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Where, Oh Where, Is
My Soul Mate?

I doubt it would surprise you to know that one of the most consistent and profound questions I hear from clients in my metaphysical psychic practice has to do with romance. That was true 30 years ago and it will be true tomorrow.

"Is this person my soul mate," I am asked. "Will I ever find my soul mate in this lifetime?" The deep yearning each of us has to connect with the ideal partner is surely an important aspect of the human condition.

Clearly embedded in our psyche is the notion that there is ONE person on this planet that is truly meant for us. Our "one true love." If only we could discover that person, surely we could live together happily ever after and attain our innermost desires.

Probably NOT. At least not that effortlessly!

Romantic relationships are a primary classroom of life. We've been given custody of our life force for what we can LEARN. And almost universally, learning is NOT easy. It takes enormous spiritual growth to be able to come together with another human and LEARN happily ever after. It CAN be done and it is something each of us correctly aspires to do, but your own life experiences PROVE -- it does not spring from a chapter in a fairy tale novel!

Am I suggesting that we are wrong to seek that deeply satisfying connection with a beloved? I am not. But as growth-seeking adults, I am saying that we should learn the accurate PERSPECTIVE when it comes to romantic love.

The perspective is simple: We love in order to grow. Period.

Of course loving another is a Divinely Inspired Gift bountiful in its rewards and happiness. But ONLY if we understand the process in its proper perspective. When we don't understand or accept, things get terribly bollixed up.

Most who inquire about their "soul mate" are looking for a smooth, easy, conflict free relationship. A connection with that one person on the planet who magically creates within us total and complete fulfillment.

Someone who transports us into a coupling free of incompatibility, strive, struggle, turmoil and doubt. Our "other half" with whom we may enjoy the REWARDS of romantic connection without toil.

Does such a person exist for each of us? In my spiritual understanding, the answer is "YES, but."

As you probably guess, the "but" is the key. BUT WE NEVER ENCOUNTER SUCH A PERSON UNTIL we have EARNED it.

Until we have spiritually grown OURSELVES to the degree that the work left to be done in our lifetime is CONTRIBUTING TO OTHERS rather than working on ourselves. Then and ONLY then do we encounter this ever delightful romantic partner.

So you see, most of us are looking in the WRONG direction. We are busy looking OUTWARD for our "soul mate" when we really should be looking INWARD at what personal growth we have left to do!

In metaphysical thinking there are terms often used to describe the very special person we seek, soul mates, twin flames, twin souls, essence twins or spiritual twin.

Of those terms, metaphysical observation indicates there is a distinction between "soul mates" and the various "twin" terms.

Your "twin" is thought to have been created with the same soul essence as your own, at the beginning of time. You got half and your twin got half. Both of you have then been sent into various physical incarnations to learn and grow -- of course picking up individual (distinct from one another) karma from your choices along the way.

At some lifetime, it is thought that the two twins reunite in a romantic coupling and discover from one another their "mirror reflection." The experience of discovering your twin is as superlative as you can imagine. "Love at first sight" considerably understates the profound awareness and joy.

It is true that "twin flame" reunions create matings that are charmed with true unconditional love and significantly more bliss, but the fact that even twin relationships bring differing karma together, makes them challenging, too. Since the karma is not BETWEEN the twins, it is easier to deal with. To say these are "power couples" puts it mildly.

Twin flame relationships are extremely rare. In my observation I would say only 1% of the time or less!

Technically, soul mate relationships are different and much less "charmed." Sometimes I think the most challenging relationship anyone can have is with a soul mate. (We're talking romantic relationships but the soul mate connection can play out in many roles: parent/child, grandparent, sibling, even friend.)

You have lived many previous life-times with your soul mate. You feel familiar and comfortable with them. You have a great bond because you are working on a common mission together. There is high purpose and meaning in coupling with a soul mate but there is high challenge too. You may experience strong balancing karma as energies seek to "settle the score" from your previous lives together. Having been together many times, you have likely "settled" all the minor karma between you and are now working on the major issues. In my observation, I would say soul mate relationships seem to comprise about 30% to 40% of ALL relationships, romantic and otherwise.

At most that accounts for only 41% of romantic relationships, huh? What about the other 59%?

I would say most of the remaining relationships are "karmic connections", meaning people you've been with in one or more prior lifetimes. Perhaps you are together again to balance out some karma, have another attempt at learning a major lesson, accomplish things jointly or present myriad minor growth challenges to each other. Certainly you are together to learn from one another -- and it is rarely easy or altogether funn!

And on rare occasion, I think we connect with someone who is BRAND NEW to us. As if God gives us a clean slate, a breath of fresh air. Frankly such "virgin" relationships COULD be the easiest -- IF we make the right choices and create great karma together. I think we get that chance, maybe about 10% of the time.

That's a quick review of the spiritual underpinnings of romantic relationships. Just how these spiritual themes play out in your life in the "dating/mating game" is also fascinating and worth exploring another time.

Meanwhile, when you next pine for meeting your "soul mate," be careful what you wish for. And look around. S/he may well be right there -- under your KARMA!