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AIDS will always
be part of our children's lives. Thousands of young people have already
been infected through unsafe drug and sexual activities. Thousands of
others have been born with the virus. And thousands more are faced with
the illness of people they love and care about.
AIDS challenges
us to make survivors of our children. We must prepare them for happy,
healthy, and fulfilling lives despite the specter of this epidemic. We
must teach them how to protect themselves. We must cherish those who
become ill. And we must help them all learn to cope with the losses they
will experience.
Knowledge and
self-confidence are our kids' best protection against AIDS. We can teach
them to protect themselves, understand and assist those who live with the
disease, and put AIDS into its real perspective in their lives.
Children are
eager to learn. We only have to take advantage of their eagerness.
WHAT
ARE THE RISKS?
We are all sexual
— from the day we are born to the day we die.
But it is
difficult for many of us to accept that our children are sexual. It may be
even harder to think they might use drugs. But no matter how hard it is,
it's up to us to make sure that our children do not make decisions about
sex and drugs out of ignorance or fear.
Kids under 20 are
at very high risk of getting HIV:
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Teenage women
and men have the fastest increasing rates of HIV infection in the U.S.
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Seventy-two
percent of U.S. teens have vaginal intercourse before they graduate
from high school.
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More than 10
percent do not graduate, and those who drop out have increased rates
of drug use.
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Women and men
between 15 and 25 have the highest rates of sexually transmitted
infections in the U.S.
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Kids have a
strong sense of adventure, but lack the life experience to fully
understand their risks — especially when it comes to sex and drugs.
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Kids are very
sensitive to peer pressure.
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AIDS can be
caused by only one exposure to HIV. |
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Gay teens are at
increased risk. They are likely to forego health care and social services
because they fear ridicule and humiliation. Very often they are unable to
turn to their families for information and support about their sexual
concerns. That is why lesbian and gay teens are more likely than straight
kids to live on the street, attempt suicide, and involve themselves in
other high-risk behaviors.
Remembering our
own teen needs, inhibitions, and fears about sex may make us more
compassionate and understanding.
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What were the
risks we took?
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How did our
own inhibitions set us up for risky behavior?
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How often did
we take chances rather than face discussing sex with our sex partners? |
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Remembering our
own childhood and adolescence can help us help our children deal with
theirs.
GIVE
KIDS THE GIFT OF SELF-PROTECTION
Gift #1.
GOOD ROLE MODELS
Our children learn most from our example. Our behavior molds their ideas
and feelings about how people get along with one another. They imitate
what we are, not what we want to be. That's why telling children to
"Do as I say, not as I do," fails to do the trick.
Gift #2.
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Children who are self-confident are more likely to make healthy decisions.
Self-confidence helps them overcome peer pressure, say no to too-early and
unsafe sex, and avoid sexual and drug abuse. Praise is the best way teach
to self-confidence. We should praise honesty, independence, talent,
effort, fair play, taking responsibility, kindness, and good
decision-making. We undermine our children's self-confidence when we
ridicule, humiliate, shame, or bully them.
Gift #3.
POSITIVE FEELINGS ABOUT SEX
We must expect our kids to take pleasure in their bodies. People who have
positive feelings about their bodies, sex, and masturbation are more
likely to be able to protect themselves against sexually transmitted
infections, unintended pregnancy, and sexual abuse.
Gift #4.
SOUND DECISION-MAKING SKILLS
We must encourage children to make choices and decisions from their
earliest years. Offering options instead of giving orders lets them become
good decision-makers. Practice with small decisions prepares kids for
making bigger ones.
Gift #5.
TRUST
We must always be there for them — keeping the lines of communication
open — no matter what errors in judgment they make. They must know that
we will be patient and reasonable, no matter what trouble or concern they
bring us. We must be able to listen to whatever they say without
"flying off the handle."
Gift #6.
FEELING NORMAL
What kids want most is to know that they're "normal." We can
help them understand that it is "normal" for everyone to be
different. In fact, the most important lesson we can share with our kids
is just that — Being different is normal.
