A young boy went up to his father and asked, "what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father pondered for a while, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Also, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you have learned."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied "Of course I would.  I wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that."  

The boy then went to his sister and said. "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?  "The girl replied. "Oh gosh!! I would just love to do that! I would be nuts to pass up that opportunity!!".

The boy then thought about it for two or three days and went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potential and realistic?" 

The boy replied, "Yes, potentially we're sitting on two million dollars, but realistically we're living with two sluts."  The father replied, "That's my boy!"

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Three badly deformed hunchbacks are walking along the road, cackling insanely at the thought of their outstanding ugliness. Everyone runs away in terror when the unpleasant trio appears, increasing their inverted pride. Unfortunately, the three fall to blows after arguing over who is the ugliest in their band. At once a beautiful pixie appears, and points to a covered booth at the end of the road. "This tent", she explains, "contains an enchanted mirror which will answer all your questions. Simply step inside one at a time and your dispute will be at an end". She disappears.

The hunchbacks look at one another dumbly, and then agree to ask which of them is the ugliest. The first enters the tent, and then comes out looking deflated. The second steps inside, and also comes out looking deflated. They stare enviously at the third hunchback, who is indeed amazingly ugly. He grins, and then says: "Now to find out whether I'm the ugliest of all". He steps inside cheerfully, only to emerge seconds later, utterly depressed. They crowd around him inquisitively. He rounds on them, angrily: "Who the fuck is Arsene Wenger??"

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A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain in a small town.  He's going through his usual run of off-colour and "dumb blonde" jokes, when a well-presented blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and shouts: "I've heard just about enough of your stupid blonde jokes, DICKHEAD!! 

What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What connection can a person's hair colour possibly have with their fundamental worth as a human being? It is morons like you that prevent women like myself from being respected at work and in our communities and from reaching our full potential ....because you and your anachronistic kind continue to perpetuate negative images against not only blondes, but women in general, for the sake of cheap laughs. You are a pathetic relic of the past, and what you do is not only contrary to Discrimination laws in every civilised country, it is deeply offensive to people with modern sensibilities and basic respect for their fellow citizens. You should hang your head in shame, you pusillanimous little maggot."  

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologise, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this Mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

Material on the "Offside" webpages have all been created by other sources, with most of the material having been forwarded to me.  I have named the author when known.  Please let me know if you have created any of the above material and want it removed.