Summary: Tragedy brings twelve-year-old Rachel back home to her father, and Mark hopes that things will go back to the way they were in the old days. But it’s not as easy as it seems. Part 4 in series.
Author’s Notes: Spoilers from Piece of Mind onward.
Disclaimer: The characters you’ve seen before are not mine. The end.
Feedback: I’m not a doctor, I’m not a lawyer, and I don’t have the time to pretend to be. I’m just a lowly high school student with very little free time on her hands. But if you have comments unrelated to those two areas, please tell me. I’d really love to hear what you think. I’m down on my knees begging!! Just send all comments and criticism to greeneblob707@yahoo.com with the title of the fanfic as the subject.
Spring was quickly approaching, and Rachel was adjusting more and more to her new life, at least on the outside. She began coming home as soon as school let out, and she had even invited some new friends home on the weekends. Her relationship with Mark hadn’t improved, the bickering continued, and Rachel received several punishments for the way she treated her father. But this didn’t cause a change in her. She took it in stride.
Rachel only had two basic problems in her life at the moment, as far as she was concerned. She felt she had learned how to deal with them fairly well. They came and went as quickly as her moods changed. One was her father, whom she learned to avoid as much as possible. The other was her mother, whom she learned to stop thinking about when necessary. Sometimes the pain was deep, and sometimes, rarely, there were even happy memories. Most times, however, she would ignore her feelings and become a normal child. Otherwise, she enjoyed her school and social life more than she had in St. Louis. She was doing well in her classes and making friends. Her leg had healed, and she gained permission to start playing soccer again. As long as she was busy, she was okay. When she was alone, however, the memories came back to haunt her.
Mark was not reacting well to this new situation. He saw the way she acted around her friends, and he saw the success she was having in school and on the soccer field. He was proud of his daughter, but he worried that she was hiding something. He also realized the irony of the whole situation. He had wanted Rachel to live with him so they could become closer. They had always gotten along well, and he thought that her living with him would just make things better. Unfortunately, something had happened in between. He didn’t know if it was her mother’s death that had caused the change in her or whether it was something else, but she was acting differently than the old Rachel and pushing her father further and further away. The more effort he put into getting to know her, the more she would shut him out of her life. For every step forward, he took two steps backward. He felt like he couldn’t win.
After a while, Elizabeth learned to stay out of the situation. She had talked to Mark about it and tried to listen to both sides of the story. But whenever she tried to talk to Rachel about her father or about her mother, she would change the subject. Regardless, the relationship between Elizabeth and Rachel was still fairly healthy. Rachel talked to her about school, friends, even boys. Yet when Elizabeth would check up on how Rachel was feeling, Rachel would shut her out. She refused to discuss memories of her mother.
Conversation about Mark resulted in a similar reaction. Elizabeth knew that it was partly because Rachel felt that Elizabeth would take sides. But Elizabeth truly wanted to know what was bothering Rachel so that she could try to patch things up between them. She knew how much it was hurting Mark, and she didn’t want it to go on longer than it had to. It certainly wouldn’t heal itself.
It was a fairly slow afternoon in the E.R. There were the normal, boring cases of LOLs and drunks, but the doctors had tried to hand them off to the med students and nurses as often as possible. Taking advantage of the lull in the day, Mark had gone up to visit Ryan at day care. They were building a castle out of blocks when Mark’s pager went off. “SCHL BUS CRSH ND U NOW”
“Sorry, buddy, I gotta go,” Mark said to Ryan.
Ryan waved as he watched Mark leave, and then he smiled and turned to another little boy beside him who was also building blocks. Mark took the stairs, unsure of how long the wait for the elevator would be. When he arrived back down at the E.R., the trauma rooms were being prepared and there were people scattered all about the E.R. working to get ready. Haleh handed him his gown and informed him, “School bus versus moving van, Deerborne and Mackenzie. They need a doctor on the scene, I think they’re sending Carter. We’re taking four major, 13 minor. ETA, three minutes,” Haleh called as she went away to inform the next doctor.
Mark had hardly heard anything past ‘Deerborne and Mackenzie.’ He quickly approached admit where Kerry was giving orders as to how to prepare for the trauma.
“Kerry!” Mark called, “Do you have any more information on the crash?”
“No one told you yet?” she asked.
“No, no, no, I mean, non medical. Where was the school bus coming from?” Mark questioned impatiently.
“I don’t know, we normally don’t ask those sorts of questions. Is it important?” Kerry replied, obviously itching to get to the ambulance bay.
“I think Rachel was on the bus,” Mark answered simply.
Kerry’s face showed her surprise, and she ordered, “Randi, get someone on the phone and find out where bus number 321 was coming from.”
“Has Carter left yet?” Mark questioned.
