do, all that matters to them are looks and looks and looks. How sad is dat? They always say that they do not go for looks as its the insides that matters but i know deep inside them that they wld not go out with an average plain lookin gerl if given the chance to. Sighh

Ok back to my faceless guy.. more info abt him, .. ok he’s bald... not the botak bald but those short tiny hairs.. hes abt 1.7 and he’s somewhat dark but not too dark.. I guess the right color shld be brown.. or mayb my dream was in those grey tones color so I didn’t catch his skin color well.. and as I have said it.. he’s faceless.. I dunt seen to see him eye to eye i was always on his side.. and at any angle, there is no face! Hmm I feel like telling my whole dream but it might take ages la.. I had this dream like a year back.. and I still remember it clearly.. haha cool man.. cos usually when I woke up, I will totally forgot abt my dreams.. So well yea.. I still wld love to know who this guys is.. and hopefully one day.. that dream wld continue so I know wat happen after I met his mum! haha.. Ok tts all for today more updates tomorro..

Muira


:: Dont Dream its over... ::

18th Nov 2003

I'm feeling weird.. few days ago... I had a dream abt my X bf.. details were not that impt.. just those innocent dreams with me and him in it.. enjoying our time together.. but its weird.. that i dreamt of 2 of the guys that had an impact in my life.. I definately was not thinking of them.. Sigh.. I dunt know man.. I mean I’m happy the way I am.. dunt tell me my sub-conscious is telling me other wise.. Sighh then I recalled abt this dream I had.. like ages ago.. Its abt this guy whom I just cant see the face. No matter wat what angle I look at him, there is no face.. And the dream was abt how we just happen to meet and we just click it right away.. with me bringing him to see my mates and then he brought me to see his mum.. I mean its major cos it all happen in a day! It’s really weird. I kept thinkin abt this guy.. who is he? Future partner? Just another dream? Or what? My fren told me that if u dream of someone whom u cant see their face, its possible its ur future husband. Side track -- I seriously cant see myself with a guy who can tolerate and undertand me. I'm really a hard gerl to please and to understand and i dunt think a lot of ppl can get thru breaking me down. Back to dreams -- And some ppl said that dreams always meant the opposite. Sigh..

Muira


:: Ouch Ouch Ouch ::

13th Nov 2003

My calf hurts, my ankle hurts, I have blisters on my feet. My right arm hurts and I’m sooo tired.. Me and my fren went walking ard town 2 days ago as she need to look for clothes.. and me.. well just window shopping.. Can't find anything nice at the shops these days. I notice that some ppl think that I’m rich, a spoilt gerl, snobbish, and call me a future tai tai and all and I’m like wondering why the hell do they say/think that.. and now I realise that everytime i talk to these ppl.. I either say that I’m back from shopping or that I’m going shopping.. So to them "Eh this gerl not working and still got time and cash to go shopping.." So mayb now I shld change and say that I went WINDOW shopping. That means i just look and not buy.. well thats wat I do most of these days.. just washing my eyes with those pretty stuff on the shelves.. Anyways i saw this CUTE pendant from perlini silver.. have to get it.. lol *winks*.

After the walking and bitching, we went to watch the MATRIX revolutions.. Ok la.. action packed.. but the ending is soooo disappointing!! and stupid!.. sigh.. The whole instalment made sense but I’m just not happy with the ending.. period. Best part for me was they way Captain Niobe drives the ship.. girl power man! And the machine-fighting scenes.. nice.. I just dunt like the Neo and Smith fighting in the air part.. so god damn fake.. haha. I wld not go watch this show a second time.. unless someone pays for me.. hahahha..

Ok update on my hair.. looks good.. normal.. at least now when i let my hair go.. its not as messy as it used to be.. and it doesn’t make me feel hot.. as in hot that makes u sweat hot. hmm actually same length, same volume. mayb its my head telling me that rebonded hair is cool.. "let ur hair down and u can still beat the heat".. i dunt know man..

Oh ya.. there’s this fashion show.. Infinite Black at Centro tomorro.. and then there's this Chihuahua dance party at Fort Canning on Sat.. Dammit man.. I wanna go .. but its just the mth.. I dunt feel good goin out partying during this mth.. am I crazy or wat? ok la I know drinking is out of the question.. But not wrong rite.. to go clubbing... look at guys.. during this holy mth?.. ok ok its wrong.. dammit!

