Could incest have happened to you?
"POST-INCEST SYNDROME" IN WOMEN:
THE INCEST SURVIVORS' AFTEREFFECTS
CHECKLIST
by E. Sue Blume, C. S. W., Diplomate in Clinical Social Work
18. Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality
issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/ compulsive behaviors (attempts to
control things that don't matter, just to control something!); power/ sex
confusion
19. Guilt/ shame/ low self-esteem/ feeling worthless/ high
appreciation of small favors by others
20. Pattern of being a victim
(victimizing oneself after being victimized by others), especially sexually; no
sense of own power or right to set limits or say "no;" pattern of relationships
with much older persons (onset in adolescence); OR
exaggerated sense of entitlement; revictimization by
others (adult sexual violence, including sexual exploitation by bosses and
"helping" professionals)
21. Feeling demand to "produce and be loved;"
instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants;
relationships mean big tradeoffs (" love" was taken, not given)
22.
Abandonment issues; desire for relationships with no separateness; avoidance/
fear of intimacy
23. Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–
12 but may continue into adulthood), or a specific person or place
24.
Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell/ fear of its being revealed;
certainty that no-one would listen. Being generally secretive. Feeling "marked"
(the "scarlet letter")
25. Feeling crazy; feeling different; feeling oneself to
be unreal and everyone else to be real, or vice versa; creating fantasy worlds,
relationships, or identities (esp. for women: imagining/ wishing self to be
male, i. e. not a victim)
26. Denial: no awareness at all; repression of
memories; pretending; minimizing (" it wasn't that bad"); having dreams or
memories (" maybe it's my imagination") (these are actually flashbacks, which is
how recall begins); strong, deep,
"inappropriate" negative reactions to a
person, place or event; "sensory flashes" (a light, a place, a physical feeling)
without any sense of their meaning; remembering surroundings but not the event.
Memory may start with the least threatening event
or perpetrator. Actual
details of abuse may never be fully remembered; however, much recovery is
possible without complete recall. Your inner guide will release memories at the
pace you can handle.
27. Sexual issues: sex feels "dirty;" aversion to being
touched, especially in GYN exam; strong aversion to (or need for) particular sex
acts; feeling betrayed by one's body; trouble integrating sexuality and
emotionality; confusion or overlapping
of affection/ sex/ dominance/
aggression/ violence; having to pursue power in sexual arena which is actually
sexual acting out (self-abuse, manipulation [esp. women]; abuse of others [esp.
men]); compulsively "seductive," or compulsively asexual;
must be sexual
aggressor, or cannot be; impersonal, "promiscuous" sex with strangers concurrent
with inability to have sex in intimate relationship (conflict between sex and
caring); prostitute, stripper, "sex symbol" (Marilyn Monroe), porn actress;
sexual "acting out" to meet anger or revenge needs; sexual addiction;
avoidance; shutdown; crying after orgasm; all pursuit feels like violation;
sexualizing of all meaningful relationships; erotic response to abuse or anger,
sexual fantasies of
dominance/ real rape (results in guilt and confusion);
teenage pregnancy. Note: Homosexuality is not an "aftereffect!"
28. Pattern
of ambivalent or intensely conflictual relationships (in true intimacy, issues
are more likely to surface; in problem relationships, focus can be shifted from
real issue of incest). Note: Partner of survivor often suffers consequences of
Post-Incest Syndrome also (especially sex and
relationship issues).
29. Avoidance of mirrors (connected with invisibility,
shame/ self-esteem issues; distorted perceptions of face or body)
30. Desire
to change one's name (to disassociate from the perpetrator or to take control
through self-labeling)
31. Limited tolerance for happiness; active
withdrawal from/ reluctance to trust happiness (" ice = thin")
32. Aversion
to noise-making (including during sex, crying, laughing, or other body
functions); verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words);
quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard
33. Stealing (adults); fire-starting (children)
34.
Multiple Personality "disorder" (often hidden)
35. Food sensitivities/
avoidance based on texture (mayonnaise) or appearance (hot dogs), which remind
the survivor of abuse, or smell/ sound which remind survivor of perpetrator;
aversion to meat, red foods.
36. Compulsive honesty or compulsive dishonesty (lying)
37. Hypervigilance regarding child abuse, or inability to see child abuse,
or avoidance of any awareness or mention of child abuse; tendency to develop
relationships with incest perpetrators
Note to therapists and others: Many of these
"aftereffects" can be the consequence of other problems that
occur in early
life. There are, however, some items which nearly always indicate childhood
sexual abuse,
and when one experiences over 25 of the items on this
checklist, incest should be strongly suspected.
Proceed with caution!
(Survivors and partners, be gentle with yourselves— and each other.)
Revised: February 1993
Copyright © 1985– 2000 by E. Sue Blume. All Rights Reserved.
E. Sue Blume's book based on this list, Secret Survivors: Uncovering
Incest and its Aftereffects in Women, is available as
a Ballantine
paperback (ask at your bookstore) or in hardcover by special order from the
author. Your thoughts on this material
are also welcome.
P. O. Box 7167
Garden City, N. Y. 11530
Offices in Freeport:
(516) 379-4731
