Save our Supermarket

A SMALL COUNTRY SUPERMARKET. THE MAIN ENTRANCE IS U.S.C. C.S. IS DOMINATED BY THREE CHECKOUT COUNTERS. THE MAIN ACTING AREA IS IN FRONT OF THIS. D.S. WE SEE THE ENDS OF THE AISLES STACKED WITH SPECIALS. SHOPPERS EXIT INTO THE BODY OF THE STORE D.S.L. AND D.S.R. C.S.L. THERE IS THE MANAGERS OFFICE. C.S.R. IS A COKE MACHINE. THE STAFF AREA AND STORE ROOMS ARE ACCESSED THROUGH THE BODY OF THE STORE D.S.L. A SIGN "MOORE'S SUPERMARKET" HANGS OVER THE CHECKOUTS.

A NIGHT LIGHT IS BURNING. ERN ENTERS. HE SWITCHES ON THE U.S. LIGHTS AND BEGINS TO TIDY UP, STACKING AWAY PLASTIC BAGS AROUND THE CHECKOUTS, FILLING IMPULSE DISPLAYS, ETC.

SOMEONE BANGS AT THE STREET DOORS.

CLOE (OFF) Ern?

ERN Eh?

CLOE (OFF) Ern.

ERN LETS HER IN.

CLOE Thank God you're here.

ERN Good morning, Cloe.

CLOE You wouldn't have a drink, would you?

ERN Now come on Cloe, you know...

CLOE Just a little nip.

ERN I don't have a licence.

CLOE I wasn't gunna offer to pay for it.

ERN Cloe.

CLOE I know you got a bottle in your office.

ERN No, Cloe.

CLOE Just a little nip. Please Ern. I really need it.

ERN No. No.

CLOE Don't make me beg you. Please.

ERN Oh alright.

CLOE Thanks Ern. Thanks. You're a life saver.

ERN GOES TO OFFICE. SWITCHES ON LIGHT.

ERN I know. Round with a hole in me head.

CLOE No. Honest. I never met a better bloke. Honest.

ERN I dunno why I give in to you.

ERN STANDS ON CHAIR TO GET BOTTLE FROM TOP OF CABINET.

CLOE Cos you know me. You know there's no harm in me.

ERN No good in you.

CLOE Go on. If I'm that bad why give me a drink?

ERN I'm not sure I will.

CLOE Oh please. Just a nip. You know I'd never take more than a nip.

ERN Alright. Here you are. If you want to poison yourself, go ahead.

POURS HER A GLASS. CLOE TAKES THE BOTTLE.

CLOE Ah.

ERN Some nip.

CLOE I needed that. Had a terrible night. A fearful night. Me, who's not afraid of anything. Afraid.

ERN You?

ERN EXITS OFFICE. CLOE FOLLOWS.
CLOE I camped around the corner in Campbell Street I lay down on the earth. The good earth pressed against me back. The stars wheeled overhead. I think I dreamed, of voices chittering. Mechanical clicking and clacking. Knitting needles operating on my soul. I sat up. Quiet. Listening.
(ERN HAS GIVEN UP AND GONE ABOUT HIS BUSINESS).
Aaaaaaaaugh!!!

ERN SPRAYS LOLLIES EVERYWHERE.

ERN Holy snapping duck shit!

CLOE I saw them

ERN What the hell are you doing?

CLOE I saw them bubbling out of the ground. Goblins. Demons of darkness. Horrible tormented travesties of flesh. Black and red steel arms tearing and clawing at the earth. Rending the earth.

ERN The D.T.'s. She's got the D.T.'s.

CLOE My flesh crawled.

ERN Don't go away.

ERN GOES TO OFFICE.

CLOE The hair on the back of my neck rose. The demons stopped and stared silently at me.

ERN (ON PHONE) Hello? Carol?

CLOE Then altogether, on cue, they becan a terrible clacking sound.

ERN Look, it's Cloe.

CLOE My voice... wouldn't come.

ERN She's here at the shop.

CLOE My bladder... emptied.

ERN Looks like the D.T.'s.

CLOE I gasped. Stood. Then... Aaaaaaugh!!!

ERNCome and get her, will you?

HANGS UP.

CLOE They're in the town. They're after you. They're black and red. They're hiding in dark places. Do something Ern. Ern? Ern?
(ERN COMES OUT OF OFFICE. CLOE GRABS HIM).
Do something. Do something.

ERN Calm down. Calm down. Calm down.

CLOE CALMS DOWN.

CLOE Do something.