In addition to Good
Role Models, Self-Confidence, Sound Decision-Making Skills, Trust, and
Feeling Normal, kids need Knowledge and Information
to protect themselves against AIDS.
TEN
BASIC FACTS KIDS NEED TO KNOW
1. AIDS is the
last stage of HIV disease.
AIDS is the acquired immune deficiency syndrome.
HIV is the human immunodeficiency virus.
2. Currently,
HIV disease is ultimately fatal.
3. There is no
cure.
4. There are
only a few ways to get HIV.
There must be an
exchange of blood, semen, or vaginal secretions. The most likely ways are
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having
unprotected sexual intercourse
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sharing
needles and other drug equipment
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being born
with it |
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HIV can also be
passed to an infant through breast milk.
5. Most people
with HIV don't know they have it.
It can take more than 10 years before symptoms develop. Most people with
HIV pass the virus to someone else without knowing it.
6. You can't
get HIV by casual contact.
There is not enough exchange of blood, semen, or vaginal secretions in
casual contact — hugging, kissing, touching, swimming; or by sharing
sandwiches, eating utensils, swimming pools, showers, towels, and gym
equipment — to cause HIV infection.
7. The surest
way to avoid HIV is not to use IV drugs or have anal, vaginal, and oral
sex.
8. Practicing
"safer sex" reduces risk for sexually active people.
9. Satisfying
sex lives are possible in the age of AIDS.
10. Getting
HIV from a blood transfusion or medical procedure is very unlikely.
Donated blood has been screened for HIV antibodies since 1985 when the
first test was developed. The chance of getting HIV from other procedures
is less than one in 10 million.
PRE-TEENS
Eight to Twelve
Children become very interested in issues of sexuality as they enter
puberty. They need all the facts about menstruation, wet dreams, and
other signs of maturing.
Pre-teens worry a lot about whether they are "normal." Boys
worry about their penis size. Girls worry about their breast size. We must
reassure our children that no two people are the same — that it is
normal to be different.
We need to let pre-teens "fit in" with their peers. But we
must encourage them to think for themselves and not get carried away by
the crowd.
During puberty, kids are often very shy with us about what's going on
with them. They prefer talking with friends. We have to be sure that
peers aren't their only source for information about sex and drugs. Never
hesitate to open a conversation about sexuality and health with pre-teens.
We can take the opportunity while watching television, talking about the
news, or when we hear our kids and their friends talking together.
Children at this age need a lot of explicit information. They need to
know the details about what AIDS is, the details about how
people get it, and the details about how to avoid it.
They need to know about safer sex, homosexuality, and oral and anal
sex. They need to know that alcohol and other drug use weakens their
ability to make good judgments. And they need to understand that sharing
IV drug equipment is an almost foolproof way to get HIV.
Once we get discussion going, we need to be prepared for questions like
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"How many sex partners did you have in your life?"
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""What kind of birth control did you use?"
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""Do you masturbate?"
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""If you don't have AIDS, why do you use condoms?" |
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We can ask to have our privacy respected, but when we do decide to
answer, "honesty is the best policy" — with our kids and with
ourselves.
TEENS
Teenagers are naturally adventurous. But they don't have enough
life experience to help them gauge their risks by themselves. They may
also think that disease and death are only problems for older people. But
it is also true that teens can be motivated to take good care of
themselves and one another. We have seen how hard they can work to help
support their families, get into college, or save up for a special gift.
These efforts demonstrate real ability to prepare for the future and take
care of themselves.
Teenagers get a lot of bad press. But for every teenager who only seems
interested in immediate gratification, there are many who are motivated by
high ideals, generosity, and long-range goals. If we take advantage of our
teens' capacity for idealism and generosity, we will more likely succeed
in helping them learn self-protection. The more positive our approach, the
better.
Teenagers must be helped to understand the TEN BASIC FACTS KIDS NEED
TO KNOW. But most of all they will need to know about safer sex.
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