She nodded her head behind Mark, where Carter was exiting the lounge. Mark abruptly turned away, just in time to catch Carter before he left the building. Kerry followed as close behind as possible. “Carter, wait! Here, let me take this stuff. I’ll go.”
Carter glanced aside to Weaver, who had suggested that Carter go to the scene. Kerry shook her head to Carter, who told Mark, “Dr. Weaver gave me the assignment. I don’t think they can wait any longer.”
He looked hesitant, but Dr Weaver ordered, “Go, Carter,” shooing him away.
Mark turned to her, upset. “Kerry, what was that for? I could have been ready in an instant, you know that.”
Kerry looked at him sympathetically and answered, “Mark, in your own medical opinion, do you really think you should have been the one to go to the site?” She lowered her voice, “If Rachel had been on that bus, what would you have done? If she had been seriously hurt, could you really have handled it?” Mark failed to reply, but a defeated expression crossed his face. He knew she was right, but there was nothing that he wanted more at that moment than to be with Rachel.
“I think we all trust Dr. Carter enough to know that he will do the best job possible.” Kerry watched Mark for a second more before turning away to wait in the ambulance bay. She stopped halfway there and turned to Mark, who was still standing where she had left him. She nodded toward admit as she said, “Make a few phone calls, see what’s going on. I think we have enough doctors to cover you.”
“Elizabeth. Is Rachel home yet?” Elizabeth put down the medical journal she had been engrossed in and turned her full attention to the phone. She had found a few minutes of peace while Ryan napped, and she hadn’t been expecting such a greeting from the other side.
“No,” Elizabeth answered. “I was expecting her any minute.”
“Damnit,” Mark replied.
“What’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked, alarmed at the tone of his voice.
“There was a school bus crash at Deerborne and Mackenzie. Randi called to see where it was coming from, but they haven’t called back to confirm anything yet. I don’t see what else it could be,” Mark answered, growing increasingly concerned.
“Maybe it was a field trip,” Elizabeth suggested hopefully.
Mark glanced at the gurneys around him and assured her, “No, it was her bus.”
Mark sighed, looking around the E.R. for something, anything, to calm his nerves. All around him, gurneys were flying from one direction to another. Most of them were minor injuries up to this point, and they were trying to stay clear for the majors that would be coming in soon. He did not recognize Rachel’s face as any of the minor injuries, but he did recognize a friend or classmate here and there, confirming his belief that it must have been Rachel’s school. He silently prayed that Rachel was among the few unharmed. However, he knew that if Rachel was not among the faces he now saw, she was more likely to be among the traumas. The doctors wouldn’t let anyone get away without first being brought to the E.R. after such a disastrous crash. He prayed that he would see her soon.
“Dr. Greene,” Randi called. “Weaver needs you in Exam 2.”
“I’ve gotta go, Elizabeth. I’ll call you if she comes in.”
“Okay. I’ll keep an eye out for Rachel here. And if I hear any news, I’ll call you right away. Don’t worry, Mark.”
Ha, don’t worry, she thought. That was a silly thing to say. How could Mark not worry at a time like this? She was having plenty of trouble following her own instructions already. But she knew she needed to stay positive, and she supposed this was her way of reminding Mark to do the same. The two said their good-byes, and Elizabeth quickly hung up the phone and moved to the door. She stepped outside to wait for Rachel to come home. That was also a silly thought, she knew, but she felt like she should be doing something.
Back in the E.R., Mark began to approach Exam 2 to check with Dr. Weaver. He didn’t get past the desk before Randi remembered, “Oh, by the way, that bus was from Danker Middle School.”
Mark nodded but didn’t thank her. There was no need to thank the official bearer of bad news. As Mark entered the exam room, Kerry wasted no time in asking a request of Mark. “I’m sorry, Mark, I know I told you we’d cover you, but we’re really swamped here. Can you just take a quick H and P? There are incoming traumas, and all the residents and med students are tied up. I just want to make sure we don’t miss anything that could be serious.”
“Sure,” Mark agreed, taking the chart from Kerry. He sat down next to the young girl and gave a small smile in spite of himself. He had been hoping Kerry had found Rachel. The more minor medicals that came in, the more nervous he became. Reluctantly, he began examining the girl, who had a tear-stained and bruised face. He concluded that there was no severe damage and that treatment could be delayed until the traumas had cleared. She was more emotionally distraught than physically damaged. Normally, he would have taken the time to talk with the girl about what she had been through, but Mark felt that more important matters were at hand today.
Mark made his way back to admit, sighing. Just as he began to take another chart, the doors of the ambulance bay burst open with what looked like a severe trauma. Kerry and Dave seemed to have it covered, but something drew Mark into the trauma. He looked at the child laying on the gurney and was relieved to see that it was a boy, about 12 years old. He retreated back to the admit desk but put the chart away. Instead, he picked up the phone and dialed his home number again.
