WOULD THE KILLER

KINDLY STEP FORWARD

OR

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID!

"Like, are we there yet or something?" Hummana asked.

"No," the ancient creature answered. It was about a week since he had come out of the lab in Italy, and he had achieved a new vigour. His gait was longer and more powerful.

"Daemina! No!" Cleo cried, cradling the limp body of the Bavarian girl. "That’s it!" she screamed, "This means war!" She turned to Homes de Pants. "Sex yes?"

Everyone was crowded around the body. "If this ain’t the biggest mess I have ever seen . . ." Al said.

Al, Gamblor, NTM, Igor, AFOC and Aussiebushman moved away from the rest. "What do we do now?" NTM questioned.

"How about the slash and burn technique?" Gamblor asked.

"Are you suggesting," Igor began, poising her foot in front of Gamblor’s groin, "That we should just kill them all and burn the bodies, so we would get rid of the killer?"

"Yes."

Igor thought about this briefly. "Hey, I’m with Silky."

"Have you all gone mad?" Al screamed. "We should search their bags before doing anything too extreme."

"S’pose," Gamblor and Igor conceded.

The small group moved outside, becoming uncomfortable in the darkness. They looked back at the house and saw Cleo and Homes coming out, carrying their bags.

"Everyone has decided to get the hell out of here," Cleo announced approaching them.

"Where do you plan to go?" NTM asked.

"Argh!"

"Where’s that?" Al asked.

"Argh!"

"Gees, not again!" Igor yelled in frustration.

"It better not be Insalubrious Regurgitation Catalyst," Gamblor said as they all ran to the house, "gees she’s attractive!"

"No," Al puffed, "It sounded like a man."

Inside they found Bob, lying face down in a lake of blood.

"Messy," Gamblor noted.

"Quite," Al agreed.

"I am out of here!" Igor yelled. They all ran out again.

"No!" Aussiebushman exclaimed. "Stay here, you won’t survive out there!"

"Maybe . . ." Gamblor said. "Where is Iraqui Rheumatic Coughdrop?"

"Gees she’s so attractive!" Igor said.

"Hey, that’s my line!" Gamblor protested, giving Igor a concerned look.

Gamblor, AL, NTM, Igor, AFOC, the Kaiser and Aussiebushman went back to the living room, while Cicci, Magnio, Cleo, Captain de Pants, Phil, Bill, Brucey Scalp and Blinky left the safety of the tree house.

"Fools! What are they doing?" NTM asked.

"Yes," agreed Igor, "But one of them is the killer."

They all thought about this as they watched the people outside dashed off in all directions through the forest.

Cicci ran through the thick forest, not sure where the hell he was going. His plan was rather undeveloped to say the least, but he was just going to run until he thought that he was far enough away to be safe. Then he would try to fix his bark watch thingy which had decided just at the wrong time not to work.

A moment previously he thought he could hear the footsteps of someone behind him. But now there was seemingly nothing.

He had run for ten minutes when he was getting tired. He stopped and sat on a rock, fiddling with the bark parts of his watch thingy.

In the corner of his eye he thought he saw something move. "Just a tree branch waving in the breeze," he assured himself. But he soon noticed that there was no breeze. His fiddling with the machine became frantic as he became certain that the killer was presently stalking him.

The shadow dashed around in the bush in front of him, taunting him. The bark would not stay in its place, and no matter how insistently he talked to the watch thingy, telling it to stay in its place, it would not obey.

There was a sharper sound in the bushes, Cicci jumped at it. Just then a cat darted out from the foliage, startling Cicci. "Just a cat!" he stuttered.

Then he wondered what the hell a cat was doing out here anyway. Thinking back to countless horror movies he had seen, he came to the conclusion that it could mean only one thing.

The robed one stepped out from the dark. Cicci had been expecting this. "F#$k it!" he cursed, turning to run.

He felt that he was going very fast, but he could hear behind him the sounds of the killer in hot pursuit. In a particularly dense section of the forest Cicci hid in a clump of bushes.

He saw the killer walk in front of the bushes, standing there, waiting. Cicci was uncomfortable in his position, he lay his hand down and snapped a twig. The killer heard this and immediately reacted, lunging into the bushes. Fucking horror story clichés! Cicci thought.

"No!" Cicci yelled, operating his watch thingy as the sickle scraped along his stomach.

