It’s a conspiracy – I’m sure of it

The Kids Know Everything !

It’s a conspiracy – I’m sure of it. What is it about kids, that when parents hit the big five-o, they seem to think that we don't know anything at all, and are incapable of doing anything at all ? They start to ASSUME that I can’t make sensible decisions anymore ! They begin to drop off brochure’s of retirement homes, and tell stories of how Mr. & Mrs. So and So up the street is so happy there. What is it ?

OK, so I’m NOT as young as I used to be. I admit it. There’s no use denying it ! But, do they think I’m suffering from senile dementia just because I forgot to feed the cat two nights in a row ? I was busy…my mind was preoccupied. Is it a crime ? The cat wasn’t complaining !

Oh, yes, I’ve worked it all out. It’s payback time….I can tell ! Payback for all those times I forced them to brush their teeth, clean their rooms, and do their homework. They may not even know they’re doing it, but in their tiny little minds, they think they’re gonna spend the next 20 years telling Mom what to do ! Have I got news for them ! There is no way in hell I’m going to submit !

Take last month as a “for instance”. I decided I was going to drive 200 miles to visit an old friend. I was going on the Saturday morning, and coming home late Sunday night. You’da thought they would have been happy for me. But no ! What happened ? It just about caused a family crisis !

“It’s too far…you can’t do that…it’s too much for you !” Too much for me ???? How do they know what’s too much for me ? Did they forget I used to drive 12 hours straight to get them to the coast during vacations ? (We had to take 2 cars, there was always too much luggage). Don’t they remember when they begged me to drive 5 hours each way so they could camp in the woodlands for the weekend. Do they think I can’t see the road in front of me, or read a map ? I tell you, it’s a conspiracy ! They even turned to my husband for help on this one. They don’t ever question HIS ability to drive for 5 hours !

“Dad, you gotta speak to her…tell her she can’t do it !”

I know that old man ! I’ve known him since he was 16, and I saw the glimmer in his eye !

He was enjoying this ! “No, son….you tell her”. He sat back in the rocker and folded his arms. He was staying neutral – the traitor !

They tried, boy, how they tried, but I can be real stubborn when I want to be. I dug in my heels, and took the trip ! So what if I got lost twice on the way there and once on the way back ! Who cares ? (I didn’t mention this of course, I’d have got the “I told you so” look).

They were all at the house to meet me when I arrived home. Husband, kids, grandkids – they looked like they were ready for a close encounter of the third kind ! I drove triumphantly into the driveway, and looked up smugly as they approached the car, en masse. The old man proudly opened the door for me, as my eldest son went to the trunk to get my luggage.

He called from the rear of the car. “Mom, where did you put your bags ? The trunk’s empty”.

Empty ? How could it be empty ? I had to think quick ! I swirled to the rear of the vehicle.

I heard the start of a chuckle coming from the old man. I gave him THE LOOK.

“Oh, I gave all my stuff away.” I announced grandly. “There was a poor beggar woman on the side of the road, and she needed it more than I did”.

You could have cut the atmosphere with a knife !

One of my granddaughters was the first to speak.

“Wow, Gran, you’re a real humanitarian !”

She looked around proudly at the rest of the family and linked her arm through mine.

I sneered at the lot of them, and swept up the porch steps !

The bags arrived by courier two days later. I had left them on my friend’s driveway.