December 1999

*Dec 02, 1999*

What a busy week. Haven't been near my computer for days! (AHHHHH ...withdrawal!!!!)

And yet here I am again..with the weekend coming and more things to do than there are hours to do them in as usual.

Good friend of mine is getting me an upgrade for my hard drive! YAY! No more itty-bitty thing for me.....now if I could just con him out of a scanner..... >evil grin<<

*Dec 5, 1999*

Took our children to see The Pokemon Movie this weekend...ARRRRRRGH.... the actual movie wasn't TOO bad if you like Anime but the half hour piece at the beginning was almost worse than Pink Floyd's The Wall. Still the kids loved it and had a good time and I guess that's what really matters. Am hoping to take them to see Toy Story 2 next time however......

Xmas approaches fast. What should be a warm friendly time of year for my family is marked with sorrow. My son will be attending a residential home starting in January in an effort to calm his aggressive tendancies. Xmas marks the last week before he leaves, after that he will only be home on weekends and holidays for quite awhile. Still I have hopes that this will indeed help him focus and deal with his anger in positive ways.

As of late a few friends of mine have been receiving good news after long drawn out battles. It makes me wonder if I will join them in the new year and win my own. (Although I can't speak of the particulars here I have been involved in a court case for almost three years now...)Could this really be the year of changes for me? I guess only time will tell. I sure hope so.

The New Millenium...actually it starts Dec 31, 2000. I could forgive that little error but this whole bit about the Y2K bug really annoys me. What kind of moron could claim that they didn't see this problem coming twenty years ago?! They wait til the last minute...panic the public....make more money by selling off the solutions and services that follow...and people ACCEPT this. Are we really supposed to believe they simply forgot the year would change eventually and MIGHT cause a problem or is this a sign of the world's best long term money scam on computer users?! I mean really, did you honestly expect anyone to actually believe the banks would allow themselves to lose all your records? They report incomes of billions of dollars and we're supposed to believe they were going to lose the accounts of those who still OWE them?! I think not people. NOBODY GETS THAT LUCKY.

And having said (or is that ranted) that...I leave you to consider it....

*Dec 06, 1999*

Lord tell me why one's neighbour must decide to play the stereo, full blast, just when you are about to get the only hour of sleep you have had in two days?!!! Twice today after a sleepless night I lay down to get some sleep...nice quiet home ... soft lights from the Xmas tree..... The >BLAMOWHAMO

*Dec 08, 1999*

What an incredibly hard day. . . And it has barely begun. Lack of sleep combined with current stress levels have left me feeling weak , whipped and beaten. Listening to your child become so mad at you that she says she hates you and wants to live with someone else is a hard thing to endure. Although I know a lot of children go through this and use this to try and guilt trip parents, it is especially difficult to hear.

I have always said that raising children isn't like any other responsibility in the world becasue there are no handbooks, only guidelines and each and every child is different. What works for one won't for another and it's a constant game of trial and error that you HOPE you won't mess up too badly. It is both the hardest and most rewarding job in the world. And probably the most stressful when all is said and done. The hardest part is that once you take up the job it's yours for life... 24/7. Even when you get a babysitter to go out or have a break, you can never stop being a parent. There is no punch-clock to signify the end of your day, no holidays without worrying and no such thing as calling in sick either.

More and more I see children raising children and am frightened for them. Can these kids really know what's in store for them? Do they really know how much self-sacrifice is involved ? Why is it that in this age of information that these kids aren't using protection and /or abstaining even just a few years longer? Just why is it so cool to be a parent under twenty years old? MOST of these kids could barely look after themselves before becoming parents. It's sad to think that what should be life's greatest miracle is becoming a status symbol instead.

 

*Dec 15, 1999*

Between my new placement and a sore foot I have had a rather busy time of things....preparing for the upcoming holidays has not helped any.....

I now understand my parent's reactions to Xmas when I was a child. I remember puzzling over why they didn't seem as enthused as I did every year nor did I understand why my Mom always looked like she'd been hit by a truck on Xmas morning. I now have complete and full comprehension of the events that occur in a parent's life which inevitably cause these peculiar reactions to major holidays. Oh to be a wonderstruck child again at the cornucopia of delights laid out before me, brightly decorated and gleaming in the soft lights of the tree. Still, there is the compensation of watching my children's faces as they experience the wonders as once I did and I understand why parents put themselves through personal hell over it. There is very little that compares to the bright eyed glee to be seen in a child's eyes when Santa leaves his treasures under the tree.

There is of course one other compensation to be had by the resourceful parent during this time of stress and shopping madness...... one that can give you the strength to survive even the most horrendous event of last minute shopping....

TWISTED XMAS CAROLS.

My Salvation......

Twisted Tunes

 

*Dec 28, 1999*

Well we survived yet another Xmas nightmare. Why nightmare? My parents are divorced...my Ex's Family are divorced and also stop by for the kids and then there's friends (Boyfriend's parents live far away and aren't a problem). Xmas is a scheduling nightmare!!! Still I'm happy to say that the kids got almost everything they asked for this year..I'm not sure how it happened....but it did. Since that was all I wanted for Xmas I guess I got my wish too.

It's official...all three kids are now officially diagnosed with Attentional Deficit. Oh Joy. Mind you the Boyfriends son looks like a promising case for a non medicated solution which is good news.

We spent a wonderfully peaceful Xmas at my Mother's this year. First time in over a decade!!! We will be returning for New Year's as this is a special year. No, it has nothing to do with Y2K or the mistaken belief that the new millenium begins either. My son will be going to a home for a few months and leaves on January 4th, 2000. This will be a last chance for quite awhile for all of us to sit down together. We remain hopeful that this will indeed teach him to manage his anger and learn how to deal with his problem and it is a last ditch effort. He is a wonderful kid and has had to survive innumerable hardships and changes since birth. This may be the last huge hurdle for awhile and I pray every day that he will make this one with as much determination and success as he has in the past.

I used to daydream about where I would be and what I would be doing when the year rolled to 2000. My life now doesn't even come close to what I imagined it would be. The changeover for this reason is special to me. I have been thinking about all the things I have witnessed in my lifetime and all the adjustments I've made and now take for granted. I think the biggest one for me has to be the computer industry. I watched ithe birth of the home computer take place. Even in the last year I have adjusted again by going online for the first time to creating websites....what a long way to go in a year. It does make one stop and wonder what's in store doesn't it?

*Dec 29,1999*

A long sleepless night....am tired and disoriented. This however is not exactly news.

My thoughts have been rather focussed on a new section I have been working on lately for The Haven. It's a rather long and involved project and I have it approxamately half planned out. The construction begins. I don't want to give away too many details at the moment so as not to ruin the surprise.

I am currently bothered by a certain chain of events during which I received some nasty email. Although it has taken me much longer than it should have to figure out exactly what happened I find myself now dwelling in the deep, dark ranks of regret and insecurity. Not unfamiliar territory to be sure but most certainly an unwelcome development. I have unwittingly frightened someone who came to me with questions and I know not how to pay restitution for it. Seems strange coming from someone who created a website such as this doesn't it?

I originally created this website to deal with my negative influences in a more constructive manner and have tried to incorporate a sense of humour (albeit a dark one) into it's exisitence.

*Dec 31, 1999*

The last day of 1999. I have been really out of sorts lately. Might be due to the fact I haven't been sleeping well...could be the weather...who knows.

Wish I had something interesting to say on this day but it would be more whining and complaining...which I hate doing in a public journal so instead....I will send my hopes that the year 2000 will hold many wonders for all of us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!