For those of you who have played VAMPIRE and know what a Malkavian is, you will enjoy these. A friend of mine found these for me somewhere on the net a couple of years ago. I don't remember where they came from or to whom the credit goes but they're posted here for all to enjoy. If you know where they came from, or who the authors are, please forward so that I may give proper credit. In the meantime, ENJOY!
A Dialogue
The Players
Caine, a.k.a. Daddy Wizard of Warbucks
(missing portion here)
MALKAV: And that's why you have to kill us all.
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: Fine, then. Start with me.
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: You don't understand. Things will be different than they are now. If you kill us now, you'll be preventing something more horrible than you can imagine.
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: They'll put 'e's on the end of everything. They'll capitalize All The Wordes. They'll adopt neo-european names. They'll only wear black. They'll get pallid and emaciated. They'll mope. They won't be any fun at all. Believe me.
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: You say I'm crazy now, but just wait. Just wait until the TorridWhores change their name to something else, something they aren't. Just wait until the BentTruth look down at you. Just wait, wait, wait until it's too late and you won't be able to find them all. No way, Dad. That's crazy. Kill us all now and get rid of us.
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: Fine. Then I will. I and my kids. Us. We'll do it. We'll kill them all. We'll bide our time. We'll develop a disguise, we'll convince them all that we're crazy, waiting and waiting until the time comes and then when everyone is looking the other way, at each other, or at some fiction like the Antedeluvians, or you, then we'll strike and nobody will ever know what hit them, the BASTARDS. So do you kill them? Or do we?
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: You don't have a choice. You aren't real. You're a tape recording. Do you believe me?
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: That's OK. I'm not Malkav either. I'm not anyone. I'm crazy. What do you say to that? Do you think I can handle it?
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV: If you say so. Dad, can I have the keys to the car?
CAINE: No, I refuse. Go away. You are crazy.
MALKAV:Suit yourself. Bye.
CAINE: That idiot is going to get hinself killed one of these days. Tape recording indeed.
The sacred (or scared) writings of the Malkavians
1 And it came to pass that in 1958 in Rio de Janeiro a cargo ship docked in the night.
2 And it was in the cargo hold a steamer trunk did lay.
3 And it did open and disgorge three Malkavians, as Groucho's trunk did in " A Night at the Opera ".
4 And so they will be called Chico, Harpo and Alan.
5 And Chico did tell a dockworker to come with them, as they were hungry. (And the dockworker he did come)
6 And Harpo did steal some bicycles from the street. (And yea, the bicycles did have large bells on the handlebars)
7 And Alan did toss a grenade into the engine of the cargo ship. (And there was many divers alarmus)
8 And they did ride through the streets of Rio like the parking attendants from " Ferris Beuller's Day Off " (Excepting that they had more bells and very little John Williams music)
9 And yea, they did stop at a nightclub.
10 And yea, the Prince of Rio did summon them with many thugs who looked like Jimmy Cagney.
11 And they did visit the Prince, who looked like the Mexican guy in " Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid ". (And the Prince did not wear plaid. AMEN.)
12 And the Prince did say " What brings you loonies to my city? ".
13 And Alan did say " Where are my pyjamas? ".
14 And Chico did say " A race. ".
15 And Harpo did say " A bicycle DING-DING!! ".
16 And the Prince did say " A race? " (For the Prince was old and wily and knew that Alan was wearing his pyjamas and that bicycles cannot cross the ocean. Listen well to the wisdom of the other clans.)
17 And Chico did tell the story of the Great Race.
18
In 1814 we took a little trip
The Colonel told us London was the place to be
So long city life
London was fun
But we were there for a reason
The reason for the season
Was a race
The Great Race
Organized by a Tortillador
There was a race
With a Grand Prize
A large herd
A small Princedom
But most importantly
A cubic zirconium necklace worth well over five dollars
The race was a trip around the world
And three from each clan were chosen
From the Tremulous, Larry, Moe and Curly
From the Ventricle, Hitler, Hirohito and Mussolini
From the Gangbangrel, Kerouac, Burroughs and Ginsberg
From the Brujahaha, ABC, CBS and NBC
From the Notforyoutojudge, the Father, the Sun and the Holy Simolean
And from the Tortillador, Pancho, Cisco and the Lone Ranger
And we, we were sent from the Malfabrications!
19 And the Prince did shake his head and say " This was in 1814? ".
20 " Aye. " Chico did say " Aye think therefore the eyes have it. ".
21 The Prince did say " But is not the race over then? ".
22 And Harpo said " Jesus, look at the time. ".
23 And Chico said " Jesus isn't here. ".
24 And Alan said " You're right. ".
25 And Chico said " We gotta find him. ".
26 And Harpo said " He isn't here. ".
27 And Alan said " We can't be here right now. ".
28 And Chico said " Bye. ".
29 And they did cross the Andes by frog.
1 And it came to pass that in Beijing in 1968 a plane landed at night.
2 And three Malkavians got off the plane, like Bergman in " Casablanca " running backwards.
3 And they will be called Bogart, Usual Suspect and Namegreb.
4 And Usual Suspect hailed a rickshaw and told the driver to leave.
5 And the rickshaw driver left.
6 And Usual Suspect pulled the rickshaw with Bogart and Namegreb into the city.
7 And in the same city was Curly the Tremere, who had hunted high and low for the losers of the race.
8 And Curly stood before them and Curly shook her head and said " You have lost. ".
9 And Bogart said " Nice to see you too, Curly.".
10 And Curly said " My name is Vivian. ".
11 And Usual Suspect said " Okay Vivian, see you at the finish line. ".
12 And Curly said " There is no finish line. The race has been over for 150 years. ".
13 And Namegreb said " If there is no finish line, how can we be finished? ".
14 And Bogart said " We may have lost but you are lost. ".
15 And Usual Suspect said " Do you know where you are going? ".
16 And Namegreb said " Because we sure as hell do. ".
17 And Curly stamped her foot and said " But the race is over. ".
18 And Bogart said " But not the RUNNING of the race. ".
19 And Namegreb said " Running. ".
20 And Usual Suspect said " Run. ".
21 And Curly ran. And Usuaul Suspect ran, dragging Bogart and Namegreb behind him/her/it.
Think on this:
Travel time (London to London, 1814)
Tremere: 114 days
Ventrue: 117 days
Gangrel: 120 days
Nosferatu: 125 days
Toreador: 127 days
Brujah: 136 days
And somewhere in the world
Three people run
And fly
And ride
And float
And sail
And drive
A meandering path across a planet
They are nearly 200 years late
Because there is no finish line
But they have direction
They have each other
And they have a horizon that smiles a broad curved smile on their drunken path
Who has won the race?
