Back in the hospital. Ho hum. Baby's doing better.
b@chiba.3jane.net said:
I had this plan to post some awful screed about how parenthood always turns the best writers of Usenet into Erma-Bombeckesque "something cute my baby threw up" hacks.
David Pacheco wrote:
CUTE THINGS MY BABY DID TODAY
1- Negotiated an agreement with the IRA to decommission their weapons in accordance with the Good Friday agreement.
2- Troubleshot a particularly vexing EIGRP problem I was having with one of my Cisco routers at home.
3- Using stealth techniques honed during years in the Mossad, managed to pee on his father three times today as said father was changing him, amazingly avoiding the drop cloth placed to avoid precisely such an event.
4- Using only a knitting needle, a Hallmark greeting card and yard of floss, successfully amputated the leg of a man who had been attacked and mauled by a shark.
5- Exorcised four devils and one minor demon from the cat.
6- Alternately spit up and pooped out things that were of colours completely unrelated to the foods going into him, which leads us to believe he's sneaking out in the middle of the night and going down to the fridge to eat mustard. A LOT of mustard.
7- Using himself as both an example AND a counter-example, managed to find common ground between the pro-choice factions and the pro-lifers, thus uniting the country over the most historically divisive issue to disjoint common opinion since George Washington got himself a new set of wooden teeth inscribed with the words "SUCK MY BUTT-GAS, ENGLISH!"
b@chiba: But David remains witty as ever,
david pacheco:...and shall remain so, as long as ARK mintains its ridiculously low standards.
b@chiba: and I found myself mostly just being concerned for him and his family. Jesus,
- david pacheco:Just switch the periiod and the comma up there, and you'll understand why my inferiority complex, my middle-child complex and my Messiah complex are intrinsically interlinked.
b@chiba: I must be getting old. Or all that MDMA I did in the 90s has crippled my cynicism.
david pacheco: Would it make you feel better if I told you that I'm making all of this up, that this child is as real as my imaginary hedgehog friend? Would it make you feel better if I told you I was subsidized by a major tobacco company AND a government accused of undermining democracy in seven third world countries? Would I rekindle your faith in unbridled cynicism if I told you that every post of mine that you read brings you inexorably closer to your own death, while at the same time destroyimg an acre of pristine Costa Rican rain forest and filling the coffers of several oil companies? Would it help if I told you that not only are my posts bigger gas-guzzlers than a Ford Expedition tied to the rack of a Toyota Sequoia while pulling a Dodge Kilimanjaro around on its rims, but I have also successfully lobbied Congress to allow me to kill a bald eagle with my bare hands in front of a handpicked group of Sierra Club members who will be forced to watch by special Presidential decree? Or that I bought the crucial Florida swing votes in last November's election using money I acquired from the lucrative and bloody puppy slave trade to African dictatorships, where sad-eyed beagles, fluffy shih-tzus and perky chihuahuas now toil nine miles underground in the illegal asbestos mines?
Hope this helps!
b@chiba: Either way, bad sign for me.
david pacheco:And for the Costa Rican economy!
b@chiba: Get some rest, let us know how you're doing, and for god's sake GET A MAC.
david pacheco:Well, the company is about to buy me a SHINY! NEW! LAPTOP! and I have successfully overcome their stupid requirements for "standards", so I'm accepting suggestions on what to get. If a Mac will open Visio files natively with NO INTEROPERABILITY PROBLEMS EVER EVER EVER, then I'll get me one a dem. Please avoid use of the word "emulation" in your answer, as a gory stabbing often offends the recipient.
Ta!
- david pacheco
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