Fred's Life, as He Tells it!
His Ramblings about His Life, and Other Things, Like a Resume, and Maybe Some Things that Interest Him, like the Things you will Probably read about Right Now.
|Freds Lifestory and Interests | Freds Resume | Freds Work History|
Humans are by design a social creature. It's not hard to get us to talk; the hard part is getting us to shut up. I'm no exception. Here's my story for the world to read.
Fred's Lifestory, and Interests
He was born, he lives. He used to be a perfectionist, and a neat freak, but he gave that up years ago in leiu of the fact that he rediscovered his spiritual laziness. He is one with the clutter....Why clean? It only gets dirty again...
Hobbies include collecting the random bits of detrius that best represent man's daily life as he struggles upon this lonely rock. He also likes to "Tim Allen" everything he can get his hands on, like his restored large tin dinosaur.
Fred maintains this website when he can, of course, and has since added way too much to it. Kind of like the rest of his life! When he isn't working, or playing on the computer, or visiting friends, he's working at his seven hundred other hobbies not even listed here. He used to play his videogames a lot, but can't figure what box his Nintendo stuff is in. If someone would like to form an expedition to go in search of this box in the Wastelands of Fred's Basement, it would be greatly appreciated.
Speaking of Wastelands, Fred's musical tastes are totally stuck in the 80's, although there's some new stuff that appeals to him. He's been known to listen even to...dare I say it...county music! Kenny Chesney and Wierd Al Yancovich; throw in a techno cd, and we've got quite the eclectic cd changer. Fred also has a cat. The cat is half-siamese, and half...well, in my opinion, Dennis the Menace, but that's only because she's a troublemaker. And I'm extremely allergic to her....and yet, I have a cat. So much for allergies, and common sense. I just shave her. Believe me, there's nothing sadder-looking than a shaved cat.
Fred reads a lot, too.
Fred also writes. Used to do a pretty good love poem, but now mostly just short stories and articles for print, and internet. Still working on that great american novel, like everyone else.
And Fred travels when he can, usually to that great cesspool in his home-state. You can buy things there, get shot at there, etc. That's why I live far away from there. Oh, there's culture there, too, if you can find it. I tend to go to the bad sections of town, where I can get the best deals on merchandice :-) hehe.
There are those (depending on how you got here) who would be interested in my thoughts, feelings...perhaps even my emotional state at a given time. What can I say, except to look around you. This website, in so far as it can be, IS me...or at least a small window into that complex individual known as Fred. More than that, I cannot say...at least here.
For all you prospective employer-types, a short, semi-professional educational history: (yea, right)
Born. Attended highschool, and of COURSE graduated with honors. I still have that laughable bumper sticker. College#1, majored in Television Production and Engineering. (Who-hoo, I can write a script and fix a camera) College#2, majored in Communications (I guess so I could talk to the TV Producers from College#1...they have a language all their own). College#3, majored in Law Enforcement (the fools! I'll arrest those TV Producers now!). Numerous worthless bits of parchament; claiming I'm skilled at everything in the Encyclopedia from A/V and Computers, Cooking, apparently even Hazardous Waste Containment and Law-Enforcement. Yipe! Call me crazy, but are these skills possibly a deadly combination? What deadly Chemical will Fred Cook up, accidently blow up the Crime Lab with, so he can make a Movie about it? Let's face it, education's not all it's cracked up to be.... But I should at least get rich off of it. Somebody show me some money! Anybody? Hello?
If you'd like a copy of the 'official' resume, then Click here. It won't accomplish anything, but it might make you feel better :-)
My work history? Well, everyone should have a paper route sometime in their life. I left the papers, and worked at a local resturant all thru highschool. Probably explains my love for a large chunk of charred cow every now and again. Also explains why the hair is permanently singed off my hands and arms.
In a short span between Highschool and College, I worked a variety of odd-jobs, to get a "feel" for what I wanted to do in life. I worked in a print shop, a factory that made farm equipment, an auto-electronics firm. Amazingly, I still remember most of the things I learned in each of those professions. I'd tell you, but it's a secret :-) Too-bad all those jobs were outsourced. Onward to College!
Worked in a deli during most of my college years. I made a pretty awsome hoagie. Once in awhile, I even made one for the customers. Even today, I feel that making a sandwich is one of the most important things I've ever learned in my entire life :-) If I ever retire, I will want it to be part time in the deli. Hey, it beats eating cat food...
As part of my college education, I worked as a slave to Public Television. And don't even get me started about Barney. I also embarked to make cheesy videos about the life and times of me. These were roughly of the same quality of product as you would come to expect from a public television station. Well, maybe a little better. I mean aside from Masterpiece Theatre, that is.
Eventually, a College (of all places) was silly enough to hire me! Spent almost 4 years running Media Services, buying, installing, and repairing various pieces of high-tech equipment, and attending many, many worthless meetings. We were so underfunded, you could say, as my boss did, that we were more on the BLEEDING edge of technology...I never felt so much like Scotty from StarTrek in my entire life. "Cap'n, the downlink, she canna take much more o' this! If we donna switch to c-band, the whole thing's gonna blow itself apart!" Duct tape was my friend.
Then, I got the bright idea to work for a company that cleaned up Hazardous Waste for the Government and other private industries. Yay. A chemical plant blows up, in go the troops in their nuclear fallout suits. And nothing like a little sulfuric acid to get your day off to a start. How this related to anything I was interested in, I don't know. I never even had a chemistry class...hm, must have accidently forgotten that on my course schedule :-)
Now, I'm working for the Government. No joke. I'm just really overboard with serving the public trust, protecting the innocent, and upholding the law. Funny, I always wanted to do that when I grew up, but I thought I would actually have to grow up before that happened. Who'd have guessed? Personally, I can't believe they gave me a badge and a gun. What were they thinking?
Need to know more? Why? I've really said too much already. But thanks for reading this far. As a bonus, you get to read about my opinions on a few things. Feel free to click on this little comma here, and prepare to be offended. Otherwise, it's time for you to head on down that lonesome desert highway.