“Mark?” Elizabeth answered eagerly.
“Yeah,” he replied. “No news. How about you?”
“Me neither,” she replied. “I called the school to see if she had stayed after.”
“They must be getting a lot of calls like that…” Mark said, for lack of anything more relevant to say.
Elizabeth noticed and told him, “I’m sure she’s okay.” Again, Elizabeth knew that it was an inaccurate statement. Everything else seemed to turn sour in their lives, why not this?
“Yeah,” Mark echoed. But inside, he secretly echoed Elizabeth’s sentiment. He knew there was no way to know, but he, like Elizabeth, felt that she wasn’t okay. And he wanted to know- now.
The last of the traumas had come in, and things were settling down in the E.R. This only made Mark more uncertain. After all that time, Rachel was still nowhere to be found. He had called every emergency room that she possibly could have been taken to. He had just called Elizabeth, and she was driving around the neighborhood, checking to see if Rachel had walked home and wandered instead of taking the bus. So far, there was no progress.
It would be getting dark soon, and Mark was getting more and more frustrated. He had asked Rachel’s friends that he recognized- and even some that he had never seen before, and they had all said that she had taken the bus home. He had asked Carter, who had said he hadn’t seen her but who felt terribly guilty anyway. He had showed the paramedics her picture and asked if they had seen her. Some were certain that they had, others said they might have, and still others had no remembrance of her at all. Mark didn’t know what to hope for anymore. Every situation seemed hopeless at this point.
Elizabeth approached the old, small plot of land that contained the corpses buried deep underneath the ground. She had been there only once before, for Jennifer’s funeral. It wasn’t a very welcoming place. But then again, what kind of graveyard was? A few old ladies who lived on the corner of the street on which the accident had taken place had directed her here and had spoken of her passing by on several other occasions. After searching the streets for Rachel, she had realized that this could be a quite realistic place for her to be hiding away.
Elizabeth recognized the braids, the yellow windbreaker, and the flared jeans right away. He heart leapt with joy, and she almost decided to call Mark on her cell phone right away. But something stopped her, and she put it away. Moving nearer, she perceived a closer view of the young woman pulling her knees to her chest. She noticed tears dripping down the girl’s face, with some scrapes and bruises here and there. Moving even closer, she noticed several singular flowers near the memorial. Most were dead and dried, but there were a few fresh and colorful ones. Elizabeth recognized them all from the garden in the back of the house.
Touched by this scene, Elizabeth could not contain herself and reached down to give the girl a big hug. The girl did not immediately repel the hug; she instead seemed to welcome it before realizing what had been done.
“You found me,” Rachel said in a low voice, a mixture of disappointment and amazement in her voice. “Where’s Ryan?” she asked.
“At the neighbor’s,” Elizabeth replied. Somehow, her voice seemed constrained by tears, though none fell on her cheeks. There were millions of questions and scoldings she wished to fling upon Rachel, but none seemed appropriate. “Do you come here often?” Elizabeth asked quietly, as quietly as Rachel had spoken.
“I used to,” Rachel answered.
Seeing as Rachel seemed to be ready to open up, Elizabeth decided to hold off on all the important things that she knew were demanding attention. She had a feeling that this might be even more important.
“Why did you stop?” Elizabeth gently prodded, taking a seat beside her.
“I got tired of thinking about it,” answered Rachel, wiping tears off her cheeks and sniffling.
“But you had to think about it today, huh?”
Rachel nodded and sniffled again, finally looking up. “That sunset’s pretty.”
Elizabeth was caught off guard by this comment and by how quickly she had changed gears. She was especially surprised to hear the comment coming from Rachel. She didn’t think that it was something any twelve year old, let alone Rachel, would be particularly appreciative of. “Yes, it is.”
The two stared into the distance for a while before Elizabeth broke the silence. “I really should examine you.”
Rachel sighed but let Elizabeth proceed. Elizabeth found everything to be okay, except for a laceration that needed stitching. “We need to get that irrigated in the next three hours. The risk of infection is already pretty great. But I think we can wait a little while longer… if you want to talk.”
“About what?”
“Your mother. Or your dad.”
Rachel sighed again. “I don’t want to talk about either.”
“Fine, then. I’ll call your father, and we can go to the emergency room, and you can get yelled at, and we can go back to the way things have been-“
“Fine,” Rachel interrupted.
Elizabeth inwardly smiled, but continued, “So what is the matter between you two?”
“He treats me like such a baby!” Rachel exclaimed, immediately taking the defensive.
“I’m not blaming this on you,” Elizabeth clarified. “But I do want you to know that that statement did not sound like it should come from a mature twelve-year-old.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Maybe. At times. But that’s his job, you know.” Rachel had no response, so Elizabeth suggested, “Maybe you should talk to him about it.”
