In hindsight, it's a good thing the writers of the original Star Wars were able to discern the subtle difference between "Luke, I'm your father" and "Luke, who's your daddy?"
~ Ward Cobleigh

If you know what Soylent Mauve is made of, do me a favor and keep it to yourself - I have enough trouble choking down Soylent Green.
~ D.K. Lepchuk

People laughed at me for learning to speak Klingon, but let me tell you: There's nothing funnier than being on the witness stand with your hand on the Bible and watching the court reporter go nuts when you answer the "tell the truth" question with a loud "SHHINGO-THOTECT!"
~ Dan Weckerly

I think they should call the new military campaign "Operation: Hey Man, Smell My Finger" -- just so that we could hear Dan Rather say that.
~ Matt Johnson

HUGH SMASH PUNY HUMANS!!! HUGH IS THE STRONGEST ONE THERE--Oh... wait, never mind. That's "HULK SMASH!" Sorry about the coffee table.
~ Hugh F. Yeman

He's making a list, and checking it twice. He's gonna find out which neighbors are naughty and nice. Santa Todd is sneaking, around.
~ Todd Loushine

Sure, they laughed at Christopher Columbus when he stood there in Queen Isabella's court and said that the world was round. But that was chiefly because he didn't know he had this big thing of toilet tissue stuck to his shoe.
~ Andy Ihnatko

Just because you give the ghouls, zombies and vampires party hats, noise makers, confetti and orange soda and call them the "Fundead" doesn't mean they won't try to eat you. Even the Fundead gotta eat.
~ Warren

We'd be a lot better off if instead of this whole war thing, we simply challenged al Qaeda to send their four best pro wrestlers to fight against three of our pro wrestlers and Leonardo DiCaprio. Not only would we quickly resolve this conflict, we'd get to see Leo beaten with a folding chair.
~ James Floyd

Rumor has it they're out there starting WWIII right now. I, for one, am dreading it. Sequels are never as good as the original.
~ Carrie Stevens

If Luke had been *my* mom's son, he'd have heard two words a lot: "Jedi Schmedi."
~ Jim Rosenberg

Trying to figure out the difference between the Backstreet Boys and *N SYNC? Well, it's easy. The Backstreet Boys appeal to girls who are just about to hit puberty. *N SYNC appeal to girls who are *almost* just about to hit puberty.
~ Bill Ervin

You know how much damage my car would take if I slowly and repeatedly ran over a Spice Girl? Who cares? It would be worth it.
~ Dianna Hill

Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
~ Unknown

Stay out of my country, you damn terrorists! Don't make me get the garden hose!
~ Kevin Brettauer