His body rippled, dissolving into nothingness. He appeared back in Northern Italy, 4380BC. He staggered to his hut where he lay on his bed, bleeding terribly. As he adjusted his animal skin pillow he startled a rabid squirrel which lunged at him, sinking in its teeth.

He died six hours later, mainly because of the squirrel bite. But before he died he activated his watch thingy, and appeared in yFalminca roughly four metres above the ground at a party where his comrades had been. It was two days earlier. His body thudded in the courtyard, attracting the attention of the party goers. Thirteen seconds passed before the great majority started screaming.

"Argh! Argh! Argh!" they said.

Inadequate Rissole Cueball ran through the forest a few metres behind Cleo and Homes de Pants. Cleo shuddered as she heard the hippy behind her.

"Shit, you scared me. Where have you been?"

"I have been here all the time, I only just caught up, whoa."

"Whatever." And they continued running, Ionised Rattle Corncob dropped behind a bit.

"Sex . . . yes?" Cleo panted.

"Mmmnggklm," de Pants said breathlessly.

"Argh!"

"Sorry," de Pants dribbled.

"Inorganic Rusty Cake!" Cleo shrieked.

The two ran back, where Intelligent Rickety Crab had been was now just a few crayons and a lot of blood.

"No!" Cleo exclaimed.

"Mmmnggklm," Captain Homes de Pants assured her.

"We have to go back, we aren’t safe here."

They began to run back in the direction of Aussiebushman’s house.

Blinky and Magnio ran together. They were not sure where they were and Blinky had the suspicion that they had been running around in circles. "I that we should go back." Blinky suggested.

"What are you mad?"

"We haven’t a chance out here, and I think we have been running around in circles." Blinky looked around. "I believe that we have passed that tree with the sign on it several times."

"What tree?"

Blinky indicated the one in front of them. "Oh, that tree. The one that has the sign which says ‘you are in the bush’. Mmm very helpful."

Blinky and Magnio began running back to where they thought the tree house was. Magnio stayed behind Blinky, as his arms swung around violently. However this was quite useful in clearing the path.

AND THE OTHERS?

Phil and Bill walked calmly through the trees. "Will thirs irs a good walk irsn’t irt, Phirl?"

"Yis, good walk, Birl," Phil agreed.

"I thirnk I want to go neck now, what abert you?"

"Yis, let’s go beck."

Brucey Scalp grinned evilly as he ran through the forest. They were all dieing, it was great. But this running thing was getting a bit old. He turned round and headed back.

"Look, they’re all coming back!" Igor exclaimed.

The first to emerge from the forest was Cleo, shortly followed by Captain Homes de Pants. Phil, Bill and then Blinky.

All those inside ran out to greet them. Gamblor scanned the crowd frantically. "She’s so attractive, she’s so attractive, she’s so attractive, she’s so attractive, she’s so attractive . . ." he babbled.

"Snap out of it you idiot!" Al said, slapping him.

Blinky looked around, confused. "Where did Magnio go?" he asked breathless. "He was just here."

"Maybe the killer got him," Cleo suggested. "Irregular Ration Calligraphy was got, I am afraid."

"BUT SHE WAS SO ATTRACTIVE!!!"

NTM ignored this, quickly jumping into his Sherlock Holmes garb. "So who is the killer?" he said, blowing small rings of smoke.

A robed figure emerged from the forest. "I will kill you!" they screamed in a deep tone.

"Perhaps," NTM considered, "this is the killer."

"Brilliantly perceived, Mr. President," Igor mockingly complimented NTM.

"Thankyou."

The one in robes moved forward quickly, running into the pack of people.

"Argh!" they said.

The group scattered, all except Al. "Argh?" he asked rhetorically.

"I will kill you Guru AL!!!"

"Oh, that’s kinda bad isn’t it?"

The one in robes sliced the air with their sickle, just in front of Al. "Hey!" Al protested, dodging the blade. "I am the Guru, no one kills the Guru!"

"Die Fascist Swine!"

"No!"

The one in robes chased Al around the clearing as the rest of the group watched on from the sides. "Help me, you cowards!"

"I much prefer the view from here!" Igor answered.

The one in robes once again hacked at the air, this time cutting Al, letting a bit of blood from his right shoulder.

"Did you see . . . what, he . . . did?" Al gibbered. "He . . . cut me. Mummy!"

"Stay still," the voice boomed. Finally the one in robes hacked at Al’s stomach and chest and the great Guru fell. The clearing fell silent.

"You bitch!" NTM screamed.

"And while I am here," the one in robes said, "I might as well kill all of you."

