Recalling the last 5 years.
The last 5 years have been eventful as too the history of the Great Lee Norris Newsletter, Let me recall, There have been two explosions that have destroyed the newsletter or at least us out of business for at least 3 months, Hostile Takeovers and Vicious Dictators. In LNN's history there has been 4 wars, crazy columnists such as Wally Kugeean, Phil the Janitor and Herman Golly of awhile. We have had more than 20 columnists in the last five seasons. This maybe the final season of the Lee Norris Newsletter but LNN will never leave the minds of those special readers.
Clips from the Past
In Smaller Font "Warning very long"
Season 2 Finale "All Good Things".....It's been a full week since Snuffy did the inthinkable, when he keyed all of the Chicken Empires cars.......I'm right outside the Emperial Court mansion where Dictator Stevens is about to address everyone in Australia and the World........ I hereby retake the throne of Dictator and the Chicken Empire, and I have a bonus for the Australians too." hmmm I wonder what he's going to do, and he's beginning to speak again. "As of 8:09p.m. the Chicken Empire will be going back to their home planet of Optimus Prime II, Oh no, all of the Australians are running in happiness and heading my way, They.....Keep.......Running......Over.........My..........Head, Is this the end of Henry King?......7, 6, 5, hey what are you doing? This is the F.B.I, you either go outside or we'll shoot you, You can't make me come out, You think you can take me down, I don't think so, I had other plans, See this, this is a detonator for this whole Studio Don't do it you will take down you whole Studio Well I don't Care, Wait don't hit that button, no..........................................................................Bang.Today outside the Lee Norris Newsletter, there was a large explosion inside the building
Season 2 Finale
"The
War, part I &II"........The Mammoths have started their attack
on the Australian coastline and are moving inward toward the capital Canneberra,
there are about 100 trucks pulling into the city of Sydney and a man is
stepping out of the lead, it's oh my god it's Chip and Mr. Fuzzbuts from
Happy the clowns story, Chip is beginning to talk, " Hello, my name is
Chip and me and my monkey have, with the help of certain friends came together
to destroy the mammoths and we will, I have been elected Overlord of the
U.C.O.M. or United Consortium to Overthrow the Mammoths, " the mammoths
are committing all of there army except for 200 soldiers,they will surely
be destroyed, I wonder where the others are with the President?
The time has come to reveal who the evil man is it's President Ognox Pinnywise,
He was the one who killed or didn't kill whatever Tiberious K. Finch to
push Tobias out of office so he could rule the world yes and then arrested
the famous fidel Castro, yes,.........BANG, oh crackers the mammoths are
outside the building right now and blew down the door. speaker outside
" This is President Ognox Pinnywise, the slander you put out about me ends
here, you have 1 minute to surrender..."...." Mr. so-called President,
This is Herman Golly, this establishment has never or ever surcome to threats
so you can just go to poo land. " outside speaker " Mr. Golly, your
efforts are in vain you can never hope to defeat us, you have 30 seconds"
kill them all,(sounds of guns ring out in the area). outside speaker "
Your time is up, time to die. " Oh crap they have attached claymore mines
to the propane tank, if that explodes then the building will go with it,
Everyone get to the bomb shelter (outside counting) 10,9,8,7,6,5,,, WAIT,
My pookie bear is up there, I have to save him, let go,.,,,,,4,3,2,1.................BANG!
No my pookie bear.......10 minutes later............the building is
gone, the mammoths left with Phil, pookie is gone. There is
only one thing left to do, It's Payback time ...................To Be Continued
Season 3 Premiere "The War, part
III"......
December 28, 1998 Yes, you heard me, It's payback time. "But Herman,
we have nothing to fight him with,..... I still have a few secrets up my
burned sleeves.
December 30, 1998
We are all ready for what is to come, ..... Ognox is giving a
speech in Burmingham, Alabama 5 minutes before 1998 becomes 1999
December 31, 1998, 12:05pm
I can hear fidel from inside his cell, "You will let me
out of this cell right at this moment and I promise I will not rip out
your heart December 30, 1998 9:35pm
We have liberated fidel and Phil the Janitor,
December 30, 1998 11:55pm
Ognox has reached the podium and has begun to speak, "We have
come together for one reason, to celebrate the very first Ognox Pinnywise
year end, and celebrate the first Ognox Pinnywise year,
" Oh Mr. Pinnywise, hey over here, yes right here," No it cannot
be, It"s Judao Time, Jesus Noah Moses, Jesus Noah Moses, OGNOX "No
for the love of Satan no, SPLASH, "Hey Brandine, keep that oven with
the rat stew away from the bathing pool, ah oh. Ha Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ognox just got electricuted, lets go rebuild the paper.....
