ROUND FIVE

PEAT: So who'd win in the 50 yard dash?

CRAIG: Pietro.

PEAT: Are you just saying that because you don't know the other two? Super Sabre is REALLY fast.

CRAIG: Super Sabre of the Freedom Force twits. He'd lose. Speed Demon, yeah, I can't place him, but I'll still say Pietro.

PEAT:Speed Demon was a Spider-man baddie. He was in the sinister six for a while.

PEAT:Two axes each? Conan in the 13th. I'd pay anything to watch, though.

CRAIG: Awwwwwww, yeah.

PEAT: That's a good one. Cerebus originated as a takeoff on Conan, though, so I'll go with the Cimmerian.

CRAIG:What I want is a Dave Sim Barry Windsor Smith comic where the two characters meet up. THAT would rock.
Oh, and I wouldn't count the earth-pig out too quickly. He handled Cirin pretty damn well and she's bigger than Conan is...

PEAT:She's also like 70. And as I remember it, she whupped his ass pretty well. Cerebus is no match for Conan.

PEAT: Ugh. In a fight, I gotta go with Groo. He's invincible. But Conan is cunning. He's probably be able to confuse Groo and have him turn on his own men. A fray is a fray, after all.

CRAIG: I'd say Conan too. Groo's too stupid and Conan too savage.

PEAT: See Conan vs. Groo

CRAIG:See, whereas Conan would just kill Groo, you know Cerebus would be kinda like "what the HELL is with this guy?" and that hesitation just might cost him. 'Cause let's face it, if Cerebus couldn't get rid of the Roach after all these years. . . .

PEAT: Cerebus might not be able to "get rid of" Groo, but he could deninitely talk him into killing Cirinists instead of himself.

PEAT:"Ah, say, ah say boy, what you think you're..." HACK! SLASH! GUT! SLAY!

CRAIG: BWAH HA HA HA!!!!

PEAT: Groo has no libido, and Sophia ain't so wily. She'd be hamburger... make that cheeseburger.

PEAT: Sonja. I'll bet Sophia is a better cook, though. And she puts out, at least.

CRAIG: Aye.

PEAT: Tha-pock! Tha-pock! Tha-pock! Splat! (Giant stone moon squashes SSWR.)

CRAIG:"Listen, Moonroach. I'm coming for you. There's nothing wrong with you . . . that I can't fix . . . with my bare hands. . . ."
1) SSWR don't got to worry about Frostonite. (wuffa wuffa wuffa!)
2) CONFLICT!! CREATES!!! CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PEAT: Cir... Lord Julius. Cirin would attack him, and he's talk circles around her, then she's read his mind and see through it, but he'd have anticipated that and would only have thought confusing things to make her THINK she saw through him but actually he just convinced her to think that he was thinking what her wanted her to think he was thinking and not what he was really thinking, which he would reinforce with double-talk.
This would continue until Cirin surrendered, or her head exploded.

CRAIG: HA! HA! HA!
I can just picture Lord Julius going: "I woke up this morning and shot Cirin in my pajamas. How Cirin got into my pajamas I have NO idea. . . ."

PEAT: Those high kicks in the tavern dances would pay off. Miss Thatcher would be needing some new teeth. Oh, Yasss...

CRAIG: To paraphrase Blue Beetle: "ONE KICK!! ONE KICK!!

CRAIG: Oooo. Astoria's a manipulative bitch, but you know Jaka would have no problem belting Astoria, so let's here it for the (ex)Tavren Dancer!