“He wouldn’t listen,” she replied certainly.
“Have you tried?”
Rachel hesitated but eventually admitted, “I guess not.”
“He’s worried about you. He knows what it’s like to lose parents. I’m not sure I’m convinced that you’ve accepted your mother’s death yet either.”
Silence ensued. “You want to talk about that too, don’t you?” Rachel guessed. Elizabeth hadn’t planned on forcing the subject out of her. She knew it would be difficult. But the fact that she asked the question made Elizabeth feel hopeful, and she pressed on.
“Or you could talk to your dad. And if you didn’t do that, he’d probably send you to a therapist. So, you can choose. Me, your dad, or a stranger.”
Rachel gave Elizabeth a look, but she did speak. It became quite clear that she hadn’t, in fact, moved on from that December afternoon. Permanently engrained in her mind, she explained in detail the pictures left over from that fateful day. Elizabeth couldn’t help but cringe at the pictures she had described. After working on so many traumas, she was somewhat accustomed to seeing the blood and gore that went along with the tragic accidents. She rarely imagined how a twelve-year-old might feel seing her mother, bleeding profusely, crushed, in excruciating pain. It was quite a different story. Elizabeth, in her thirties, wondered if she would even be able to handle seeing her mother that way, regardless of their current relationship. Elizabeth felt slightly guilty for not realizing that fact before. She had thought about how much Rachel must have missed her, how much she must have wished to go back to the past. But she had never thought about the actual accident and about the scar that it could be leaving on Rachel. Elizabeth silently chastised herself for overlooking it. Now she felt a mix of pity, sympathy, and understanding for Rachel, much greater than she had ever felt for her before.
“She told me she loved me before she died. Only I didn’t think she was going to die. She was still talking to me!” Rachel cried. “And all the way to the hospital, I told myself that my mom was okay, because she had said that to me. But when we got there, she wasn’t and…” Rachel stopped, and Elizabeth noticed the tears freely flowing down her cheeks now.
Elizabeth embraced her again, and they sat there for a while. “My friends… today, some of them looked just like my mom did. And they were talking to me, so at first I thought they’d be all right. But then I remembered, and I couldn’t take it any more.”
“So you came here,” Elizabeth concluded. “It’s okay to remember her.”
“I know. But… I remember her a lot. And I know you’re supposed to remember the good times, the old days when things were good, and we were all happy, but I just can’t, not much. I usually remember all the bad stuff and how much I miss her. I’m not supposed to, I know.”
“It takes time,” Elizabeth told her. “And practice. You’ll get there. Just don’t keep pushing it all away. It’s like a huge school project that seems like it’s impossible. The more you push it away, the harder it becomes when you absolutely have to deal with it.”
Rachel smiled. “I know what that’s like.”
“The good thing is that you are talking about it now. It’s a good start,” Elizabeth said. The two talked for a little while longer, as if they were as close as could be. Because they were. Now they were.
“Thanks, Elizabeth.”
“Hey, don’t thank me. That’s what I’m here for. You can talk to me any time you want. And your dad too. We’ll always listen. Next time just don’t wait so long.”
“I won’t,” she assured her.
Suddenly, Elizabeth’s cell phone rang, and she searched her pockets before she finally recovered it. It was now dark. She knew Mark would be upset after he heard how long it had been since she had found Rachel, but she was sure he would forgive her, especially after he heard what had gone on since then. Maybe all this misfortune did have a purpose after all.
* * *
That night, they all sat on the sofa eating popcorn and watching a movie they had all agreed on renting: Pearl Harbor. Mark and Elizabeth had decided that Rachel did not need to go to school the next day, and they took full advantage of the opportunity. Mark and Rachel talked for what seemed like forever, while Elizabeth rented the movie, made the popcorn, and put Ryan to bed. When they finally turned the movie on, it was already quite late.
This is progress already, Rachel thought. A PG-13 movie. She happily watched on, feeling as if a giant weight had been lifted from her shoulder. Talking had helped, and it seemed as if things were finally settled with her father. She was incredibly relieved. For the first time since she had been here, she felt as if she could be happy without feeling something nagging at her from inside her head. And it felt wonderful.
Elizabeth was also relieved. She knew that things would not go perfectly from here on, but it was definitely a start. Whatever they had talked about had seemed to help, and she trusted that things really would be okay between the two of them. For the first time since Rachel had arrived, she was surprised to see Rachel with a genuine smile on her face. And it felt wonderful.
Mark sighed as he looked at Rachel, apparently absorbed in the movie. He could almost see a burden lifted from her expression, and he was happy to have the old Rachel back. He realized now that it would never be exactly the same. Rachel had grown up, and a lot had changed. He’d have to change a lot with her. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t be happy. For the first time since Rachel had come home, this was the closest things had felt to being just like the old days. And it felt wonderful.
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6