ERN I'll give you some Mortein.

CLOE I'm not drunk.
(CLOE STARTS TO LEAVE).
Upset, yes.
(CLOE STARTS TO LEAVE).
Maybe even irrational.
(CLOE STARTS TO LEAVE).
But I know what I saw.

ERN Cloe, hang about for a bit. I called Carol. She's coming down.

CLOE I don't need Carol.
(CLOE STARTS TO LEAVE).
But I will stay. I don't want to go back out there just yet. Can I have another nip?

ERN No. Have a coke. On me.

CLOE GOES AND GETS A COKE. ERN PICKS UP LOLLIES. CLOE SINKS DOWN IN A HUDDLE BEHIND THE COKE MACHINE. ERN OBSERVES HER. ALMOST SAYS SOMETHING, THEN THINKS BETTER OF IT.

VAL ENTERS.

VAL Geez, what a dump. What a dum puh! (TO ERN) Hi, I'm your work experience sales rep. This your place?

ERN Yes.

VAL I bet you've been here all your life.

ERN Yes.

VAL Love the small town life, do yer?

ERN It's not bad.

VAL It's the people, isn't it.

ERN Yes.

VAL Yes. And this is just a guess, you re-decorated recently?

ERN No. It's always been like this.

VAL Has it. I would never have guessed.

ERN We like it.

VAL You would.

ERN You know there's something about a supermarket. Big W. Super K Mart. Moore's Store. It's the essence of Australia. Miles and miles of aisles piled high with things to buy.

VAL Rampant Consumerism.

ERN I wouldn't say that.

VAL You know what I see when I look in a supermarket?

ERN No.

VAL Mouths. Mouths with gnashing teeth tearing at giant Corn Flakes packets. Mouths with blood red lips guzzling oceans of Robur and Lanchoo. Serrated mouths gorging on mountainous piles of raw red steak. Fanged mouths drowning in avalanches of baked beans. Fifteen million Australian mouths clawing and gnawing their way through endless rivers of garbage.
(PAUSE)
Well let's get on with it. Oy! Where's your order sheet.

ERN Eh?

VAL Order sheet?

ERN Oh.

VAL That's right. I've got all day...I don't think.

ERN GETS THE SHEETS.

ERN You are alright, aren't you?

VAL Yea.

ERN And you plan to make a career of being a Sales Rep.

VAL Naw. You meet too many dead-heads. Couple of weeks and I'll tell 'em to stick this job.

ERN All thouse mouths I expect.

VAL Is this all you want?

ERN Yes.

VAL Geez. I've seen people go through the checkout with more than this.

ERN We're only a small community.

VAL What, all midgets?

ERN I beg your pardon?

VAL Skip it pops. See you next week. Geez.

VAL EXITS. ERN RETURNS TO PICKING UP LOLLIES.
MAY ENTERS.

MAY Mr Moore?

ERN Hello. You're May. Ted Harrison's little girl.

MAY Yes.

ERN I knew you when you were that high. Now look at you.

MAY Yea, well.

NAOMI AND TERRI ENTER.

NAOMI Good morning Ern.

TERRI Good morning Mr Moore.

ERN Good morning girls. This is May Harrison.

MAY Good'ay.

TERRI Starting, are you?

MAY Yes.

ERN You girls might try to set a good example.

NAOMI Don't let him bullshit you.

ERN Tell me, May. What do you think this job requires.
(PAUSE. MAY SELF-CONSCIOUSLY REMOVES A CHEWY AND DROPS IT IN A BIN).
You see. I don't have to tell you a thing. You know what the job requires. You've been through the checkouts yourself a thousand times. You know what the customer wants. Now it's your job.
(TERRI AND NAOMI GO INTO OFFICE. THEY'VE HEARD ALL THIS BEFORE).
You are the front line. The person the customer sees. In a real sense you are the supermarket. But more than that, you are the cutting edge of economics. The key to all our prosperity. May. It's not too much to say the fate of the western world rests on your shoulders.

MAY Dinkum?

CLARKE Sorry I'm late.

ERN Not again.

CLARKE Me car broke down.

ERN You could have walked here in two minutes.

CLARKE Yea. But I had to fix it, didn't I? Gotta have a car. Hello. What's your name?

ERN Never you mind. Come into the office.
(NAOMI & TERRI RETURN WITH THE FLOAT).
Look after May.

ERN GOES INTO THE OFFICE.

NAOMI Alright.

CLARKE See you. (TO MAY)

CLARKE GOES INTO OFFICE.