Muira


:: Cos I'm Worth It! ::

8th Nov 2003

7th November

My hair is in a mess .. it has been like this for mths.. so well since raya is coming, and the new year too.. I decided to rebond my hair.. I tell u, its one of the best things invented.. I can now wake up later then b4.. cos I dunt need to comb my hair! Saves soo much time.. and I feel so good! hahha now I can walk swaying my hair like those Loreal gerls.. Lol.. ok ok dream on la gerl..

Anyways went to trim and rebond my hair with my rebonding kaki, Anna.. she was so against rebonding last time but once she tried it.. she’s hooked to it! Always complaining to me that her hair is in a mess when it looks fine.. Mayb she’s just paranoid.. So we spent like half the day rotting in the chair in the salon.. seesh.. thank god we were not fasting so we cld eat lil crackers to keep ourselves awake.. The end result.. ok la.. the lady was generous when applying all the lotions and creams.. and she gave one of the best head massage man.. hahha but then thanks to her blow dryin my scalp dry; that I got a headache. so freaking HOT! Cos my scalp was oily... so she recommended me to wash my hair with cold water and blow dry my scalp.. . its torture man.. But I’m gonna try la.. see if it works.. i have pimples on my head too u know! that’s how bad it gets! I still have yet to see my hair when i rewash it again.. see if its dry or.. tangle-ly or.. running amok.. well see la will update later.

Went to town after doing our hair cos this other lady just came back from METRO Paragon cos it was having 20% Sale and that it closes at 11pm today.. since we were nearby and its just like 9pm, we tot.. ok lets just drop by and check it out.. Its been a long time since I’ve been to town.. so the new Paragon was a welcoming sight. The new addition to the building looks tai tai-ish man.. All the posh brand names are there.. but they were closing, so we went to Metro. Well it was packed with humans so we just looked ard cos my fren needed a new pair of slippers and she saw this one from Nine West.. Nice.. but the soles are not good.. U know those kindda soles where u can just slide on them esp if u were to walk at the Paragon Atrium.. or any other shiny surface flooring.. So i advise her to look ard first.. I mean its nice to be wearing that pair of slippers.. but to slip and fall in front of ppl.. now tts a sight! hahah.. Went to sisly cosmetics counter to check out this Sun Glow Gel for the face.. U put it on and well, it gives u a natural glow.. a bit bronzie.. really nice! But as usual expensive.. so I’ll have to think abt it. hurmph!

We went on to Heeren to check out some slippers art URS.. Nuthing nice.. walked ard a bit.. boring.. most of the shops are closing.. really pathetic.. its like so early and the place is closing.. Then we remembered that we have not had any lunch or dinner.. so next stop, FOOD PLACE.. started thinking of a place that is open at this hr.. and cant think of one.. so we tot of going to the Hotel Meridian food place.. but before we reach there, we came across this little place beside the Hotel where the old Haagen Daz stall used to be.. well now there are like 4 little stalls.. and one sells Halal food.. so well wat the heck.. we tot of trying it out. Not much choice.. really sad sia.. They sold satay, nasi lemak, mee rebus, mee soto and a few other stuff.. well we were hungry so we just tried it out la. Verdict.. errm.. not nice! Not gonna try it again.. The place is nice for chilling out.. so we sat there, talked abt out hair.. haha, talked abt some ppl, discusses abt 6th Dec.. there's gonna be this DNB session at Mad Monk.. I wanna go but the date is a bit off la.. cos I’m gonna be so busy that week.. my fren die die wanna go.. I'll have to see la.. nearer to the dates.. see how the day it like then can decide.. I mean 5th Dec, WWE Passport to Smackdown, then Saturday I’m sure I’m goin out visiting, nite MadMonk, then no sleep or mayb 2 hrs of sleep and Sun going visiting again.. I dunt know if I stay awake or not.. So anyways the shop was closing (boring!) and we have to leave.. so we walked all the way to Suntec to catch a ride home.. We love to do walking.. haha.. We always walk from Wisma to PS then to Suntec.. and sometimes back to town.. yea we are that crazy.. Shopping Freaks! Cos we like to window shop before we settle on somethin u see.. so yea.. we walk ard to really look at all the possibilities.. and it always end up we going back to the 1st shop we entered.. hahha. Good exercise u know.. Its called RETAIL THERAPY! Can't wait for the next session... this coming Tuesday! Heehee.