They were briefly distracted by a tugging on their robes. They looked behind them and saw a skinny woman drawing yellow flowers on his robe.

"Peace and Harmony!" Indecent Rising Condom said.

"She’s so attractive," someone said from across the clearing.

"Get off of me," the one in robes cried, "here I am trying to be scary and all and you are just decorating my robes with cute little flowers. It’s so degrading."

"Make love not war!" In Red Coat beamed.

The one in robes knocked the hippy aside, she fell in the bushes, but as she went she pulled off the robes and there stood the masked form of a man only in his underwear. The underwear was strange, like animal skin, not very modern.

Reluctantly the man took the mask from his face and tossed it aside.

"Magnio!" a raspy voice called.

An ancient figure stood on the edge of the clearing with a voluptuous blonde. "Iceman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone in the clearing exclaimed.

There stood the crumpled form that the people in the crowd knew and loved to be that crazy man, frozen in ice five thousand years ago, preserved remarkably and found in 1991.

"Yes, I am Iceman," the ancient figure said reluctantly. "But I was once known by my other name . . ."

"Daisy!" Igor screamed, "It’s you!"

"Yes, I am Daisy. But that is not important now. I have come to . . . I have come . . . I have . . . come . . . to . . . save . . . you." He croaked loudly and toppled over.

"Will thet wers a birt erf en enticlimex," Phil commented.

"Well, I still have to do all the killing don’t I?" Magnio said.

"Who the hell are you anyway?" Igor said.

"I am Magnio."

"Yeah, got that bit, but . . ."

"I lived peacefully in a little village in Italy, about six thousand years ago. I had but a simple life. I had my village, my farm, my lovely sensual cows . . . oh yes, but I digress. But there was something missing from my life. And then I found it. Love." Magnio’s eyes fluttered.

"She was beautiful, her name was, Daisy’s wife."

"You bastard!" Daisy said looking up, he scraped the ground with his hands, trying to crawl towards Magnio. "I . . . will . . . kill you. She was . . . my wife." He collapsed.

"We shared an intimate, loving relationship, until . . ." he pointed to the bloody body of Al on the ground. "Until several events took place which I can rightly blame on this bastard. Had he not been the fool he was to fall on that chicken, then I would have been left to love my Daisy’s Wife, instead of that idiot Daisy getting in the way."

"Hey . . . I object . . . to . . . that."

"And because of Al, it came to be that Cicci built a time machine and took Daisy’s Wife and I into the future, which [sob] led to her being viciously killed by a velociraptor. It’s all his fault!"

"What does that have to do with all the Bavarians that you killed?" Gamblor asked.

"Nothing, I didn’t kill them."

"What!!!!????"

"I just came here to kill Al, I don’t know who killed the others." His eyes suddenly widened and he fell forward.

Behind him stood another robed figure.

"Jesus Christ, this is getting a bit tiresome!" NTM shrieked.

"I will kill you all!" the deep voice roared.

"Come on, everyone. If we all gang together we can get them!" AussieBushman yelled.

"Screw you! I am going for Pizza," Gamblor replied.

The figure in robes charge around the clearing. First they chased after Phil and Bill, but the two kiwis manage to evade them. So the figure went for Hummana.

They slashed at her chest. "Aha like what are you doing or something?" Hummana asked dully.

"Die Bitch!"

They hacked at Hummana’s breasts, seemingly making no impact to the giant bouncy blobs. "Like stop that or something."

Deciding that it was a futile attempt, the figure in robes ran on to its next victim, slicing off Cleo’s head cleanly.

"Mmmngklm!" Captain Homes de Pants protested as the figure in robes ran after him.

When the sickle was about to dig into his back another robed figure jumped into the clearing, circled the first.

"This is my territory! Back off!" Said the second robed one.

"Ok," the first answered, disrobing. When the mask with the electronic voice alteration machine came off, Brucey Scalp stood there. "I will just . . .eh . . .use my machine then," he said, brushing the flecks of dandruff, showering everyone in the white dust.

"Ooh!" Igor shrieked. "It won’t come off!!"

"And now . . . eh . . . be afraid . . . eh. This is my . . . eh . . . machine." From his pocket he took a small, grey, metal box.

"Quake . . . eh . . . in terror!" He opened it, flicked a switch on the side.

Soft, tinkling music filled the clearing. It was the tune of the Dance of the Sugar Plumb Fairy. Brucey Scalp began to dance around the metal music box.

