Real News: Phil the Janitor Escapes
Boring, Oregon, Today in international news, Phil the Janitor, murderer
of Herman Golly and sent Henry King into a comatose state, has escaped
from the minimum security prison in which he would be spending the rest
of his pet dogs life behind paper thin bars. He escaped prison P4#k5
in Boring at 2:66 am this morning. The warden of the prison. Mr.
J. Humphrey K. had this to say. "Phil was in the Laundry room when he,
using his vast genius intelligence, converted a lead pipe, salt and dryer
lint into a flame thrower and burned through the thin paper wall and ran
to freedom into a childrens school, directly behind the prison and ate
all of the food and left." It was said that he would be headed for
Oregon City, so today Leann Crandell was put into protective custody until
they catch phil. So the question is " where's Phil going?"
The Art of Sculpting Rabbit Fur
Today we will be talking about the very easy and fun way to sculpt the hair of a rabbit. The best way to start is to chase the rabbit around the yard for weeks until it has a heart attack. Then proceed to bury the lifeless corpse of the rabbit next to a tree. Six months later, dig the rabbit up and shave the rotting hair. Use wood glue and stick each strand of hair to the glue. When you have finished then just throw away, it's that simple.
Celebrity Chat w/ James Christiansen
"Guest: Chuck Norris"
Hello and welcome to another great issue of Celebrity Chat, todays special guest star is the one and only Chuck Norris, star of the somewhat ok show, Walker, Texas Ranger and martial arts expert. Hello Mr. Chuck and how are you this happy day? Chuck "I'm just fine today, so what do you mean by somewhat OK show?" Well it could be better you know, I mean the writing isn't very good, the production is ok at best and whoever directs it is terrible. Chuck" I direct the show, you know what I was warned by Wayne"the Rock" and Bob Dole, But I thought they were lying, but now I see you are an idiot." Well that was mean and I don't like mean people, Chuck " Stop hitting me with your sock Mr Christiansen, That's it I'm leaving" CHICKEN! "BAMMMM" I can't believe that You kicked me Chuck, the wimp just left I guess I will end this here.
Great Things in Scotish History
Four Leaf Clover
The four leaf clover was invented by the scotish people in 930 ad for good
luck after we killed and ate all of those Leprechauns (Lep-re-cons) and
squashed all of the magical Pixies(fairies). These special green
weeds bring good luck and make you smarter. And yet I still do not care
about that cast down the Aeh!
Wally the Great
"Series Premiere and Finale"
Hello, this is the first and unfortunately the last column of this great
column. Today we will be talking about my acting career. I
first started my act........................................... THIS COLUMN
HAS BEEN CANCELLED DUE TO LOW RATING, AND THAT WE DON'T LIKE WALLY!
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Announcement: Henry King was shot
IRS: Internal Revenue Ser-
and the legendary Herman Golly was
vice has just released a new
killed suppossedly by the great Phil
budget for needed things
The Janitor. He was arrested but he
around the U.S. $2 million
is the only one who can solve the
to move an old lighthouse,
mystery of the shooting. And you
$50 million to wash a new
can help free Phil, just contact the StJ
car and $5.00 for the Res-
"Save the Janitor" website @ http
earch for the cure to AIDS.
http:www.savephil/StJ/224/kitty/