Earr WaxX
Akon - Lonely
Tyler James - Foolish


At home now; no job till this Friday. So I’m just bumming around watching MTV, resting and thinking. Thought of telling him that I’ll be free this few days. But…

It’s been raining these past few days. And I’m beginning to like the rain. Change of heart I suppose. I don’t know if I want to input yesterday’s entry. I was so bored at work that I handwrite everything that was going on - In real life, in my mind and my heart. Its 3 pages long *smiles* Maybe I should but I’ll title it “Segment to IGNORE unless you’re bored” or something.


Ok so here it goes

Blank Brain Talking (changes will be made if necessary)

Part 1

In Esplanade right now, time check 13:06 and 50 seconds. Free at the moment so I can write something down, trying to look busy noting down notes. Currently I’m stoned as hell as I slept at 3am yesterday, or should I say this morning, and I work up at 8am. Today’s the last day for the SIFAS Indian Classical Dance & Music Festival (thank GOD!) It’s going to be a dance today so apparently the dancer needs like 3 hrs to get ready (make up and all), Indian dance is very elaborate, with the hair, make up, jewellery and costumes, so she had to come in early to check out the lighting and listen to the sound check to make sure everything’s ok.

They arrived late, made me wait for them EARLY IN THE MORNING for like 45 mins. I mean for Pete’s sake please inform me la that they are gonna arrive late so I could at least sleep in for that 45 mins. I mean it could really do me good. You know my eyes HURT when I left my house this morning. The sun was god almighty bright that I had to close my eyes to walk! In the bus I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open and the more I’m listening to my MP3 the more sleepy I got. So please people, do not wake me up before 12 noon.

Ok so.. they are going to be done soon and they are going off only to return later at like 4pm. So what am I going to do with about 2 hrs and 30 mins in my hands? SHOPPING LA! What else. I read in the papers there’s a SALE going on by YES the Eyestore at Suntec. Who knows I might get myself a pair of shades or some lenses. heh



Part 2

Back from my mini shopping trip aimed to keep me awake. But as usual, shopping trips no matter how mini it is, it will burn a whole in one’s wallet. So first stop was the “EYE Sale”, got myself a pair of shades. *Rolls eyes. So predictable* It’s red, huge rectangle frameless (I like); only that the lenses are not dark enough to hide my eyes. Brand YSL, price $100. *smiles* Will take a picture with it soon. I realize that I dun have like a gallery here in my site for updated pictures.. Maybe it’s about time I do something about that. My yahoo photo gallery is like collecting dust. Haha Maybe I’ll make use of that. Well we’ll see how it goes la. I feel so lazy to upload pictures to the pc cos I’ve got no extra time to do that. I’m like juggling so many jobs at present. Now I’m typing this out and I have more work coming my way. So any free time that I have, I’ll be trying to input my entries or checking my mails. I’m barely online (yes I’m sorry). A lot of people have been complaining and asking where the hell I’ve been. I dunno why in the world they care if I’m not online. It’s not like they take their time to talk to me.. Ok back to the shades, there were some Gucci ones but not those black rectangle framed ones that I adore so much, so I settled with the one I got. Walked around for a while, went to Carrefour and tried on some bras (rolls eyes) ya I know, of all things bras, it just shows that I’m that bored. Bought some kuih lapis from Bengawan Solo then I checked my watch and realize that time is almost up. So slowly strolled back intended to take a short cut, then I realize the sky’s dark and few minutes later I saw droplets on the ground. So had to go the long way, which is the underpass.. (b)(If you realize that what I’m typing is boring, sorry la I just feel like writing and well to kill time and well I’m just bored. So when I read this all back, I know how pathetic my life is. I thought of printing everything that I wrote and compile it into a book or something.) (/b)

At this point of time, my mind is blank.. so that’s all that I’ve got to offer.

:: April 2, 2005 ::

Hi... (",) it’s been a nice long break, away from my PC. I need to have more time-outs just to clear my head once a while. I'm feeling so much better now. Thank you to those who talks to me till 3am in the morning just t cheer me up. I appreciate it, really.

Ok so i guess this is the update i've been waiting to type out. I'm still out of my zone so i might have missed a few stuff.. but i mean once it gets back to my brain cells, i promise to add it up.


Back at work at Esplanade yesterday. Gonna be working till April the 3rd. Everything’s fine so far. The new security guards looks.. cheesy. I dun really like them. I like the old ones better. Maybe they’re new. Shld give them some time to adapt I suppose. Its raining now. Its so cooling and I love it.

:: 30 March 2005 ::

Sneaked out at 3 am to meet him just now.. and I’m still having my red flag.. Now it makes me wonder again.. abt him and his sincerity abt really liking me and wanting to get to know me.. Sigh.. Ok back to him; He’s so cute in his dorky specs. Went for a ride to.. talk.. and.. yea.. well again I enjoyed myself every time I’m with him..

