Laker Jim's 1984 Fletch Script

FLETCH SCRIPT
(section 2)

For the first time on the net...

Laker Jim's Fletch Won Homepage presents Fletch Fans everywhere the 1984 Fletch Script.

A New Section will be added every FRIDAY

(This is not for reprint or sale. This script is solely for entertainment or educational purposes only...enjoy)

FLETCH SCRIPT PART 10 - Don't call me Irwin (260-A) to The END

Click here to Listen to the Fletch Midi while you read

FLETCH SCRIPT CONTINUED...

60 EXT. SANTA MONICA STREET - LATE AFTERNOON

Fletch pulls up in front of his building, a 1970's cinderblock apartment complex. Fletch parks his car halfway up the curb, gets out and spots a Mercedes coupe. He starts running toward the rear of his building.

61 EXT. REAR OF THE BUILDING - DAY

Fletch starts climbing up the fire escape of his building.

62 FIRE ESCAPE - DAY

Fletch reaches the second floor. He's huffing and puffing.

FLETCH
Christ.

63 REVERSE

Attorney Charles Gillett is waiting for him on the second floor fire escape. Gillett smiles.

GILLETT
Refusal to pay alimony is a jailable offense, Fletch.

64 MASTER

FLETCH
What about breaking and entering?
(points to Gillett's coat)
Are you wearing anything under that?

GILLETT
I did not break nor enter. I simply chose an advisable
location to await my client's delinquent husband.

FLETCH
I hate to conduct business on the lanai. Why don't we step inside.

Fletch takes out a credit card and jimmies open the lock on the window.

65 INT. FLETCH'S APARTMENT - DAY

Fletch climbs in through the window, followed by Gillett. His small apartment is just barely furnished. A low basketball hoop is attached to the wall. Fletch takes a ball, offers it to Gillett.

FLETCH
One on one?

Gillett shakes his head. Fletch does a reverse shot and misses, sending a plastic globe lamb crashing to the floor.

FLETCH
And the foul.

Fletch takes a second, successful shot.

GILLETT
You owe Wendy nine hundred and eighteen dollars.

FLETCH
(still playing b-ball)
She doesn't need the money, for crissakes.
She's living with Monty. I know it.

GILLETT
I don't know what you're referring to.
Wendy maintains her own residence.

FLETCH
It stinks. I thought woman were independent now.

GILLETT
Until she remarries, Fletch.

FLETCH
Hey, shut up, okay? I just hate this.

GILLETT
I empathize with your plight, Fletch. However,
you threw her out.

FLETCH
She was sleeping with everybody. The cable TV
guy. You can't get lower than that....

GILLETT
You should have proved that in a court of law.

FLETCH
My lawyer was a bum.

GILLETT
(smiles)
I agree.

Fletch puts down the basketball, picks up a stack of mail and rifles through it.

FLETCH
I think he was sleeping with Wendy, too.

GILLETT
You may be right.

FLETCH
Are you serious?

GILLETT
(shrugs)
That's history, Fletch. You owe us nine hundred
and eighteen dollars.

FLETCH
Wait a minute! Our problems might be solved.

Fletch holds up an envelope with Ed McMahon's picture on it.

FLETCH
(continuing)
I think I just won a million dollars!

He opens it and looks inside, feigning disappointment.

FLETCH
(continuing)
Damn...lost again. Sorry.

GILLETT
This is no joke. If some kind of payment isn't made,
we're going to have to contact the paper and garnish your wages.

Fletch sighs, takes out the envelope given to him by Stanwyk. He hands a thousand dollars to Gillett.

GILLETT
Cash. I'm impressed.

FLETCH
Found it in a cab. That's a grand.
Apply the difference to next month.

GILLETT
Till then.

Gillett smiles and exits.

66 KITCHEN - DAY

Fletch opens the fridge. Inside are tow six-packs of Coors, a jar of Miracle Whip, a half a cucumber, and a brown head of lettuce. Fletch takes a beer and slams the door shut with such force that we hear breakage inside.

67 MASTER - APARTMENT - DAY

In a foul mood, Fletch leaves the kitchen, and wanders into the living room. It has the personality of an Abbey Rents.

He picks up the TV remote control. The television clicks on. Chick Hearn is with Jabbar, during a Laker pregame warmup.

