A scouser is sitting in a pub having a pint when a queer looking bloke comes in and sits beside him. After a few admiring glances the gay fellow leans over and whispers in the scousers ear "would you like a blow job" The scouser goes berserk, beats the fellow unconcious and throws him through the pub window. Several blokes jump on the scouser and finally get him calmed down, one of them then aks him "what the hell did he say to make you get so upset"?

The scouser says "dunno...didn't hear it all, but it was something about a job"

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A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK, old fart, time to retire."

The old rooster replies,"come on, you can't handle ALL these chickens. Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"  The young rooster says, "Beat it! You're washed up and I'm taking over." The old rooster says "I'll tell you what, young stud, I'll race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."

The young rooster laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start. The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. He grabs up his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits.  

The farmer sadly shakes his head, "Damn,...third gay rooster I bought this month."

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A man comes out of a shopping mall to find that the side of his parked car is rammed in. Seeing a note under the windshield he read it:

"As I'm writing this, about a dozen people are watching me. They think I'm giving you my name, phone number, and insurance company. But I'm not!"

Material on the "Offside" webpages have all been created by other sources, with most of the material having been forwarded to me.  I have named the author when known.  Please let me know if you have created any of the above material and want it removed.