As usual, we got food at Mc D's drive thru.. and then we saw this 2 Malay kids. Imagine.. them at 3 plus or 4am on a school night at east coast. Dressed in jerseys and berms, Tris was like, "Just look at them, I feel so sad for the Malay kids these days." And we go on talkin abt the teenagers now. And ya.. He’s like my dad.. abt Chinese ppl.. haha shall not type it out here la. heh.

We talked abt our best and worst times in our life. As usual mine wld be in secondary school, he hates secondary school.. and his worst wld be NS.. well I guess its abt the same for most guys. Then he talk abt him remembering that girls were crazy abt this song at that point of time. Shouting and screaming whenever the song is on airplay.. asking him to sing the song for them. It's Boyzone's very first single - "Love me for a Reason". And sitting beside me, he kept singing that song. The chorus, but his is the whiny version.. haha then he went on and sang Kci & JoJo's "All my life".. Then all of a sudden he was like.. dear can u drive my car? And I was like.. “uh?.. What? Now? U can’t be serious?” And he said “Ya y not? You have a license and I bought this car for you.” Ha, idiot man. He goes on saying he feels sleepy to drive... and well it’s gonna be his first time being able to sit on the left side and have someone drive him ard.. *Pft* So while I was driving he kept singing the boyzone song.. Then he was like asking if he cld sleep at my place cos hes too tired to drive home. Can see la he was dead tired. I told him to go back after work before we met cos I know he was tired as he slept at 7am the morning before, but he said he wanted to see me.. *blushes* Sigh.. and then there was a point of time he said the "L" word.. At that point of time.. I was like YA RYTE.. then I looked at him, he was smiling and giving me a wink.. (“,) but I’m not holding on to it. I know he didn’t really mean it.. So I just smiled saying YA RYTE. He scares me sometimes…

Going for a bbq later.. like in a hour.. Was supposed to meet him tonight after the bbq.. but well as you have read above, he called me today morning to meet up.. oh well. But he did sms saying that he miss me and he just ended work. So I figured he’s dead tired and ya tell him to go home and rest. It doesn’t matter he’s not mine for keeps, can’t expect him to fetch me whenever I want ryte?

The bbq was FUN! I can’t remember when was the last time I laughed so much that my cheeks hurt. And I was crying too; from laughing too much. These bunches of guys from Esplanade are the best of the bunch so far. No limits when it comes to joking. Stayed there till like close to 2am talking abt anything to everything. Desperate housewives! The only thing is 2 are married and the other 3 ain’t. heh.

:: 28 March 2005 ::

He called yest.. out of the blue.. was jumpy for a while.. was glad that he called.. happy.. then after 5 mins of talk.. I realised.. he’s horny.. I do not know what to do with this guy.. he’s just out of control! I have to get myself in tune.. I shall not indulge and loose control. I still miss him.

He said he wanna met me after he’s done with his work.. well.. I know for sure, that the meet wont consist of talking.. the good thing was that its the time of the month.. and.. well he didn’t reply abt wanting to meet me after I told him that. So.. it just confirms it.. I should move on and not harp over him. He's worthless. Maybe I shld just enjoy my time being with him and not giving him much.. You know.. just enjoy the ride.. and wait for the right one to pass by...

Have been listenin to his songs on my pc every night.. His voice just seems to put a smile on my face and calms me down. Make me realise too that he'll never be mine. Oh well.. tts life aint it. Can't have what you want.. Always..


Confused Butterfly.

:: 23 March 2005 ::


Confused and infatuated

Ok... well I think my heart is back in one piece.. and it doesn’t hurt no longer. I don’t know what to write.. I mean so many things happened in such a short time.. and I guess I was so stupid to let it get to me.. and have my heart ache. I never had my heart ache before.. and I tell you, its a feeling you don’t wanna have. It’s damn painful. It took a lot out of me not to cry it out.

Ok what caused it.. a guy.. *rolls eyes* As usual heh. I know but he’s not an ordinary guy. I was really beginning to like him.. for who he really is.. you know beyond the covers and all that crap, and then I got to know he’s a sex freak. Are all men like that? Only that he’s just Vocal abt it? He scares the CRAP outta me!

Ok so we met while we were working at esplanade. (no worries, he’s not a staff there.) So yea… sigh.. then few days later when he fetched me back.. he was tellin me that he wanna "make love" to me. I told him no.. cos I’m just not ready.. and hell I just knew him for like 3 days! And that’s the first time we were together w/o anyone else around. We did more than talking and now I’m beginning to wonder if I shld have let that happen. I mean no matter what.. it was just all to fast. He was saying that.. “Its going fast cos we both are attracted to one another.” He said a lot of things to make me feel cherished. I’m serious. Maybe its just words.. I don’t know if he really meant it.. but at that point of time.. I knew he did. Now I just don’t know if at that point of time, it was his dick doing the talking.

Now I just feel lost. I mean I don’t know what to do.. I've deleted all his msgs cos it hurt so much to read it over and over again.. And just when I was abt to get over him and decide that he does this kindda thing all the time cos of the nature of his work.. There he'll be smsing me and callin me all the pet names he had for me and asking how I am and asking me out again. I’m just confused.

M

catch me :: if :: i fall