As many of you may or may not know, school resumed at the best school in Walled Lake August 22. The students will return with eager faces and backpacks full of pencils, pens, and paper. Not a bomb in sight! Too bad I don't go to Central with all these happy kids. Western, on the other hand, started the same day. I, unfortunately, was there to pick up my masculine pink schedule and see classes I'd be attending for the next 179 days. My actual schedule can be seen below. My Senior Schedule* *Due to the fact that everyone on the internet is a potential stalker, I've removed anything that my reveal something about me. I apologize for the overabundance of the color pink on the schedule. Also, note the fact that a counselor wrote "Henry needs ass" in pen. Thanks a lot, counselor. As if I didn't already know. Speaking of Henry getting ass, this brings me to the first class I'll care to mention: AP Psychology Within the first couple of days we heard some statistics based on numbers. For example, we heard that 75% of women cheat on their husbands. This statistic is obviously crap. We all know this figure is much, much higher. If I were to say that in class I'd get my scrotum kicked into my upper trachea. The reason why is very simple. Because psychology is full of facts based on numbers, I will present this explanation with numbers as well. Guys in my class: 6 Girls in my class: 27 Percent of class with vagina 82% Days out of the month that women bleed: 4 to 5 Percent of month spent full of tampon: 6.67% Women bleeding every day: 1.8 I think after coming to that conclusion I should be afraid. Why should I fear a class full of women (nature's candy)? Because there will always be 1.8 women in that class trying to draw blood. Probably because their own blood is leaking out of the crevice between their legs. Whether the girls in that class want to stab my face with a ballpoint pen or not, the fact will remain that theoretically there will be 1.8 girls for every Henry. I'm not sure how that fight would work. I think one girl would attack me while the other girl's torso, right arm and left leg swing at me. And I don't like those odds. One thing I've learned in psychology is that numbers don't always provide straight data. For example, I know that there won't always be 1.8 women bleeding due to a phenomenon I've learned about while reading issues of Cosmo (or some other estrogen magazine) in various waiting rooms. This common occurence is known as Synchronized Female Menstruation, or SFM. SFM is what happens is when women are exposed to each other for long periods of time. After a given amount of time the girls all begin to share their cycle. They begin eating, peeing, menstruating and even vomiting up their lunch (Oh come on, we all know the popular girls are doing it) at the same time. When your hobbies include ripping hearts out and buying enough shoes for a third world country, trading used tampons seems normal. Now that it's been established that girls tend to bleed around the same time when they're around each other, I'm hypothesizing that these girls will all begin their period at the same time by the end of year. That means that instead of issuing 1.8 passes to the bathroom every day, my psychology teacher will find that for a couple of days every girl will be visiting the ladies room so they can gossip, fill their bras with paper towels, and yes, exchange tampons. Why would women go to the bathroom together and then trade tampons? Because they're sick, twisted fucks, that's why. They think it's a game. They haggle over the prices of some tampons, while others simply collect them all. Little kids do the same thing. Only for them, they're exchanging Pokemon cards instead of crimson-colored pieces of soggy cotton. Women not only have the mentality of children, but they have similar hobbies, too. And that is why women go to the bathroom in herds. Ok, so I didn't exactly tell you about AP Psychology that much, but who the hell cares? It's a class where you learn about the inner workings of the human mind. How boring! I told you why girls go to the bathroom in groups and made tasteless jokes about female hygiene products. There's still 5 more classes to mention where I'm sure I can find time to talk about other things that have nothing to do with that class. So go on to the next page or I'll feed your cat to the poor.