LNN #603 "Personification"

Real News: Hostility in Central America

         Tension mounts as Cuba and Panama are expected to go to war at any time, because of the whole Panama Canal issue.  Several Ambassadors from Mexico, Spain, England, Russia and the United States have explained to Presidente Castro that a Canal in Cuba makes no sense, and has no purpose, But Mr. fidel Castro just started throwing peanuts at the Ambassadors and began to sink Cuba's tugboats for no reason other than to spite everyone I guess.
Although Cuba has a large arsenal of weapons thanks to the old Soviet Union, Panama can still defend themselves thanks to the United States.

Celebrity Chat w/ James Christiansen
"Guest: Bob Dole"

         Hello and welcome to another grand segment of the great Celebrity Chat, I am your host James W. Christiansen.  Today we will be chatting with the 1996 Republican Presidential Candidate Mr. Robert (Bob) Dole.  Hello Bob Dole how are you today? Bob " Bob Dole is fine, yes and Bob Dole does plan on running for President again." OK! Anyway why did you Beautiful, gorgeous wife Mrs. Elizabeth Dole drop out of the Presidential Running? Bob " Bob Dole told her too, I will be president, that's all no more questions for Bob Dole."

Great Things is Scotish History
The Kilt

         The Kilt was created by the Scotland, because men wanted the easy-free feeling that women have with dresses.  So all we did was make a womens dress out of a checkered material known as "plad".  We then used them to irritate the British and French by "mooning them" to get our way.  We then beegan wearing them everywhere  we went because we wanted to feel pritty, then later we beegan to wear underwear with them.

The Real McCoy
Series Premiere: Overthrowing the Enemy, part I

         Today, although I still want my great things column back, I have reluctantly chose to write this column after the surprise death of Herman Golly.  Today we will be talking about different ways to overthrow the Enemy.  One way is by shear force, having 2 to 3 times the fighting force of your enemy, that way you can just consume them without ease.  Or even another way is to just more advanced weaponry to destroy them even easier.  If you just keep shooting at them and mowing down the enemy then you can just take over the enemy.  Next issue we will be discussing, ways to overthrow an enemy with a small army.  Thank you & continue to read my columns and please write in to get me reappointed as columnists  of great things.
 

Flowers of Stupidity
"The Wally Kuneegan Story"

 Hello I am as you might already know, "the Great" Wally Kugeean, the best of all actors.  TOday I will be chatting about my Career.  Well I have been in various popular B- Movies such as RanQuim, and the latest Recieved, the movie.  Then my half- brother Henry put me in control of LNN until James Christiansen and fidel Castro took over.  But I will regain my newsletter, I created it and I will destroy it!
 

Ads
No New Ads until Issue 506

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used for a highway divider, crash test                       car motor pistons. Shinibart
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Announcement: Henry King was shot                      IRS: Internal Revenue Ser-
and the legendary Herman Golly was                        vice has just released a new
killed suppossedly by the great Phil                          budget for needed things
The Janitor.  He was arrested but he                        around the U.S. $2 million
is the only one who can solve the                             to move an old lighthouse,
mystery of the shooting.  And you                           $50 million to wash a new
can help free Phil, just contact the StJ                      car and $5.00 for the Res-
"Save the Janitor" website @ http                            earch for the cure to AIDS.
http:www.savephil/StJ/224/kitty/
BANG!!!

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