I like to compose limericks to celebrate my friends' birthdays, special occasions and other events. There is a grain of truth in most of what follows, otherwise they wouldn't be so amusing, but don't take them all too literally. Apologies to any friends who feel that they have been misrepresented.
The particular talent of Rory Is his gift for telling a story But the best are crude And frequently lewd And would never be on Jackanory The first time Hugh ran the quiz he worked himself into a tizzy. He stammered and dithered and repeated and blithered until the contestants were dizzy. There once was a girl called Kristina whose diet was making her meaner. She bit off Ed's head and ate it with bread but it's low-fat, so she ended up leaner. Now Adam likes to program in C So he got real upset when he Wrote brilliant code in brain-dead mode then lost it when he pressed the wrong key after a fair few drinks our krissy becomes a flirtatous missy she bear-hugged Phil (quite against his will) and chased Adam home, crying 'kiss, kissy' An accident happened to Hugh While messing aorund with some glue He lost all his beard Which looks pretty wierd But there was nothing else for him to do. Phil doesn't suffer fools gladly And he goes to work quite sadly He hates to watch the way people botch their shit-simple work so badly
We're beginning to think that Phil Is clearly over the hill. His Newcastle Brown he couldn't keep down And Phil doesn't stay full when he's ill. Now some women might get a thrill from being drooled over by hairy Phil But he hurled on Kate's feet and collapsed in a heap with his dignity lower than nil He looked like he'd been through the mill But Kate was all ready to kill. Phil was pissed as a newt and one kick from her boot would have seen us all reading his will. So we slipped her a sedative pill and sent him the dry cleaning bill to get out the stain. But if he does it again there'll be no more good will for poor Phil.
back to original fiction main page
back to my homepage