MAY Who's he?

NAOMI Clarke?

TERRI Five billion people in the world and we got Clarke.

MAY No, come on. What's he really like.

NAOMI Well I'm told there are worse things under rocks, but personally I don't believe it.

MAY Really?

TERRI Really. We call him super glue.

MAY Super glue?

NAOMI Because he sticks his hands all over you.

TERRI If there is such a thing as re-incarnation Clarke is coming back as a slug.

NAOMI And for him that's an improvement. Seriously, don't give him the time of the day.

MAY And what's Mr. Moore like?

TERRI He's alright.

NAOMI Don't mind Ern. Just pulls himself a bit. That's all.

TERRI What made you take this job?

MAY Gotta do something. It was this or work in a factory.

TERRI What factory.

MAY The one they're building round the corner in Campbell street. Dad said I'd probably get a job there.

NAOMI Bugger factory work for a lark.

MAY Yea. I didn't think I'd fancy it.

NAOMI No future in it. All those sorts of jobs are pretty mind deadening.

TERRI I worked in a factory once.

NAOMI See?

TERRI Rack off.

NAOMI Naw. The sooner they automate those sort of jobs out of existence the better for everybody I reckon.

JEAN PAIGE AND COACH MARY BALL ENTER.

MAY Anyhow I got this job.

COACH Hello Terri.

TERRI Hello Mary.

COACH Is Ern around?

TERRI In the office.

COACH Ta.

TERRI Mary's our netball coach.

COACH Do you play?

MAY Not really.

COACH You ought to come out to practise.

TERRI There's always a spot on the team.

MAY I'm not very good.

COACH Don't worry about that.

TERRI It's only a social game.

COACH Anyway you'll improve.

MAY I dunno.

NAOMI You might as well give in straight away. She'll keep at you till you do.

MAY Alright, I'll give it a try.

COACH Great. Practise is Wednesdays.

NAOMI Terri got me out once. I was so terrible I never got invited back.

TERRI She wouldn't play. She could if she tried.

NAOMI No thank you. There's more to life than netball.

COACH KNOCKS ON DOOR OF OFFICE.
CROSS FADE TO OFFICE.

ERN I hate to do it. It's going to cost a lot.

CLARKE All the city shops have them.

ERN So what? Do we need them here? This isn't that big a town.

CLARKE You've got to move with the times.

ERN I dunno.

CLARKE It's simple economics. Install a bar-code reader and you don't have to label all your shelf stock. You know instantly what stock's on hand. You reduce staff.

ERN You mean someone gets sacked.

CLARKE Yes. No point employing someone you don't need.

ERN But who would I sack. You?

CLARKE Aw, come on dad. Last on first off surely.

COACH KNOCKS AT OFFICE DOOR.

ERN I'll think about it. You go and do the inventory.
(COACH KNOCKS AGAIN).
Coming. And don't say anything to anyone. I haven't decided yet.

CLARKE LEAVES OFFICE.

CLARKE I still don't know your name.

MAY May.

CLARKE That sounds interesting.

MAY Everyone says that.

CLARKE I'm not everyone. The fact is I'm the boss's son. You might like to think of the implications of that.

TERRI Piss off Clarke.

CLARKE I hope you're saving wisely.

TERRI What's that supposed to mean?

CLARKE You'll find out.

CLARKE EXITS TO BACK OF STORE.

MAY He is a real sleazoid, isn't he.

NAOMI Don't worry. If he comes back I've got something here that will fix him.

TERRI What?

NAOMI Baygon.

TERRI Yea. Anyway, come out the back and I'll get you a top.

MAY AND TERRI EXIT THROUGH SUPERMARKET TO BACK OF STORE. CROSS FADE TO OFFICE.

ERN Come it Mary. Joan isn't it?

JEAN Jean. Jean Paige. Apt. I'm a writer. Doing a history of the netball team. Mind if I take notes?

ERN Eh?

COACH Shut up, Jean. I'll come right to the point. Ern, you've supported the netball team in the past.

ERN Yes. What's Jean. Miss Paige...

COACH Ignore her.

JEAN Pretend I'm not here.

COACH You usually provide the team with uniforms, expendables, nets and so on.

ERN My little bit for the sporting fraternity.

COACH The thing is this year we're going to need more. lot more. We need to re-surface the courts and do some serious maintenance to the club rooms.

ERN Ouch.

JEAN Can I quote you?

ERN Look Mary, what's she...

COACH The netball courts are clearly unsafe. Here are the figures--Lowest quote in every case--detailing the work that needs to be done.