"Do do do do do . . . eh . . . do do dooo." He hummed to the tune. His dance was frightfully odd. He ran around slapping the side of his head and hopping on his left leg.

"This is bizarre," Gamblor observed.

"A music box! His grand machine is a music box!" Igor cried in disbelief

"Hey wait a minute," NTM said, "You’re the janitor aren’t you?"

Brucey Scalp did not acknowledge this question. He danced until the music stopped, bowed and threw 7his head away.

WAIT A MINUTE!!! Threw his head away? Oh, no! Actually his head was rather deftly removed by the only remaining robed figure.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!" they roared.

The bushes rustled behind the robed one.

"Fuck, I hope it isn’t another dickhead in a robe!" Blinky wailed.

From the darkness stepped an impressive figure, as it stepped into the light the people gasped.

"Is there no killing you," the robed one yelled.

"No, I am Gorf, Thuperhero Exthaodinaire! Nothing can stop me!" Gorf strutted into the centre of the clearing. "I am here to save you!"

The robed one ran up from behind and dug the sickle deep into Gorf’s back.

"Ouch!" Gorf said before falling down.

"You have no way of escape now!" the robed one boomed.

Anvil-Falls-On-Coyote stepped towards the robed one from behind. "Pogo, pantomime eggplant of the oleander salt," he mentioned, tapping the robed one on the shoulder.

"What do you want?" the robed one asked.

"Bean take."

The robed one lunged for AFOC, just as AFOC dodged the sickle he also dodged a shiny anvil. It came down with tremendous force upon the robed one’s head. They lay still.

AFOC kicked the sickle away, standing triumphantly above the body. "U-boat," he said before collapsing, a lovely little anvil finding its place on his head.

NTM strutted over to the robed body. "Well Watson," he said to Gamblor, "another case solved."

"I’m not Watson! And you certainly didn’t solve this case!"

"You’re just jealous!"

Igor removed the hood of the robed body and then the mask.

"She’s so attractive!" Gamblor said.

"She was the killer! How can you say that!" NTM squealed.

"Yeah, but it’s still true."

NTM saw the woman stir. "Why did you do this, Impotent Rastafarian Couch?"

"IT’S ILLUMINATED RAIN CLOUD!!! I WILL KILL YOU!!! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!!!" She passed out again.

"I think that’s our answer," Igor said.

"So attractive," Gamblor muttered.

The group was largely shaken by the ordeal. Captain Homes de Pants sat by himself with Cleo’s head. He opened and closed her mouth trying to synthesise a conversation. "Sex, yes?" he said as he moved Cleo’s lips.

"Mmmngklm," he replied.

Phil and Bill sat chatting about the whole psycho thing, craving firsh and chirps.

Hummana lamented on the enormous breast reduction that Brucey had given her with the sickle. It would take some getting used to.

Blinky finally got his watch thingy to work. He offered to take Aussiebushman back to Germany.

"Goodbye everyone," Aussiebushman said. "Shame about those hick Bavarians." He shook his head.

"Come on," Blinky said. The two men rippled and faded away.

"Where did Homes go?" NTM asked.

"I don’t know," Gamblor answered.

"Mmmngklm," came a plaintive wail from the forest.

"I don’t think we will see him again," Igor said.

They looked over at the body of AL, suddenly it stirred.

"AL!!!"

"Dieing sucks!" Al commented.

"I don’t want to die. I think I will just live forever." He stood, his wounds apparently healed. "Is it that easy? Why hasn’t anyone thought of this before?"

"Well I am glad that that is all over," Igor said. "Let’s go home."

As she spoke a small ripple appeared in the space behind them. Light stretched through the hole that emerged from the ripple and a piercing high-pitched scream caught their attention.

From the hole jumped a man of less than average height, a funny little moustache being the most noticeable characteristic. He also wore a head-band and some sort of kimono.

Kaiser Wilhelm spun around to face the man. The man with the moustache grinned evilly at the Kaiser. "So we meet again, Wilhelm," he spat.

"Yes, Adolf, you expected never to see me again?"

"Quite the opposite," Adolf replied, drawing a small metal cylinder the size of a normal cucumber, from his trousers. His index finger flicked a switch on its side and a long, red laser beam emerged from the end. "There can only be one, Wilhelm," Adolf chanted as he charged at the surprised Kaiser.

Wilhelm drew his light sabre quickly, starting the green laser, and blocking the strike of Adolf’s sabre.

