A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said 'Kevin'.

'Right', he said, 'what about that blond one over there?' 'Kevin', she said. 'Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?' 'Kevin', she said. 'Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?' 'Kevin', she said.

'Are all your boys called Kevin?' he asked, 'isn't that terribly complicated?' 'Not at all', she said, 'it makes everything very easy, actually.  When I shout: Kevin, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Kevin, it's time for bed!, they all go to bed.'

'I see. But what if you want only one of them?' 'No problem.' she answers. 'Then I call them by their surnames'.

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Three male mice are sitting at a bar with three shots of tequila arguing about how tough they are. The first mouse says, "I'm so tough I break into the cupboard just to eat the rat poison." He slams down his tequila and looks at the second mouse.

The second mouse replies, "That's nothing. I'm so tough I run through a mouse trap, grab the cheese, flip onto my back & benchpress the killer springed trapwire." He slams down his tequila and looks at the third mouse.

The third mouse slams down his tequila, slides off his stool and begins walking away from the bar. The other mice scream, "Hey, Softy, where do you think you're going?!!"

The third mouse replies, "Home to shag the cat."

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are discussing their relative performance in bed.  The Italian says - "When I've a finsheda makina da love with my girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floatsa da 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy".

The Frenchman replies - "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished making ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy".  

The Aussie says - "That's nothing, when I've finished shaggin my Sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my d..k clean on the curtains. She hits the f...ing roof !!!".

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The following is a transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval vessel with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE USS MISSOURI, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE U.S. NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!!

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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