ERN That's a lot of money, Mary. I couldn't... Don't write this down...I don't have that sort of money. I can give you something, over and above my normal sponsorship, but nothinglike this. Can't some other businesses chip in?

COACH I've tried. It's not that business doesn't support us. They do. And the football team. And the golf club. And the bowls. And so on. Everybody's fully committed. It's up to you Ern. The netball club is counting on you.

ERN I'm sorry Mary. I couldn't sell this place for that much. It's simple economics.

JEAN I don't suppose an appeal to history would be in order.

ERN No.

COACH Then the netball club is doomed.

ERN I wouldn't say that. Something'll turn up. It always does.

COACH I doubt it.

ERN I'll still give my usual amount. For uniforms.

COACH Thank you. Though what good uniforms will do without anywhere to play is beyond me.

ERN You never know.

COACH Goodbye.

JEAN "...mission essentially a failure".

ERN COMES OUT OFF THE OFFICE.

ERN I'm sorry.

COACH What we need is a new source of funds.

ERN There is that new factory going up around the corner in Campbell St. They might be prepared to cough up a bit of sponsorship.

JEAN That's a point.

COACH I'll consider them.

COACH MARY BALL EXITS.

JEAN Hang on Mary.
(STRUGGLES TO GATHER HER THINGS).
Dramatic little moment, wasn't it. It's why I like local history. People don't realise. History is happening around you all the time. Do you mind if I quote you in there?

JEAN PAIGE STARTS TO LEAVE.

ERN No. Tell Mary I'll still pay for the uniforms.

JEAN Sure. Mary. Wait.

JEAN PAIGE EXITS.
ERN RETURNS TO HIS OFFICE.
CLOE STIRS.

NAOMI Ah! Sorry, Cloe. I didn't see you there.

CLOE I'm gunna go now.

NAOMI You don't have to.

CLOE Tell Ern I'm going.

NAOMI Alright, Cloe.

CLOE Tell me. How's me credit?

NAOMI Terrible.

CLOE I'm really flat strap. Need a few things.

NAOMI Alright. Come through my checkout.

CLOE Thanks, Naomi.

NAOMI Not now. Later. After we've had a few customers through.

MRS. GLADWICK ENTERS WITH MRS. ALSOP.

CLOE Alright.

NAOMI Good morning Mrs Gladwick. Mrs Alsop.

MRS G This way dear. No dear. This way.

ERN ENTERS FROM OFFICE.

ERN Good morning Mrs Gladwick. Mrs Alsop.

MRS GLADWICK AND MRS ALSOP EXIT TO STORE.
CAROL ENTERS.

CLOE Oh Christ.

CAROL Cloe.

CLOE Save me.

CAROL How is our miscreant?

ERN She's settled down. Had the D.T.'s earlier. I thought...

CLOE I never had nothing, Ern. You know me. I never had nothing.

CAROL Alright, Cloe. Alright.

ERN Would you like to use the office.

CAROL Thanks Ern.
(CAROL LEADS CLOE TO THE OFFICE.)
Let's just have a talk Cloe.

CLOE I really did see those things. I really did. I'm not normally afraid of the dark, but last night.
(SHUDDERS).

ERN EXITS TO BACK OF STORE.
CROSSFADE TO THE OFFICE.

CAROL Cloe, Cloe, Cloe. Look at yourself. You slept on the ground last night, didn't you?

CLOE No.

CAROL Tell the truth now.

CAROL REMOVES TWIGS AND LEAVES FROM CLOE'S HAIR AND HOLDS THE EVIDENCE ACCUSINGLY.

CLOE Cut it out...alright.

CAROL I don't know. One day you'll catch pneumonia and that'll be that.

CLOE I won't.

CAROL And your clothes. When did you last have a bath.

CLOE None of your business.

CAROLYou're an intelligent woman. Why do you do this to yourself.

CLOE Do what?

CAROL This. Look at you. I mean look at you.

CLOE Can't without a mirror.

CAROL You know what I mean.

CLOE No.

CAROL Why don't you... get a job.

CLOE Like you?

CAROL Yes.

CLOE But a gut everyday. Get ulcers?

CAROL It's not like that.

CLOE Isn't it?

CAROL No.

CLOE I'll bet you've got ulcers gnawing away inside there.

CAROL If I have you gave them to me. Come on. I'll take you back to the station.

CLOE What for?

CAROL Get you cleaned up. Get you some decent clothes. Get you some decent food.

