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And she still is there somewhere within me..)
I am a fangirl born in the Stone Ages...which would be in the year 1980 *grin* I didn't start to watch Buffy immediately when it first aired in Finland, but from the very end of second season, Becoming 1-2, I was HOOKED!! And of COURSE that was the time MTV3 was sending Buffy to a nice looong vacation...and we didn't get to see miss Summers not until over a year after that. When Buffy came back with Season 3, I owe BIG thanks to my BRP (BuffyRecordingPerson), because of whom I didn't have to miss Buffy on when we didn't have SubTv at home yet!
From then on, Buffy was on the top of my favorite TV-programs. In general I like watching tv way too much. I have so many favorite shows it would take forever to list them all! Supernatural or other unexplainable things have always fascinated me, which shows like Bones, Charmed, Alias, Roswell, Sabrina the Teenage Witch (damn funny!) and many others offered.
I danced ballet for 11 years when I was younger (1987-1998). I had to stop dancing and other activities (like horseback riding of 10 years) because of knee injuries. I've gone through multiple surgeries on both of them and will go many more in the future. The years past have been filled with pain and with diagnoses like Chronic Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia etc. Chronic pain that will never go away, but with what I just have to learn to live with. My physical limitations don't allow me to do many things anymore, which of course hurts, as they used to be my escape window from reality. Many windows have now been broken, as the dark monster pain ripped so many things away. To name one, I can't write fanfiction or do graphic arts much anymore because of hand pains. That's a tough lesson I will never get over completely. But you learn to adapt, you learn to create and find new windows.
But back to the happy beginning of becoming a fan girl. I became more aware of my BtVS-fandom in spring 2002. Then I started writing my first Buffyfic, which was due to an unbelievable 3-night-dream-marathon. Summer 2002 brought me in touch with the cyberworld of Buffy. I found Finnish Buffypages. Valittu was the first finnish one I ever found. Then the others followed. I felt like being sucked in this whole other world. There was other fans in the net. There was life in the internet.
Fall 2002 my works were first published in internet. GOD it felt just..HUGE!! It all started from Dawnie's former page Täysikuu, where I sent some of my artworks and 2 Buffyfics. First I got enthusiasted on digital image manipulation in high school, where I did my poor first thingys with Microsoft Paint. Then somehow..I just got more and more interested in it. Studies after high school introduced me to a divine tool of a software, Photoshop. Then it became more serious. I become more challenged with my works. Summer 2002 made me try do FanArt for web. And there we were. Portals were opened and were no more to be closed. Creativity took over. I had seen light. :)
Even though the days of staying up all night making fanart are mostly over (I still do little things at times, like these banners for the new layout, but it takes more time and completely depends of my pains), my old works are still up here at the site as memories of those times.
Going further to fall 2002 introduced me the world of Buffynet even more. I started to recognize ppl in there. It was like we had this inner circle of ppl who came to net on regular bases to discuss about our Vampire Slayer. I have seen light once again. Never have I been a part of something like this.
The end of year 2002 was pretty apocalyptic. My dear, dear aunt died...leaving bunch of ppl greaving after. Helpless and miserable. It was one of the most difficult periods of time in my life. And yet...some things out of this world also got their start then. Looking back to the time now I realize the time passed between then and now has changed me. I now see life differently than I did before. I have deeper understanding to the world inside my head. I've become little closer to what I really am. Not even near being cookies, but cookie dough. On my way to there. Starting the journey. Journey to who I am.
Spring 2003 had me toying with an idea of bulding a page of my own. Raven had adopted all of my FanArt to Vaarna-Web long ago and it was on many other BtVS-pages too. Made me think of making some place of my own, too. Then, on April 2003, it happened. Frozen Roses first came online. I had yet discovered a whole another dimension. And it has special meaning too..as dedicating these pages to the memory of my aunt. (To read more, go to 'Why FR?') That time also Poisonous Quill saw the light of day. PQ changed its identity along the road and is today a wide collection of poems of some great authors. Year 2003 also brought something historical in here...the very 1st finnish fanmeeting: FinBuffy 2003!! Just one of the best experiences I've had in my life!!
The whole basic idea for these pages was the world of dreams. Ever since of spring 2002 I have seen BtVS-related dreams more or less on regular basis. And most of them including this one certain Angelic vampire. In dreamworld...he is mine. Alone. MWAHAH!! *maniacal laughter* It's like I have this whole other wonderful world, which I can dive right into when I close my eyes at night. Never knowing, whether it's in Paris, Caribbean Cruise...or whatever!!
Now when updating this, it's August 2008. Without my dreams I wouldn't be sane. I wouldn't be me. And the times when they have surround sound, are worth hunting for ;) The main basic idea of the pages remains, though people change and get older. Dreams are timeless.