Once Upon a Time there was a Little Bush Hen. One day, the Little Bush Hen was badly hurt by terror. The Little Bush Hen said "I will make the world safe from terror."

"First," said the Little Bush Hen, "Who will help me get the Taliban out of Afghanistan?"
"Not I," said the NATO nations. "We meant, when we invoked Article V, that we would tell you what to do. We never meant that we would help you."
"Not I," said the United Nations. "You must realize the root causes of terror. You must sign Kyoto."
"Not I," said le Chat, and the other EUniks. "Too simplisme."
"Not I," said the Democrats. "Quagmire, Viet Nam, body bags, Kyoto."
"Very Well," said the Little Bush Hen. "Then I will do it myself (with help from our REAL allies.)" And he did.

"Next," said the Little Bush Hen, "Who will help me get a real government for the Palestinians?"
"Not I," said the NATO Nations. "Arafat is a terrorist, but better the terrorist you know than the terrorist you don't."
"Not I," said the United Nations. "We hate Israel. Arafat may be a terrorist, but if we only give him what he wants, he won't give us any more trouble. Besides, he won the Nobel Peace Prize."
"Not I," said the EUniks. "We hate Israel. Too simplisme. You're just a cowboy."
"Not I," said the Democrats. "Quagmire. Viet Nam. Oslo. Nobel Peace Prize. Camp David. J-E-W-S. Arab Street."
"Very Well," said the Little Bush Hen. "Then I will do it myself." And he did.

"Now," said the Little Bush Hen, "Who will help me get rid of Saddam Hussein?"
"Not I," said the NATO Nations. "A few nukes, a little smallpox, some Sarin gas? Maybe if we're very very quiet, he won't use them on us."
"Not I," said the United Nations. "We've had 14 resolutions already, and we're sure the 15th will work. Saddam has always lied before, but this time he says there will be no conditions, as long as we negotiate the conditions. Besides, you won't join the ICC."
"Not I," said Herta Daeubler-Gmelin and the other EUniks. "Bush wants to distract attention from his domestic problems. This is a popular method. Hitler also used it."
"Not I," said the Democrats. "We don't like what you're doing, and we don't have any suggestions on how to change it, but we want to get votes in November. Also, Quagmire, Kyoto, Arab Street, and VietNam."
"Fool me once, shame on you, and shame to you if you try to fool me again," said the Little Bush Hen. "Then our real allies and I will do it ourselves." And they did.

"OK," said the Little Bush Hen. "Who will help me get rid of Hamas?"
"Not I," said the NATO nations. "We have too many young Muslims in our countries who could hurt us."
"Not I," said the United Nations. "Syria is on the Security Council. Besides, what do a few Jew deaths matter? You're supposed to be sending money and food to Mugabe."
"Not I," said the EUniks. "We're spending all our money on social programs, so it's YOUR job to defend us. You cowboys all see things as 'right' and 'wrong.' Too simplisme."
"Not I," said the Democrats. "Quagmire. Arab Street. Kyoto. Viet Nam. Body bags. Unions. Prescription drugs."
"Very well," said the Little Bush Hen. "Then I will do it myself." And he did.

"Well," said the Little Bush Hen. "The world is a lot safer. Who will help me live in this world?"
"I will!" said the NATO Nations.
"I will!" said the United Nations.
"I will!" said the EUniks.
"I will!" said the Democrats.

The Little Bush Hen said, "You wouldn't help me get the Taliban. You wouldn't help me ignore Arafat. You wouldn't help me cleanse Iraq. You wouldn't help me eliminate Hamas. If it was a fair world, you wouldn't get to live in it. However, life isn't fair. We're leaving NATO. We're leaving the United Nations, and asking it to leave New York City. The European Union will have to pay for its own defense. You Democrats will have to answer to your voters and explain why you thought votes were preferable to security. But you all can live in this free world. Me and my real allies will just enjoy it more."

And they did.