A fire station man came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire house.

Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks. 

So from now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed.  When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night.

The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1" and his wife took off her clothes. He then yelled, "Bell 2" and the wife jumped into bed. Then he yelled, "Bell 3" and they began to make love. 

After two minutes, his wife yelled, "Bell 4!" The husband asked, "What is this Bell 4????"

The wife replied, "More Hose - More hose!!! You're nowhere near the fire!!!!"

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A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.

They never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink terribly."

"Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up sense of smell we'll work on your hearing."

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CHRISTMAS ANGEL

One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip . but there were problems everywhere.  Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs Clause told him that her mother was coming to visit.  This stressed Santa even more.

Then when he went to harness the reindeer, he found three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.  More stress.  Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went back into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whisky.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had hid the liquor and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffee-pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.  Just then, the doorbell rang and Santa cussed his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?" 

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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