Real News: Rare Disease Kills Stray Rats

     Sydney, Australia(Oceania), A rare and debilitating disease that has been killing several stray rats around the town.  The epidemic started when several people began urinating in the local water treatment plants in Melbourne, in a dispute against the local government lowering taxes.  No one knows why the rats have begun to die, but no one really cars either, one man had this to say, Man talking"Raise the taxes ya bloody Yanks!"  These Australians are crazy, and this is my FINAL WORD!

Traveling the World
"China (R)"

     Welcome to the very first Traveling the World, I am your host Fred McCody.  Today I am writing to you from the Great Wall of China, he biggest craphole of China.  This country does not have alot of Perks, there are vast amounts of good food, and different people although there are too many stupid people in the cesspool.  I hate this country so as soon as I stop writing I am leaving in fact I'm leaving now.

Great Things in American History
"Classic Newsletter: Life Savor Candy (R)"

     The life saver candy was invented because some man, let's call him Gymbya, anyway he created the candy so that if you swallowed it, you wouldn't choke, because of the little hole in the middle so you could breathe.  And you know what else I don't have to explain anything to anyone ever, You Got That?  GOOD!

  The Art of Sculpting Dryer Lint
 

     The fun thing with Dryer Lint is that it is fun and easy to sculpt it.  the best way to start is to use old fashion Elmer's Glue.  Use several bottles and glue it all together.  Then throw your results in the dryer for 2 adys non stop.  When you are finished it should smell very bad.  When done you can eat or throw out a 13 story window on a pigeon to kill it, because they are filthy dirty rats with wings.  It's your choice and that's my FINAL WORD!

Celebrity Chat w/ James W. Christiansen
"Lois Lane"

     This is another great edition of Celebrity Chat with me James W. Christiansen.  Today's guest is the oh so ordinary Lois Lane, Journalist from the somewhat ok paper the Daily Planet.  Hello Lois how are you?  Lois" What are you talking about ordinary, I'm extraordinary, I know Superman, and everyone else & I'm a much better journalist than you."  I didn't mean anything by that.   Lois " That's it I'm leaving and HI-YA!"  OUCH did you get that on film, oh yeah this is a newsletter, hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

Ads
"New ads"

Lerms:Yes you read this right,                      Announcement:The planetary site
Lerms are the news toys/ Dog-                    Chernobyl is now open for part-
food your child can play with it time             living and working the 1st
while your large man eating saint                   Reactor is still operating.  Russia/
bernard chews on it.  It can also                  Urkraine needs money so buy a
be used as chicken and turkey                     Beautiful chunk of the Radio-
filler, for when you bake a Chic-                  active forest on Chernobyl land
ken and Turkey.                                          To purchase the so buy now for only 8cents an
Lerms call 555-POOPS                              acre-call 1(800)Radioactive

Announcement: Henry The Hobo has              Announcement: The Lee
done it again in another round of good             Norris Newsletter is end-
luck Henry the Hobo won $350,000,               ing July 27th, 2000 but
000 in the Chinese Real Estate lottery              expect to read more from
He was reported as saying, big flippen            the creators of LNN, such
deal I'm already a billionaire and I                  as a new book and a mini-
could buy anyone of you, and you can            series that will elapse over
take that to the very wealthy bank that the       course of 8 months
I am about to buy    So read on!
 

Special Events in June.............. Phil the Janitor is Spotted in Ireland.  An odd turn in the Cuba/Panama will end the War but leave unanswered questions, One of the Columnist will suffer an odd fate,  Three of your favorite Columnists will Die, in just one 3 part Issue.  Than in just one month after the conclusion to "Hostile Frontier" is the Series Finale to end all Finales, with a mind-blowing Series ending Finale, which you have come to expect from the Lee Norris Newsletter.

THE END OF STUPIDITY  HAS BEGUN!

3 of these 12 People will Die!

Leann Crandell               John Bobeck                     Flarn McDoofey

Happy the Clown                         Fred McCody                             Dom Findobo

Andrez Muesky                      James W. Christiansen                       Wally Kugeean

                       Phil the Janitor                                               Henry King
                                                            And
                                                      Ron Stevens