3/01
One day a boy named Joe was at school. For his homework he had to interview a family 
member. He decided to interview his mother. He came home and said "Mommy i have to 
interview you for school." She said okay and lets him proceed to ask her questions. 

The first question was how much do you weigh. The response was ladies don't tell 
their weight. He said "okay" and asked "how old are you?"
His mother said, "Ladies don't tell their age." 
She said, "You can ask me one more question." He said, "Mommy why did your marriage fail?" 
She replied, "That is none of your business, go interview some around the neighborhood. 
"I have to get some things done."

The next day.....
Joe comes home and says, " Mommy i got an A+ on my homework." 
She says "Really. Who did you interview?" 
Joe replies, "You." "Last night when you were sleeping, i went through your wallet
and got your driver's license. You are 42, 150 pounds, and the reason your marriage 
failed was because you got an F in sex." 

3/02
Pretty woman sweeming in a pool lost her slips. She tooked some table and hiding in 
front her goods ran into the hotel. People who saw her began to laught.
- There`s nothing to laught about!, she said.
But when she saw what was written on the table she realised.
 [ONLY FOR GROWN-UP DEPTH 2-5 METRES] 
 
3/03
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. 
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are 
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells
me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

3/04
- I have excellent memory, says one old man to another. I remember even how I sucked
the brest of my mother...
- Hey, that`s nothing, I remember one spring afternoon in the woods. I went with my
father and came back with my mam.

3/05
   A local charity office realized that it had never received a donation from 
the town's most successful lawyer.The director called him, hoping to get a contribution.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not 
a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after
 a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the director mumbled, "Um...no."
"Or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken director began to stammer out an apology but was interrupted.
 " . . . or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," 
the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated director said simply, "I had no idea . . ."
"So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

3/06
- When Antuan found out that his wife is cheeting him, he shot her!
- Oh, honey I`m so glad that I married you & not Antuan.

3/07
- And your husband go out for a evening health walking too?
- No, mine drinks at home.

3/08
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take
all his money with him.  He called his priest, his doctor
and his lawyer to his bedside.  "Here's $30,000 cash to be
held by each of you.  I trust you to put this in my coffin
when I die so I can take all my money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin.
Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke
into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000
into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a
new baptistery.

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the
doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we
needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you,"
he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my
envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check
for the full $30,000."

3/09
Madmans decided to organise a theatrical group. They found some play, read it
and are sitting and discussing it:
- Great, just great, wonderful play, the author is genius! Only that is kinda a 
lot of characters...
In that moment medical orderly entered the ward and yelled:
- Hey who stoled my telephone book?!

3/10
An older couple wake up in the morning and the husband 
looks over at the woman and says, " Wow! You wouldn't 
believe the dream I had..."

And the woman replied, "Yes, go on tell me."

So the husband told her.  "I had a dream that you left me
after 20 years of being married."

So the wife says, "Oh, it sounds more like a nightmare."

The husband says, "No, I am sure it was a dream."

3/11
The plane is crushing.
The stewardess: Please take your passports in you teeth.
A passenger: It will help us?
The stewardess: No, it will help identifying you.

3/12
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are
discussing the merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which
comes with the risk of being discovered.

The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead
to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too
many problems.

The computer scientist says, "It's the best thing
that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm
with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home
with my wife, and I can spend all night on the
computer!"

3/13
Drunk man in a metro put his had on neighbor-girl shoulder.
She: May be you`ll even lay on me?
He: Oh, oh, dream about it!

3/14
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: 
"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling 
articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the 
whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge 
replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's
assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

3/15
Two sharks met. One says to another:
- Yesterday I ate a diver, and even now I feel the taste of rubber!
- Fool! You must clean them first!