FLETCH
Thank God.

Fletch settles back.

68 TELEVISION

Hearn is gushing over Jabbar.

69 FLETCH

He watches contemplatively. He is bone tired.

70 TELIVISION

HEARN
How about Fletch?

JABBAR
Well, Fletch has been great. He's super-strong,
really clogs the middle for us, boxes out,
gets the bounds....

71 FLETCH

He smiles and nods, deep in fantasy.

72 TELEVISION

HEARN
Now here's a key play in Tuesday night's game....

Hearn and Jabbar look down at a television monitor.

73 FLETCH

He's half asleep.

JABBAR (V.O.)
Here I am dishing off to Fletch....

Fletch raises an eyebrow.

74 TELEVISION

There's Fletch, his hair in an Afro, dressed in Laker gold. He's on the receiving end of a Jabbar pass, making an easy layup.

HEARN (V.O.)
Gosh, he makes it look so easy!

75 FLETCH

asleep, smiling.

77 PRICATICE COURT - DAY

Gail Stanwyk is on the other side of the net, loading tennis balls into the automatic serve machine. She is in her late twenties and quite attractive., but in a much more natural way than other women we see here. She is good natured and effervescent. Fletch steps up to the entrance of the court.

FLETCH
Gail Stanwyk!

She looks up. He enters the court with great delight.

FLETCH
(continuing)
I haven't seen you since the wedding,
Jeez, you look great.

MRS. STANWYK
(genuinely pleased)
I do? Oh, isn't that sweet, thank you. I have to confess
something to you. I must have been pretty plowed at your wedding.
I really don't have the faintest idea who you are.

FLETCH
Huh? No, not my wedding. Yours.

MRS. STANWYK
Oh, mine! Thank God.
(furrows her brow)
Actually, that doesn't make it any better, does it?
Are you a friend of Alan's?

FLETCH
We used to fly together. I'm...John.

MRS. STANWYK
(snaps her fingers in happy recognition)
John! You used to fly together!

Her smile segues right into an "I'm sorry, bit I give up" expression.

MRS. STANWYK
John who?

FLETCH
John Ultrarelamensky.

MRS. STANWYK
(bursts out in laughter)
Oh, I'm sorry. It's a beautiful name, really.

FLETCH
It's Scotch-Rumanian.

MRS. STANWYK
(still loading tennis balls)
That's a strange combination.

FLETCH
So were my parents.

MRS. STANWYK
Mind if I keep practicing? I need to work
on my ground stroke a little.

FLETCH
Please.

As Mrs. Stanwyk crosses to the other side of the net, a waiter approaches Fletch.

WAITER
Excuse me sir. Are you a guest of the club?

FLETCH
Yes, I'm with the Underhills.

WAITER
They just left, sir.

FLETCH
They'll be back. He had to go in for a urinalysis.

WAITER
Would you care for a drink while you're waiting?
I can put it on the Underhill bill.

FLETCH
Great. I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich.

WAITER
Very good sir.

The Waiter leaves, and Fletch watches as Mrs. Stanwyk tries to return the serving machine's serves. She swings so goofily that she can't even get the racket on the ball. She has clearly never taken a lesson in her life, and it is doubtful if she will ever make contact with a tennis ball in this century.

MRS. STANWYK
Damn, I thought I had that one.

FLETCH
You should play with much larger tennis balls. So how's Alan?

MRS. STANWYK
What are you asking me for? He's so busy lately I hardly see him.
And he's been so preoccupied.

FLETCH
Preoccupied with what?

MRS. STANWYK
Oh, personal stuff. Look! I hit one!

Indeed, she has. Strait up. She and Fletch crane their necks upward to follow it's flight.

FLETCH
Good. Lobs are a very important part of the game.

She completely misses the next one.

FLETCH
Why do you keep doing this?

MRS STANWYK
I love the outfits.

The next one she hits with the handle.

FLETCH
Try stepping into the ball with your left foot.

He demonstrates a swing. She puts on a determined face, makes an awkward step and swings at the next ball, missing it completely, and letting the racket fly.

FLETCH
There, much better.

Mrs. Stanwyk laughs happily and dodges the machine-served balls to walk over to Fletch. When she's almost up to him, she turns back to the serving machine and points a finger at it, as if addressing a pet dog.