CLOE Nope. I'm not going.

CAROL Cloe.

CLOE No.

CAROL Cloe if you don't make some effort somewhere along the line to look after yourself you're going to be committed to an institution. Is that what you want? Is that what you want?

CLOE I mind me own business. If I sleep out in the paddoch that's my business. If I don't wanna have a bath that's my business. You've got no right to boss me about.

CAROL Cloe if you can't...

CLOE Won't.

CAROL If you can't or won't look after yourself people are going to say you're incompitent. They're going to say you're a dirty old slag who ought to be put away.

CLOE People can say what they like. I can do what I like. That's democracy.

CAROL No. Democracy is about responsibility. Being responsible for yourself and the society you live in.

CLOE Well I don't live in society. Society can get stuffed.

CAROL You can't just snap your fingers and wish society away. If you won't conform to reasonable standards they will declare you incompitent. Lock you up. Put you away. What rights will you have then?

CLOE It won't happen.

CAROL I hope not. I sincerely hope not. But it will unless you clean up your act. Wash occasionally.

CLOE What in water?

CAROL Wash your clothes. Comb your hair. Cut down on your drinking.

CLOE I don't drink. Much.

CAROL Ern told me you were having the D.T.'s in here.

CLOE I've never had the D.T.'s or nothing. Never. I told Ern. I saw them real as life. I saw them with me own eyes. Living steel demons. Flesh without flesh. Satan.

CAROL Do you have any idea how that sounds?

CLOE It's true.

CAROL It sounds like you've popped a cork. It sounds like you've blown the top clear off your head.

CLOE Well I haven't. I'm sane as you. Saner. And I saw what I saw.

CAROL Where did you see these "demons".

CLOE Last night around on Campbell street. It must have been half past three.

CAROL Campbell Street. Isn''t that where the new factory is going up?

CLOE There's a big link chain fence.

CAROL Well there you are. It was dark. You were half asleep. You saw some machinery and your imagination did the rest.

CLOE No. That's not what I saw.

CAROL Yes it was. Now come along. And I don't want to hear any more abouit "Demons". Really.

CAROL BUSTLES CLOE OUT OF THE OFFICE. CROSS FADE TO CHECKOUT AREA.

CLOE Hey. Hey. What about habeas corpus?

CAROL Don't be silly.

CLOE You're a witness Naomi. I'm being kidnapped.

NAOMI See you later Cloe.

CLOE See you later.

CAROL AND CLOE EXIT. MAY RETURNS WITH TERRI. MAY IS NOW WEARING THE LOOSE TOP THAT IS THE SUPERMARKET UNIFORM.

TERRI How's that.

MAY GIVES A HALF TWIRL.

NAOMI Good. Let May have a go at the checkout for a bit.

TERRI Alright
(NAOMI GOES OUT THE BACK OF THE STORE.)
I hope you can count.

MAY I thought the cash register added everything up.

TERRI Ha. Your drawer's got a float of fifty dollars at the start of the day.

NAOM I'll collect multiples of a hundred at times and leave you a receipt. So at the end of the day your cash register total is your draw total minus your float plus your receipts plus your bankcards and other credit cards. Comprenez vous?

MAY Sorta.

TERRI You'll get the hang of it.

MAY I hope so.

MRS GLADWICK ENTERS FROM STORE WITH MRS ALSOP.

TERRI Good morning Mrs Gladwick. Mrs Alsop.

MRS G May Harrison, isn't it?

MAY Yes.

MRS G Thought you could do better than work here.

MAY I don't know.

TERRI There are worse jobs Mrs G.

MRS G Mind that. It's on special.

MAY ENTERS THE LAST PRICE AGAIN.

MRS G Still living at home?

MAY Yes.

MRS G I wouldn't move out yet.

TERRI What do you mean?

MRS G The new supermarket. It'll kill off this place. And I won't be sorry to see it go. The prices here are disgusting.

TERRI What supermarket?

MRS G Look at that. $1.75 for 250 grams. That's close to highway robbery.

ERN ENTERS FROM BACK OF STORE.

ERN What's the matter Mrs. Gladwick?

MRS G Your prices as usual.

ERN Our prices are very competative.

MRS G We'll find out, won't we. When you get some real competition. When the new supermarket opens.

ERN What supermarket.

MRS G The one around on Campbell street.

ERN Campbell Street? You mean the new factory? That's not a supermarket.

MRS G That's not what I've heard. It's not a factory at all. It's a supermarket. And I'll tell you one thing for sure. I'll be shopping there in future. This way dear. Dear? This way.