Oh ya.. while passing by the Hotel Meridian Food place area.. we were shocked that its not transformed to a new.. errm stall-mall called A-MAZE. Its very bugis/ japan style.. u know loads of small stalls in one small space.. its closed by the time we passed by there.. Hope its open on Tuesday so we cld check it out..

8th Novenber

Went to IMM building at Jurong.. My dad saw an ad abt some bazzar.. but its god damn pathetic.. so end up in Geylang instead to look for clothes for this year.. My sis was the 1st one to get hers and its this lilac cheongsam piece.. cute.. then my dad went to get a light purple baju kurung.. so i told my mum.. hmm since dad and mei (tts wat i call my sis) got lilac colored clothes, y not we get lilac too? But the prob is.. errm its hard la to get a dress with such color and well with the design that I like.. I saw this one dress.. nice.. but its 150 bucks! And I’m like.. fuck. im gonna just wear the dress like 5 times this year and wat pay 150 for it.. so well I walked ard.. found a few others but I just dunt like the fabric.. sigh.. Then I remembered that I did have a pinkish-lilac dress when i got like 2 yrs ago.. so I tot.. well if I cant get anything nice I might as well wear that.. So we walked ard for 2 freaking hrs.. and its so HOT out there.. my god.. unbelievable.. On the way back to get some food, I slept all the way in the car.. so my mum and dad and bro went to get food and me and my sis went snoring away.. hahaha tired la!

*smells smells* I can still smell my hair.. I love the smell of my hair every time I come out of a salon, mayb its the shampoo.. Heaven!!

Hee hee ok I’m gonna watch No Mercy on tele now.. Have a nice week ahead all!!

Muira


:: Weird Dream... ::

3rd Nov 2003

I had a weird dream today.. It was abt an old crush of mine... The last time nuthin happened between us in the end cos there was something that I did that he didn’t like.. so he just dropped me.. Sigh.. Well ok let’s go to the dream...

I dunno how we came to contact with each other but all of a sudden we were faxing (wat a way to communicate) each other. It happened that after our "O"s, he didnt even wait to get his results but went away to study. So he didn’t really said his goodbyes to me. So i gave him my hp number, my mum's (i dunno y the hell I did that), and my room number. Then he called my mum's cell.. (another ??). I didn’t expect it to be him. When my mum passed the phone she was like "hey there a call for u... a girl", so i didn’t expect anything.. then when I picked up the phone, he said "Hi Munieraku" and I’m like... whoa!! I could feel my heart beat like never before and I had butterflies in my stomach and I’m like ""Hidir""?! Then we kept on talking abt i dunno wat.. it seem like a blur but I was enjoying my talk with him and I was happy to hear his voice cos it had been so long since i talked to him. We stopped for a while i dunno y and he called again and we started talking again.

The next scene was we together face to face somewhere... When he saw me he was smiling from cheek to cheek.. yea I did love his smile.. We went to talk sommore. The end of the dream was that he wanted to take a step further this time and he wanted to bring me to see his mum. But I dunno wat happened next as he was upset. It seems that i was not ready to wear a headscarf and he really wants me to wear that b4 i go meet his mum. Then he went on to say something like "It's obvious that you waited for me all this years and not lost hope in us. Then you were not ready to change and now you still are. I'm sorry but I will have to leave you." All this while I was sitting in silent and holding to this thing that i can't remember.. i didn’t know what to do.. I wanted to say something back but there was someone behind me so I just kept quiet.. Then he left.. then my phone beeped indicating an SMS and so i woke up. Dammit man.. I still haven get to the bottom of that dream!! It was weird.. i tried to go back to sleep to continue the dream and finish it but i just cant.. Now.. I’m feeling pretty sad.. and lost.. cos I really do not know what that was supposed to mean. But then again some ppl said that these early dreams are not counted.. just dreams....

PS: - The last time we parted.. it had nuthin to do with any head scarf! hahahha it was just something I did that he didnt like.. sigh.. I was a wild child..

Muira

catch me :: if :: i fall