Bigfoot Actually Hairy Hispanic Women, Season 3..... Maupin, Or. Early Monday morning a women at the First Cockroach camp site saw what she believed to be a very hairy man, but when she got closers she saw it was a bigfoot. Mrs. Moon Sky Cloud, a native american said to us, " I saw the bigfoot nursing a baby so I figured out it was female." Mrs. MSC for short said that she went and called the police and Real TV then started to follow them again, "While I was following them the larger bigfoot started yelling at the younger one, It seemed to be foreign, Then they went into a cave and two more females were inside, cooking burritos and nachos, then I knew that they were mexicans." Mrs. MSC then told us that they heard her and chased her until she lost them. When she returned to the campsite she found the authorities and led them back to the cave but they were gone. What an amazing story.
Season 4 Finale "Redemption"............Today
our great leader Henry King was served with papers from 18 lawyers that
say that he is to report to court tomorrow because he is being sued by
some guy named Ron Stephens.....Well I am so very happy to tell you that
this is the final day of my one half year contract and I do not plan
on coming back, and I have also been called back to presidency of the conflict
between Cuba and Panama...... " Hey fidel we will all miss you and we thought
you deserved a Goodbye party, " What are you talking about Dom I don't
even like you! " Well we can Change that can't we!" Shut Up........."RON
& HERMAN What Are doing here?...... ," go ahe...........What the HECK!
" Wait who are you in the dark, Oh My He has a gun Ron get out of the....................
Bang, Bang,......BANG!
Oh My Lord They just oh my Gosh diddly Osh he just killed ...........
To Be Continued.....
Season 5 Premiere "Redemption, part II".........Oh my god diddily osh he killed Herman Golly & shot Henry King, This cannot be happening. Catch Him before he gets away. Oregon City, OR. Today in a very Tragic Event two of our columnist were shot today in the LNN studio by an unknown person(s). Herman Golly, writer of the famed Communist Theory was killed instantly with a single shot to the leg, and Henry King present owner of Lee Norris Newsletter was shot in a kidney stone, which has put him into a coma state.......... Well this is Leann Crandell once again, and I suppose that we should end this Newsle...... What the Heck? Andrez" We have found the shooter. HE is outside right now with Ron & Jub Jub" Well who is it? Andrez" It was.........Phil the Janitor " What and Why? Phil" It is true I shot them, But I was aiming for you Leann" Why me Phil? Phil" Your Hair is Brown" Oh I see. Phil " But I was wanting to kill Ron too. " Andrea " WHY? " Phil" Because year after year I was promised my own column, and year after year nothing." Andrea" Well than that confirms it your nuts." Phil " Yep hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!"
Celebrity Chat w/James Christiansen
Guests Andrea Bonaparte, Jack Lyn PoPo & Andrez
Muesky
Today on the 5th Birthday special, we will be talking to some of the oldest columnists and best known. Hello Andrea, Jack, and Andrez how are you this bright and cheerful day? All talking "Shut up James we actually never liked you, because of what you did to Ron and Herman at the end of the 3rd season" WHY? I did what I had to do to get away from the evil Chinese. Everyone " You had no right and we don't like you so we are leaving" NO wait Andrea "YEAOCH" That stun from your stun gun was uncalled for, good leave you freaks I can do better than you morons.
Crazy Columnists
"Phil the Janitor, Henry King, & Wally Kugeean"
Today we will be talking
about the crazy columnists. First of all we will talk about the very
crazy columnist Wally Kuneegan. He only came on the newsletter because
his half brother was shot and is in a coma. When he was here he caused
several problems such as destroying computer files and blowing up transformers
outside the building. He left mysteriously after selling his/Henry's
shares to Andrez. Another crazy was Henry King, who was supposedly killed
at the end of the Chicken/Australian War of 1998. He later came back
as an unknown person and tookover the newsletter for 6 months and was later
shot by Phil the Janitor allegedly, and is presently in a coma, and speaking
of Phil he is our craziest columnist or worker rather. He killed
Herman Golly and shot Henry King over Leann Crandell hair color, and not
being able to be a columnist, what a nut!
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