MRS GLADWICK FIELDS MRS ALSOP AND STEERS HER OUT.

TERRI It's not true, is it? They wouldn't open a second supermarket in a town this size, would they?

ERN No. Never.

MAY There is a new factory going up.

ROSE ANNE ENTERS.

TERRI Yes. A factory. It's not a supermarket, is it?

ERN Now come on. Stop worrying. If there were a new supermarket going up in town I'm sure I'd know about it. I think.
Let's do some work, hey?

TERRI & MAY EXIT TO BACK OF STORE.

ROSE ANNE What's the problem?

ERN My wife.

ROSE ANNE What's her worship been up to now.

ERN If there were a new supermarket opening in town she'd tell me, wouldn't she. Or would she see it as a conflict of interest?

ROSE ANNE Of course she'd tell you. Councillors, even mayors, are elected to represent us. Council is there to serve us. Not hide things from us.

ERN I'm not sure my wife would agree with that.

ROSE ANNE Damn it Ern. You let her walk all over you. Stick up for your rights as a rate payer. As a husband.

ERN I do. As a general rule. Sometimes.

ROSE ANNE You're a doormat, Ern. A wimp. The archetypal oppressed male.

ERN Stop it Rose Anne. I'm not oppressed. My wife and I have a good relationship.

ROSE ANNE So do the fox and the chicken. They both know where they stand. Especially at meal times. No. It's not a good analogy. I see her worship, your wife as something considerably more rapacious.

ERN Have you finished.

ROSE ANNE No. I want to talk about the new factory around the corner in Campbell street.

ERN So do I.

ROSE ANNE Good. I'm glad we agree this is serious.

ERN Well I wouldn't necessarily say that.

ROSE ANNE The whole project has been shrouded in secrecy. No public debate. No economic assessment. No impact study. We don't even know what the factory will be making.

ERN That's what I wanted to ask you.

ROSE ANNE Will there be toxic waste? Are there public health implications? What about the movement of goods from the factory through built up areas? None of this has been considered.

ERN Rose Anne...

ROSE ANNE It's the principle, Ern. We're racing headlong into the future. Throw up a factory here. Chop down a forest there. It's not good enough. We've got to slow down and consider the consequences of our actions.

ERN Rose Anne...

ROSE ANNE You do agree with me on this.

ERN It's difficult to know. You go so fast.

ROSE ANNE Well you are going to sign the petition.

ERN What petition?

ROSE ANNE To assess the impact of the new factory before it's allowed to go ahead. I've only been talking about it for five minutes.

ERN Alright. If you'll tell me something.

ROSE ANNE Anything. Just name it.

ERN TAKES ROSE ANNE INTO THE OFFICE.
CROSS FADE TO OFFICE.

ERN Generally I'm in favor of development--with safeguards, of course. There's no economic growth without development. The thing is, there should be a level playing field, don't you agree? We should all have an equal chance.

ROSE ANNE You've got a primitive view of economics, Ern. But I'll accept that just for the sake of argument.

ERN There's a rumour going around about the new factory around the corner in Campbell street. Some people think it's going to be a supermarket. It couldn't be, could it?

ROSE ANNE Ah ha. A supermarket would put your nose right out of joint, wouldn't it. You're afraid of competition.

ERN No. I'm not afraid of competition. I'd just like to know if I'm competing.

ROSE ANNE Well relax. You're not. The plans lodged with the council call it a small manufacturing facility. That's hardly a supermarket.

ERN You've got the plans of the factory?

ROSE ANNE Yes. I had a hell of a job getting them out of the council but.

ERN Can I see them?

ROSE ANNE Sure. I hoped to get some idea of the factory's capacity but the plans don't give much away.

ERN EXAMINES THE PLANS.

ERN That's strange. That's very strange.

ROSE ANNE What?

ERN Because the department of health regulations are so strict you can normally tell the number of poeple employed in a building simply by counting the toilets.

ROSE ANNE So?

ERN So that's the odd thing. On these plans there aren't any toilets at all.

ROSE ANNE That's done it.

ROSE ANNE STORMS OUT OF THE OFFICE FOLLOWED BY ERN. CROSS FADE TO CHECKOUT AREA.

ERN Rose Anne.

ROSE ANNE I'm going to find her worship and have it out with her.

ERN Now Rose Anne. Don't say anything you'll regret. You know what you're like.

ROSE ANNE I know what I'm doing. Her worship has got to realise that there must be accountability in council.
(BARRY AND BETTY ENTER.)
Where's her worship.

