i noticed i'm way too at ease w/my grades and stuff. i don't even really worry or stress about grades the way i feel i should. seriously. i mean...i'm doing horribly in all my classes. and i feel horrible cuz my daddy always tells me to "keep up the good work," when there's no good work to keep up. all my work is crap. all i do is crap. not that all i do is go to the bathroom & u kno, but....u know what i mean.

i should be more concerned with my grades. i know. if i don't keep a certain GPA, i'll lose good-student discount w/my car insurance company...and i'll lose my grants. geez. life sucks. i mean...don't get me wrong. i'm so thankful for my life. i'm thankful for my family, friends, opportunities. but...there are just some things in my life that make me soooooooooooooooooo annoyed...that i don't wanna do n/e thing. take my job, for one thing. i'm sorry, but i don't think i can take too much more of it. i wanna look for another job, but i hafta stay at my current one for the money. i know i can't find a job that'll pay as well. so until next semester, i hafta save money.

i'm sick of my life. if i could do one thing to make it to make my life worth living...it would be to quit my job. but if i quit my job, then i can't afford to do the things i enjoy doing. so then...it's a lose-lose situation, isn't it? o geez.

but then again, i love my life. i love having so much family, friends...all these ppl that care about me...that i care about. i love spending the weekends w/friends cuz that's what gets me thru the week--looking forward to the weekend. and i'm so blessed.

but like i said...i'm not concerned enough to actually try hard in my classes. i do study, to some extent, but not nearly as much as i know i should. i just don't have the motivation.

i feel gyped cuz i didn't really get the "freshman experience" last year. i barely had time for play...cuz i went to school during the week..then came home to tutor my lil cousins. i worked fridays and saturdays. sundays, i went to church, then barely had enough time to maybe have dinner w/friends or family. and that was it. my moments of fun had to fit within a time span of 5 hours a week. well...except for the couple hours a week i would spend w/steve nguyen...to go to the mall & dress him up.

i should be doing my math hw that's due at 7:30 tonight. i did some of it...but not much of it. i didn't get a lot of it, and i guess i could go to the tutoring session thingy to get help, but quite frankly, i'd rather eat dinner. iono..i'm still debating. i'm sitting the computer lab @ computer number 69--yes, 69. talking to a couple ppl randomly thru IM. i want food.

i hate that i can't call in sick for work. i work w/my eemo, so she doesn't really let me call in sick. she wants me to make a good impression on the president of the company, so she makes me come in every freakin day. and i can't make up lame excuses w/her cuz she's my eemo. i hafta tell the truth. grrr. it sux.

i hate that i can't stay out later than midnight. my uncle has given me a curfew of midnight. but if i'm later than 10 pm (or 9, i'm not sure...i usually call him around 9 or 10), i hafta call and let him know. i'm 19. and all my friends tease me about my curfew...and i'm not allowed to sleep over n/e where except possibly family members' houses. i mean...i respect him though. he lets me stay at his house, rent-free...i can eat the food there, if i want. and he's my dad's lil bro, so his responsibility for me is...kinda...uhh...iono. complicated. but that doesn't mean i like having a curfew...or not being able to sleep over at friends' places...

there's so much more i wanna complain about...but really...i don't like complaining too much. cuz ppl piss me off when they do that. errr...i wanna go to sleep. i even brought a pillow from my car, just in case. but i'm too lazy to sleep. does that make sense? iono. errr....

i just wanna SCREAM~~!!!