Music has played a tremendous role in my life. When I was younger, my parents always played music. I remember hearing everything from Stevie Ray Vaughn (Dad's music) to Cyndi Lauper (Mom's music) being played throughout a lot my childhood. I remember how my parents would tape songs off the radio, and record on tape from records. I remember there were always a lot of tapes and records around the house. On long drives my parents would play country tapes, and on Christmas, Boney M. In fact, it's my mom's tradition at Christmas time to play her old Boney M records and tapes.

   I didn't start to really care for music until I was 12/13. Pop music was just getting big at that time, and I never really got into it. My sister and I would stay up late and watch muchmusic waiting for them to play something we liked. Sometimes we were up until 5 am and getting yelled at by our parents, and we were convinced that as soon as we were told to go to bed and the TV was shut off, that they played the videos we wanted. The first band my sister and I really loved was 54 40; they remain to be one of our favourites today.

   I went on to love such bands as The Wallflowers and the Gin Blossoms, and soon after my money would rather be spent on cds than on clothes or make up. I listened to the radio a lot, with a pen and paper in hand to write down anything that sounded good. My best friend at the time was in love with the backstreet boys; it was such a contrast! We always fought over what cd would be played and ultimately, at that time, due to popularity amongst our other friends, she always won.

   I was "severely depressed" at that time in my life, and music was always there. I tried my very best to cope through music and sometimes succeeded. I focused on every cd I owned, I examined the artwork, I read every lyrics and every liner note. I was in love with music in a very obvious way.

   After that, I spent a lot of time wandering around in music stores, making mixed tapes, and reading books about music. One day, while at the library, I came across Jeff Buckley's Sketches for My Sweetheart, The Drunk after it had come out earlier in the month. I recognized his picture on the cover from somewhere. Admittingly, I thought he was cute; however, I then remembered where I had recognized his picture. I remembered hearing about his death while watching a music news program on TV. I didn't think much of it; I signed Sketches out from the library and listened to it with an open mind. I fell in love immediately! After that I decided I had to own everything he put out.

   During this time, I would check a lot of music out from the library and copy it on tape. I also read tons of books on music. My favourite to this day is Please Kill Me: An Unauthorized Oral History of Punk. I read it front to back many times, and had constantly checked it out from the library.

   As I write this, randomly, I think, "Wow! Was I ever weird!" but in a good way, because it got me through such a hard time in my life. Adolescence. I never think of my adolescence as being a time in my life where I had experimented with alcohol and drugs or whatever (which I had), I always thought about it as being a struggle, which was made easier through my interest in music.

   It wasn't so much the listening and the reading, as it was the dreaming. Every kid wants to be a rock star at one point in their lives. I wrote as if I was one, in the journals I kept. I pretended to write to people such as Janis Joplin and Patti Smith ("my best friends," as I called them in those journals). I talked about stories I read in books about musicians as if I was there, a background character in a complex story that changed my life in the most meaningful, yet unbeknownst way.