Author: BlueLight
Rating: G
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon
and Mutant Enemy.
Blurb: Spike leaves a final message for Buffy.
Distribution: Fine, just let me know where.
Reviews, constructive criticism requested.
Feedback: Please.
Buffy, Xander and even Willow met them at the airport when
they came back from England but they hadn't really talked,
not at the airport and not on the ride home. It was too uncomfortable.
Now it was a couple of days later and Buffy was waiting at
the Magic Box, hoping catch Giles and ask him about the change.
Buffy looked up as Giles and Spike came in. Spike. Should
she even call him that? They exchanged Good Mornings and Spike
continued on into the back of the shop where he had set up
a study site. She gave Giles a half-hearted smile and then
asked, "How is he?"
"Better, better," Giles answered. "The weeping has stopped
and he's adapting."
A soul. Spike with a soul had meant Spike tortured worse
than Glory had tortured him. Except this wasn't Spike. Just
like Angel wasn't Angelus. This was someone else, someone
new.
"Being in England was a help. The Council was able to provide
much need advice and expertise. But he didn't want to stay
in England. Too many memories. Too many of Spike's memories,
" Giles continued.
"What's he like?" Buffy asked.
"Well, for one thing, he's much quieter. You could hardly
shut Spike up but this one is very quiet. Too quiet. I think
he's basically shy and deeply introverted. Whatever Spike's
faults were, and I'm sure we all recognize he had many, he
did have a certain joie de vivre. Now he doesn't. Between
the guilt and a deeply sensitive nature there's not much of
Spike's exuberance left."
The person whom they had been discussing had come up behind
them. He politely cleared his throat to let them know he was
there then turned to her and asked, "Buffy, may I speak to
you a moment? In private?"
He stood waiting quietly. No jokes. No arch looks. No Spike.
"Sure," Buffy said and followed him into the back. Giles
looked after them sadly then turned to his own tasks.
Once they were alone, he turned to face her, saying, "There
is something I have to tell you."
"What?" Buffy asked, her curiosity getting the best of her
as she watched his face for some sign of the Spike she knew
so well.
"I may not be Spike but I have his memories. A lot of those
memories are not pleasant even though he remembered very few
of his kills. He gave feeding little thought and felt no remorse
over it. Spike was a vampire and he lived as a vampire for
120 years. He regretted his vampire life less than you regret
your last hamburger," he paused. "But then there was you."
Buffy blushed, thinking of some of the things he might be
remembering.
"It's strange that after so long an existence so many of
his memories, so many of my memories now, are of you. I think
he must have squirreled away a memory of every moment he ever
looked at you, every second he ever spent with you, every
word you ever spoke to him and even every thought he ever
had about you, and put it all in a permanent library, an archive
labeled 'Buffy.'"
Buffy felt her heart began to ache as William turned away
from her, looking out the window toward the sunlit alley behind
the store. Then he sighed and turned back.
"All of the pain and remorse he felt was about you. When
he went to the demon for a soul, the soul that effectively
ended his existence, he knew what he was doing. He knew that
he was committing suicide but he felt it was the only way
he could make amends. He knew he would die of his new soul
but before he did he left a message for you, left it spread
through so much of his brain that I couldn't avoid finding
it."
"He wanted me to tell you that he loved you and that he was
sorry."
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