MRS STANWYK
Stay!
(to Fletch)
I must be having an off day. I'm really a fabulous player.

FLETCH
I have this effect on lots of women.

MRS STANWYK
I bet you do.

FLETCH
Say, the reason I asked about Alan is that I bumped into
him this morning and you know what I can't figure out?

MRS STANWYK
(catching him in his lie)
Alan's in Utah.

FLETCH
(after a beat)
I can't figure out why I went to Utah for the morning.

MRS STANWYK
Okay. I'm delighted to have someone to talk to,
and you're very cute, so I'm very flattered, but
I'm also very married so you may as well forget --
You are trying to hit on me, aren't you?

FLETCH
(thinks, then nods)
I'm such a heel. How'd you guess?

MRS STANWYK
If I had a nickel for every one of Alan's flyboy buddies
who tried to pick me up, I'd be a rich woman.

FLETCH
You are a rich woman.

MRS STANWYK
See what I mean?

She trots back to her ball machine. Fletch calls after her.

FLETCH
What's he doing in Utah?

MRS STANWYK
None of your business, now go away.
You're throwing my game off.

Fletch chuckles -- he likes this woman -- and exits.

78 BOYD AVIATION - DAY - ESTABLISHING

A sprawling, Hughes-like complex.

FLETCH
(O.S.)
...then who walks in but George Bush.
He took one look around the room...

79 INT. JOHN BOYD'S OFFICE - DAY

A Secretary is serving coffee to Fletch (now dressed in a three piece suit) and John Boyd, Gail Stanwyk's father. At seventy, he is probably Chairman Emeritus now; no longer running the day-to-day operations of the company, and thus somewhat grateful from the company.

FLETCH
(continuing)
...and said 'Sorry Mr. President, I
thought it was Saturday.'

Boyd Laughs.

FLETCH
I thought I was going to die.

SECRETARY
Sugar, Mr. Poon?

FLETCH
Thank you.

Fletch notices a framed wedding photograph on the credenza behind Boyd. It is of Alan and Gail Stanwyk, Alan beaming a $hit-eating grin and holding a happy thumbs-up.

Fletch waits as the Secretary leaves the room, then begins speaking confidentially.

FLETCH
Okay.

He opens his attache case, allowing Boyd to see an airline ticket, a Washington Post, and a file stenciled "Confidential/S.E.C. Use only."

FLETCH
First of all, let me just reiterate that this is not a formal
investigation. I'm not going through formal channels here, because
if Alan Stanwyk is not involved in any improprieties, then nobody
has to know I was even ---

BOYD
Alan Stanwyk is not involved in improprieties. Where
the hell does the S.E.C. come off ---

Fletch is nodding sympathetically and holds up a quieting hand. Boyd stops in mid-tirade, and watches as Fletch reaches into his briefcase and seemingly turns off a tape recorder.

FLETCH
Look. You know that and I know that, but somebody's bucking
for a promotion. I think it's that bozo, Hanrahan, I can't be sure.
Anyway, unless I go back there with something, you and your
son-in-law are next week's scapegoats.

BOYD
Unbelievable.

FLETCH
I feel like dirt. They even want to know what he's doing in Utah?

BOYD
Utah?
(laughs)
Jesus Christ! First of all, Alan Stanwyk does not own one
share of stock.The three million dollars for the ranch
in Provo comes from my daughter who converted some of her
personal holdings, not company holdings. Now if anybody
in DC wants to make something of that, bring 'em on.
Until then, get the hell out of my face.

FLETCH
(stands and closes briefcase)
God I admire you.

BOYD
By the way: what kind of name is Poon?

FLETCH
Comanche Indian.

80 ALAN STANWYK'S OFFICE - DAY

Fletch breezes in, right up to the Secretary, whose nameplate reads MADELINE TURNER.

FLETCH
(rapidly)
Oh, Margie, sorry, Frieda lost the number
of Alan's realtor in Provo. Can you give it to
me real quick?

MARGIE
Jim Swarthout?

FLETCH
Yeah.

She writes it out for him.

MARGIE
And, I'm sorry, who are you again?

FLETCH
(grabbing the paper)
Frieda's boss.

MARGIE
(calling after him)
Who's Frieda?

FLETCH
(out the door)
My secretary.

CONTINUED IN SECTION 3

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