LNN #616 "Penumbra"

Real News: Panama Canal Destroyed, War over!

         Panama City, Panama,  In a final move of the war over the Panama Canal, Cuba launched a 25 battleship brigade and begun bombarding the coast of Panama and the Canal.  Within two hours the Panama Canal was beyond repair and Panama declared a cease-fire and then eventually peace.  Soon after Panama petitioned the United States to help them rebuild  the Canal, and Panama and the U.S. soon signed an agreement that the U.S. would own the Canal once again for another 100 years.  Cuba and the U.S. also have an agreement that there would be no more hostility for 100 years.  This reported has also uncovered that the U.S. has been secretly sending money to Cuba during this unbloody war.  Which stands to reason maybe the United States was behind the Cuban/Panamanian War all along to get the Canal back.
 

Cubism w/ fidel Castro
 

 HELLO...........................Again, yes Cuba has won the war, we are victorious, all Cubans.  We beat the U.S. and now we have beat Panama.  No one will beat us again.  And just to Clarify things, Cuba fought this war on it's own, with NO HELP FROM THE UNITED STATES OF "PIGS"  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
No one helped us.  But we are now at Peace with the United States, so it makes no difference, I'm Done Talking Now.

Traveling the World
Crapulant Mountains "Short Article"

 Hello and Welcome to another Traveling the World, a very short one to be exact.  Today we are in the Shooneesha Continent on the Planet of Jupiter.  NOT...............MUCH...............AIR............... LEFT................SO.....................MUST................MAKE..................
QUICK...............BEAUTIFUL PLACE GOODBYE!

Celebrity Chat
"Popot Lee Pinchy"

 Welcome today I am talking to the son of the late Bobot Lee Pinchy, Popot Lee Pinchy.  Hello Mr. Pinchy how are you today?  Popot " I am great, and I love your article it is great, I read it everyday" My great article is not out everyday. Popot " Well I read it everyday, and I watch you everyday on T.V." I'm not on t.v. at all. Popot " Well I have been taping you and watching it, you know the way you comb you hair, that's cool, the way you brush your teeth that's cool, and the certains in your bathroom in front of your toilet and shower they are cool!"  That's it I'm calling security!

New Television Shows: Fifi's Happyland!

 A New show on the T.V. network CBC (Crap Broadcasting Company) is bring a new meaning to hitting rock bottom.  This new show called Fifi's Happyland  is about a large Panda Bear and his cast of Idiot friends.  The Panda (Fifi) lives in an overgrown Dog biscuit with his friends poop and Tar-Tar.  Although I cannot stand this show it has an odd seducing quality to everyone that watches it.  This show actually makes them want to watch it more.  Like a good show should not!

Elections Results for Presidential Running

 Washington D.C. In a landslide of voting a virtual unknown to the race has won  beating Gore and Bush Jr.  We are getting reports that the new President elect is now taking the podium to be sworn in as President.  Oh my god our new President is the one and only Dictator Ron Stevens from the Chicken Empire and NewChicken Empire, he is now speaking.

Dictator Stevens " YES! I have the United States now, and just to let you know that my complete honesty rule is still in effect I will tell you something about myself. "

Ok then let us hear it you idiot.

Dictator Stevens " Do you all remember Ognox Pinnywise, who was killed in 1998 because he had a radical Idea to improve the World, well I am his son, along with Tobias Finch, and Bill Gates. "

Oh my god this cannot be happening,  ohhhhh this isn't good at all.

Dictator Stevens " Well to get started, come on in my evil minions"

It sounds as if there are thousands of people coming into the Capitol, My god it's.........it's.........it's..........The Chickens are back, for the 4th time"

Dictator Stevens " I shall takeover Canada and will destroy the people responsible for my fathers death, The Lee Norris Newsletter"

OH GREAAAT and I wasn't even with the Newsletter at that time.
 

Ads
"New ads Including Final Henry the Hobo ad"

For Sale:Slightly used monkey               Do You need a Vacation?:  Well
fur.  This monkey was hit by a                than you do not need to look any
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if interested call Fred at 1-                      gives you everything thing you
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if you wish to purchase this                      If you wish to stay at
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                                                                   Maimone before it fills up.

For Sale: One beat up 95 Schwin Bicycle only asking a mear $250.00 also we are selling  3 soiled mattresses, these are top of the line and you need all of these products if interested contact OLD MAN SKIPPY!
 
 


And Now the Final Henry The Hobo Ad:

   Announcement: Henry the Hobo has
   Blown all of his money on Cockroach
   Racing and now is dead broke. Once again
   he has moved into his old Dumpster behind
   Safeway.  The good news is that he has gotten
   back together with his ex-wife Loletta the
   lounge singer and they wanted us to say o
their behalfs:

  Wanted free money
     for beer and smokes
     please contact Henry
     the hobo at Dumpster
         207.


 










Next Issue "Super Karate Monkey Death Car: Series Finale":
 


20,000 Chicken Soldiers...

10 Columnists.......

One Evil Genius...
&
One Newsletters Shocking Series Finale....

This isn't just the end of a six season running newsletter but the end of all stupid newsletters to come.

Next Isssue: Super Karate Monkey Death Car (Series Finale)
 
 

The End Of Stupidity Is Upon Us!

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