"Shit!" Gamblor yelled, "That’s Adolf Hitler."

"What the f#$k is going on here?" Al questioned, ducking an airborne rabbit.

"Fight fair," Wilhelm yelled. "No throwing of animals."

"Accept it, Willy, you are weak. I will defeat you. Unless you come over to the dark side."

"Squa," AL observed.

"I will never join you!" Wilhelm screamed.

"Look into your soul, you know who I am?" Adolf laughed. "I am your father!"

"NO! I don’t believe it."

"Yes, you know it is true!"

"NO!"

Kaiser Wilhelm thrust at Adolf, making a large gash in the old dictator’s stomach. "Yes, every strike will only bring you closer to the dark side."

Wilhelm spun around and sliced at Adolf’s neck. The old man fell.

"Wihelm!" he cried as he went down.

Wilhelm sat on his knees next to the man. "Take off my mask, so that you can see me as I really am."

"But you will die," Wilhelm answered.

"I will die anyway."

Wilhelm moved something behind Hitler’s ear, there was a hiss, almost inaudible. Wilhelm then seemingly took off Hitler’s face.

"F#$k!" Al exclaimed in disbelief.

"F#$k!" Igor agreed in bafflement.

"F#$k!" NTM concurred in confusion.

"F#$k!" Gamblor began, "She was so attractive."

There, where Hitler’s face used to be lay the face of Sean Connery. "I’m sorry, my son," the thick Scottish accent said, as the eyes closed.

Wilhelm hung his head. Shortly after he rose, and held his hands in the praying position.

He parted them and clapped loudly screaming, "Ahhheeehhee!"

The space around him jiggled and two figures appeared on either side of him. One, a man in his sixties, wore a long, brown trench coat, and had a strange eye that wondered around on its own. The other, a woman in her early seventies, was dressed in a suitable pair of trousers and coat, and had a short hairstyle.

"Let’s go Wilhelm," the man said.

"Yes, your job here is done," said the woman.

"OK," agreed Wilhelm. He turned to Al, NTM, Gamblor and Igor. "Thankyou for all of your help. May Ron Howard be with you."

He turned to the two kiwis who the others has forgotten were there.

"Come one Phil and Bill." The Kaiser said.

"Where are you two going?" Al asked.

"Kaiser Wilhelm irs teking urs to Hollend where we wirl opin a firsh and chirp shop."

"I have no idea what he said," Al admitted.

And with that three giant twelve foot tall Chipmunks with saddles appeared and the three mounted them.

Jets of flame came out of the Chipmunks’ anuses and they flew off.

"Let me be the first to ask," Al said, "What the FUCK was that?"

"Let’s not analyse it," Igor suggested.

"But wasn’t that Peter Falk?" Gamblor spluttered.

"Yes!" Al agreed, enthused. "And the woman was Angela Lansbury!"

"I need a drink!" NTM proclaimed.

"Yes, drink," Al thought.

The four walked off in the general direction of Lightning Ridge, intent on getting home as soon as possible and sleeping off this weird trip.

"Wait for us!" a voice called out behind.

They spun around. "Gorf!" Igor screamed. "AFOC! Hummana!"

"Moonbase seamly bottled sand Tassel routine!" AFOC exclaimed.

"Ah, not right now," Igor suggested.

Al approached them, "I thought you were dead Gorf! You are certainly very hardy!"

"Of courth, I am Gorf, thuperhero exthaodinaire!"

"Whatever, I still feel like that drink. What do you say, Igor, Mirrors, Gamblor, Gorf, AFOC? How does a glass of something hard sound."

"I could go for something hard," Igor commented quietly.

"What was that?" NTM asked.

"Nothing."

The seven heroes walked off into the sunset.

"Like are we there yet or something?"

A lone camel stood, its heavy frame illuminated strangely by the rising sun. It watched as the four humans disappeared slowly.

"I tried to warn them," the Camel said indignantly. "Stupid humans!"

It shook its head disapprovingly. "When will they learn?"

In its deep contemplation it didn’t see the figure behind it. "Don’t move Humpy!" a voice said. In the corner of the camel’s eye it could see a double barrel shotgun. "Reach for the sky!"

"Well," the camel said, "That may be a bit difficult. You see if I raise my legs I will surely fall over."

"Good point," the shotgun replied. "Just don’t move!"

"Don’t worry, I wasn’t planning on . . ."

"Now listen to me Humpy! I am sick of you camels interfering in my plans. This is the last time! Look at me when I am talking to you," the shotgun screamed.