BARRY Well she's...(POINTS)

BETTY I saw her... (POINTS)

ROSE ANNE STORMS OUT. CLARKE ENTERS.

BARRY Where's Ern.

BETTY Good morning Ern.

BARRY Hello Ern.

BETTY We'll have to push that back.

BARRY You're right.

BETTY Create a bit of space.

BARRY Give us a hand here Clarke.

CLARKE What's going on.

BETTY What we need is a platform about so high.

BARRY Pallets Betty. Two pallets. Sheet of masonite. Think you can organise that?

BETTY That's it.

CLARKE Yes but...

BARRY Move it lad. Time is of the essence.

CLARKE EXITS TO BACK OF STORE.

BETTY A lectern. No, too formal.

BARRY Give us a hand here Ern.

BETTY Do you have a microphone. A public address. Of course you do. Will it reach to here, say?

ERN In the office.

BETTY GOES TO OFFICE. FETCHES A MICROPHONE ON A STAND.

BARRY Come on Ern. Put your shoulder to this.

ERN What's going on?

BARRY Move this up there. Create a bit of space. Build a platform.

CLOE ENTERS WATCHES ERN STRUGGLING WITH COKE MACHINE.

CLOE Having fun?

ERN Oh hello...Barry what's going on?

CLOE EXITS INTO STORE.

BARRY Push. Push. I'll explain. Looks like rain. Her worship said move the show in here. Said you wouldn't mind.

BARRY AND ERN SHIFT THE COKE MACHINE UP STAGE.

ERN What show?

BETTY Testing. Testing

BLOWS INTO THE MICROPHONE.
CLARKE WHEELS ON TWO PALLETS ON A PALLET TRUCK. TERRI, NAOMI AND MAY CARRY IN A SHEET OF MASONITE.

BARRY Good lad. Plonk it down about here.

NAOMI What the hell is going on Ern.

ERN Beats me.

BARRY Back a little further if you can. Woah. Great.

BETTY This is really good of you Ern. Public spirited.

BARRY You wouldn't have a lectern, would you?

ERN Betty, tell me what the...what is going on?

CLARKE GOES OFF WITH THE PALLET TRUCK.

BARRY Drop it on the top. We really need a lectern. Have you got a lectern, Ern?

BETTY It's perfectly simple. Looks like rain. Her worship said move the show in here. Said you wouldn't mind. No lectern. To formal. Forget the lectern.

THE GIRLS TOP THE PALLETS WITH THE MASONITE. CLOE ENTERS, PAUSES TO CATCH NAOMI'S EYE. NAOMI NOTICES CLOE AND NODS. CLOE EXITS INTO SUPERMARKET.

ERN No. We got that far before. What's the show?

BARRY I'm attached to the idea of a lectern. Great job girls.

NAOMI Yes.

BETTY Something festive, that's the go. We really need to dress it up a bit. Crepe paper. Bunting.

BARRY No. Simple dignity. A lectern.

ERN What?

BETTY Crepe.

ERN No. What is all this?

BETTY A stage.

ERN What for?

BARRY The show. Told you. Had to move it in here because it's raining.

ERN We've already established that several times. I'm trying to get beyond the weather.

BETTY We've got to agree on the stage. Crepe bunting.

ERN No crepe.

BARRY Lectern.

ERN No lectern. Can we get beyond the weather?

BETTY It's industrial kitch then.

BARRY Fraid so.

HER WORSHIP THE MAYOR, PENNY MOORE, ENTERS DRESSED IN HER ROBES OF OFFICE.

PENNY Hello Ern. Is everything ready? Good. Then we can begin.

ERN What's going on, Pen.

PENNY TAPS THE MICROPHONE. IT'S WORKING. AN AUDIENCE ASSEMBLES.

PENNY Friends. Fellow citizens. Country people. Let's recognise the public spirited generosity of man who's made his supermarket available to us, today. Ern Moore. My husband.
(CLAPS. GENTLE APPLAUSE. THE MINISTER AND THE COMPANY OFFICIALS ARRIVE. THERE IS THE MINISTER FOR INDUSTRY, DELIA SMITH, THE COMPANY'S MAGNAGING DIRECTOR, ALICE COWPER, AND ENGINEER VICTORIA VERBATIM. PENNY MOORE GUSHES TOWARDS THE GROUP. BEHIND THEM ROSE ANNE ENTERS).
Mrs Smith. Thank you for coming. Mrs Cowper. It's good to see you. This is the Minister for Industry. Mrs Cowper MD of Global Consolidated.

