I was born on June 2, 1954 in a small town in Ontario, called Palmerston. As far as I know, I was a healthy child except that I was born with trench mouth (that's an infection in the mouth). Because of this, and because my birth mother was having a difficult time making the decision to give me up, I was placed in a foster home for about a 6 week period.
Back in those days, when a child was put up for adoption, the birth mother had to provide an outfit for the baby to go to the adoptive family in. While most mothers provided only the necessities, a flannel nightie and a flannel receiving blanket, my mother didn't follow this pattern. She knitted a whole little outfit for me. I believe was her way of showing how much she loved me and that all she wanted was for me to have a good life. A life that she did not feel at the time that she could give me.
Although these are minute details, in the overall picture, they became very important as I believed they showed the love and concern that my birth mother had for me. While our self worth can only come through the knowledge of how much God loves us and how much we mean to Him, in my youth these details became the foundation for which I built my self worth on.
I had a happy childhood. I have wonderful parents and down the road, I will provide links with their stories. I have one brother, also adopted, who is 14 months older than myself. He doesn't feel about his birth mother, as I do about mine, but again, that is another story for down the road.
I grew up in Guelph Ontario, that's just about 60 miles west of Toronto; a beautiful university city. We never lacked for anything; always took holidays during spring break and in the summer and travelled most of the eastern states and throughout northern Ontario and eastern Canada. My mother did not go to work until I was in grade 4; it was the year JFK was asassinated. At this point in my life, I did not appreciate my parents. As I look back on it now, it was such a shame because I have wonderful parents who wanted me, who loved me and who have supported me all through my life.
I also was priviledged to grow up in a family with a wonderful Christian heritage. In our youth, we don't appreciate what historic value that comes to us through our parents but, as we mature and age, hopefully we come to realize how precious our family upbringing can be. If you would like a glimpse into this heritage, a Tribute to my Mom, Marg McLean, has been written and will give you a glimpse as to this wonderful heritage that has been given to me and my family.
I was a happy wonderful child, always smiling, always talking, friendly, happy - who could ask for anything more! As I continued to grow and mature into a young lady, my self confidence and self assurance began to diminish. Only upon looking back at it after some years, have I been able to fully understand why. You see, as I grew and physically matured, my dad didn't know how to grow with me. He didn't know how to continue to hug me and be physical with me in the way that he had when I was little and to me, his physical hugs were something I very much craved.
I was a good kid into my mid-teens then my self-esteem plummitted; my belief in all that I could do crumbled; my self worth became worthless. In a very short time, I went from riding the top of the waves and being the sunshine in each day, to feeling that nothing mattered, that no one really cared about me. I allowed circumstances along the way continue to fuel my ever growing desolate soul. All the years of Church, Sunday School, Christian camps, supposedly personal faith in Jesus did nothing for me now except to fuel my anger, hurt and resentment. And yet I continued on this downward path, through depression, through suicide attempts, through drugs, through bargaining with the devil, through retreat from society, friends, family and loving support and inspite of care by psychologists until one spring night in 1973 I cried from my bed, "Okay God. I don't believe - but..." and, God answered my cries.
The change in my life was so quick and so drastic. I still doubted many things, most of all peoples' sincerity, and this is an area that I have continued to battle all of my life. But, while the road has not been all smooth, it has been one that I have not walked alone. I learned to get my 'eyes' off of people, off of those who were hypocrits, off of those who had not lived up to my expectations, off of people but onto the Lord. As my life began to change, my strength came from the Lord Jesus Christ. He can be your strength too, if you will take your focus off of people who proclaim to be ..... (you fill in what people proclaim to be for you), and put it in the One who IS. In fact, Jesus is the ONLY one who can meet your expectations and if you let him, He can and will give you the strength you need to change the course of your life, you just have to 'ask' Him.
As I was going through this rough period in my life, I had many unkind thoughts towards my maternal mother and father. I'm sure that there are many others of you who are also searching for your birth parents, who have had similar feelings. The change for me came when I actually began to think about what I knew about my birth mother and as I did, I began to see the signs of a loving young woman who did what she thought was best for her child. I hope that I will someday be able to tell her face to face, how much I appreciate the sacrifice she made in order that I could have a good life. Thank you bMom.
There have been times in my life when I wanted to find my mother and as for most of you, these were at strategic times in my life: when I turned 20 - because my mother was 20 when she had me; when I got married - I wanted her to know that I was all grown up and had turned out okay; as I had each of my 3 children - I wished she could know the joy they gave me; as I turned 40 - realizing that she would now be 60 - hoping that I will have the chance to find my birth mother before it is too late. I'm sure others of you have had similar feelings, and so we search for our birth parents, and God willing, more of us will find them before time runs out.
Well, my life has not all been great but then no one's life is perfect. We all have our own particular mountains to climb and valleys to go through, but it is how we go through life that counts. For me personally, I came to realize that life was not worth going through on my own and it has only been since Jesus came into my heart, that I have been able to slowly build a new and a better Minnie with Him as my cornerstone. Searching for Jesus in my youth, has in many ways prepared me for searching for my birth parents now that I am older. As you and I continue our searching, my prayer for you will be that you will find all that you are looking for and I also pray that you will realize that you are who you are, not because of someone who gave birth to you; but because of someone who died for you, on the cross of Calvary. And if we don't get to have a reunion with our birth family while we or they are alive, we can still have the assurance that we will have a reunion with the One who is our foundation, when we all get to heaven.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. You can read more about my adoption and what I've learned by clicking here. You can also read more about the spiritual side of my life by clicking here.
Let me ask you this... if you were to die at this moment, what would happen to your soul? If you have to think about it, I would urge you to repeat the simple prayer below...but remember, you must be sincere.
A Simple Prayer: Jesus, I admit that I am a sinner. I believe that you are the Son of God. I believe that you died and rose again from the dead on the third day. Come into my heart. Forgive me of my sins and fill me with your Holy Spirit. Thank you for loving me, and for forgiving me of my sins. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen
My friend, if you were sincere in saying this prayer and if you would like to know more, I urge you to click here to obtain more information and to have many of your questions answered.
God bless you in your search and if there is anything that I can do to help you, don't hesitate to e-mail me. I would be delighted to hear from you.
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