"Which one do you want me to do, not move or look at you?"

"OK, you can move but only to look at me."

The camel turned its head around. There he could see his aggressor. A plump young man, holding a large shotgun. He was, to put it mildly, a repulsive person. Not the most attractive thing to look at. His voice was, the camel decided, poofy. And he had ugly hairy moles dotting his face.

"It all ends here Humpy!"

"Why? Why did you do this?"

"Because those people didn’t come to my party. They always do that!" His eyes glazed briefly, as he remembered the night.

"The Bavarians aren’t to blame they had to go where the President does."

"Yeah, but I just don’t like them."

"Mmm," the camel considered. "S’pose."

"So I plotted," the young man continued. "How could I get them back? And the answer was right there in front of me."

"A dead body?"

"Yes . . . ah . . . NO!" the young man shook with rage. "On the TV, I saw that stupid President General. So smug. And really I don’t much like Fascism. So I thought that I could use this to strike fear into the minds of these fools. The image of the sickle would surely terrify them. But the idiots didn’t even consider the symbolism! It is just how it has always been. When Guru Al and I went to the same high school in Perth, he never gave me the respect I deserved."

"OK, and?"

"I hired the Bavarian bitch. It was perfect, no one would know." He hung his head suddenly. "But she didn’t kill them all. She failed. She was too caught up in taking her own revenge that she forgot about our contract. I said first and foremost that she should get NTM and that bastard Guru Al." He was sweating somewhat and omitting a rather unpleasant odour. His grip on the gun loosened. "Could you hold this for me?"

"No! If you want to be the demented psycho, you have to hold the gun!"

His finger danced on the trigger briefly. "And you tried to stop me! Let me tell you something Humpy . . ."

"The name’s Gerald."

"Let me tell you something Gerald! No one stops Tappy Bayeau!"

"Whatever, if you don’t mind I have got some pointless standing around on barren earth to do."

"Yes I do mind!" Tappy Bayeau shrieked. "You tried to warn them, and for that you must pay!"

Tappy began to take aim, stepping back. He stepped awkwardly on a rock, tilted on it for a moment and then fell over and down a steep hill.

The shotgun fell from his grasp, hitting the hard ground with a tremendous thud. It went off. The shot flew into Tappy’s chest.

"No!" he cried as he continued tumbling down the hell. Gerald sighed, he thought that he had had it.

He stepped carefully to the edge, looked down. The still form of Tappy Bayeau lay on the sandy ground. "Ooh, that’s gotta hurt!"

The camel turned around, satisfied that a good job had been done. "It’s always pleasing to do something good." Gerald stated plainly. He paused. "No it’s not!" he screamed. "those stupid humans are too f#$king ignorant. I never get any f#$king credit for the things I do. F#$k them all!" Gerald trotted off, muttering obscenities, plotting the downfall of the human race.

Ah, tied up very nicely. Combining elements of Return of the Jedi, Scream, I know What you Did Last Summer and even The Bodyguard. Bet you didn’t guesss who the killer was!

Ok, maybe you did, but you would never have guessed what happened with the Kaiser.

A brilliant piece of work. Here’s what the critics said:

"I saw this and I believe that it is the most . . .like Citizen Cane."

"I sat down, I watched it, and I think it is one of those movies that . . ."

"It is one of the hundreds of movies I have seen this year."

"From the makers of a previous film, comes another one."

"The movie that all the critics are talking about."

THE END

OR IS IT?

YES.

CREDITS

GURU AL HIMSELF

NTM HIMSELF

IGOR HERSELF

GORF HIMSELF

GAMBLOR HIMSELF

ANVIL-FALLS-ON-COYOTE HIMSELF

AND ALL THE REST BASICALLY PLAYED THEMSELVES

ACCEPT FOR THAT CHUNK OF PALACE.

IT WAS PLAYED BY ALEX, THE PIECE OF TEMPLE

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, GURU INC™®© 1998

"Umh, I think there may be another sequel like coming or something."

- Hummana Melonlicious.

AND HOW!

YES THE NEXT SEQUEL IS ALREADY UNDER PRODUCTION AND WILL BE OUT BY EARLY MARCH NEXT YEAR!

STAY TUNED.

This production is based (loosely) on real events. All those depicted in this production are based (loosely) on real people.

No animals, excluding one chicken, three iguanas, eight Scorpions, four oxen and small baby Rabbit, were harmed in this production.