MINISTER It's good to see new investment. New factories. New jobs. Development is in everybody's interest. It's almost axiomatic, isn't it?

ERN SHAKES HANDS WITH EVERYBODY. PENNY IS PULLED ASIDE BY ROSE ANNE.

ROSE ANNE (ASIDE) Your worship you've got some explaining to do.

PENNY (ASIDE) Not now. This is an official function.

ROSE ANNE (ASIDE) Did you know this precious factory of yours isn't going to employ one single person?

PENNY (ASIDE) Of course it is.

ROSE ANNE (ASIDE) Not one. Ask your business mates. Go on. Ask them.

PENNY TAKES THE MICROPHONE.

PENNY It is my privilege to welcome the Minister for Industry, Ms Delia Smith, who is to lay the foundation stone of our new factory. But before I introduce her, a few words from the Managing Director of Global Consolidated, Ms Alice Cowper.

COWPER Thank you Madam Mayor. This factory is something of a revolution in factory design. The factory will be fully automated. There will be no workers. No cleaners. No production managers. Complete automation. But that's not the novelty. Automation has been with us for a while now and there are plenty of factories around the world that have no workers. No. The revolution here is in our total integrationof CAD/CAM technology into the factory. CAD/CAM, computer aided design and computer aided manufacturing have allowed us to make economic ever smaller and smaller production runs. This factory takes this process to it's logical conclusion. It will handle unitized batch quantities. I need hardly elucidate on the significance of this. Thank you.

ERN Yes, but what does the factory make?

ROSE ANNE Oh God.

PENNY There. You see? It's as plain as the nose on your face.

NAOMI I didn't understand a word of it.

PENNY And Now I call upon the Minister for Industry to officially commence this project.

MINISTER Thank you madam mayor, officers of Global Consolidated, and citizens. A new factory is axiomatically a good for the community. It is development. It is progress. It is the future. And if there aren't exactly a host of new jobs I'm sure the whole community will, somehow, benefit, in the long term, from the presence of this factory here. So it is with great pride, on behalf of the government I officially launch this project.

BETTY AND BARRY RUN OUT A BLUE RIBBON WHICH THE MINISTER DULY SEVERS.
GENTLE APPLAUSE.
THE MINISTER SHAKES EVERYBODY'S HAND THEN EXITS. THE GLOBAL CONSOLIDATED OFFICERS EXIT. THE CROWD DISPERSES. NAOMI GOES TO THE CHECKOUT. ERN, ROSE ANNE, PENNY AND MAY REMAIN.

ERN Well everything's alright then.

ROSE ANNE Wake up Ern.

PENNY That went smoothly, didn't it?

MAY So we're not going to loose our jobs.

PENNY Of course not. What ever made you think that?

CLOE BRINGS A TROLLEY WITH SOME ESSENTIALS IN IT TO THE CHECKOUT.

CLOE Hello Naomi.

ERN She didn't actually say what the factory does.

PENNY Of course she did.

CLOE Is it alright if I go through?

ROSE ANNE Wake up to yourselves. Don't you listen?

PENNY I foresee a rosy future for our little town.

NAOMI Sure.

ROSE ANNE Don't you see? A normal factory has to make millions of one item, otherwise it's uneconomic. This factory will make one item of millions of different things. You want a dishwasher the factory will make you one. Just one. You want a toothbrush the factory will make you one. Just one. Instead of having millions of factories making one thing each we've got one factory here that will make everything.

ERN I can see that. What's the difference?

PENNY Excuse me. Did you pay for that stuff Cloe?

ROSE ANNE It's a fundamental difference.

CLOE What's it to you?

ERN I still don't see...

PENNY Ern.

ROSE ANNE It's going to take your job. That's the difference.

CLOE Leave me alone. What are you picking on me for?

PENNY This creature is shop lifting.

ERN Cloe? Never.

ROSE ANNE Will you concentrate on the real issue here?

PENNY And what's more she's getting assistance.

NAOMI Don't look at me.

PENNY You let Cloe go through the checkout without charging her.

NAOMI What if I did?

PENNY Sack her Ern.

ERN What?

PENNY Sack her. She stole from you. From us.

ERN Now hang on...

PENNY It's the rule of economics. She stole from you. She deserves what she gets. Sack her. Sack her now.

copyright (c) 1995 & 2000
F.J. Willett
49 Metala Rd
Paralowie
South Australia
5108
ph 08 8281 2524