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The Joy of Cats
By Trish Simpson
Originally published in "The Scratch Sheet," December 1986

Wild FellowAfter living with cats for most of our lives, we've come to realize that there are certain aspects of a cat-owner's life that other less blessed (or beleaguered) people cannot experience. Such as the Alarm Cat. This is the cat whose internal alarm has been permanently set for 3:00 a.m. Fire, earthquake, Daylight Savings Time, or threat of bodily harm cannot dissuade this cat from marching around on faces, purring, and licking you in the nose hours before anyone in his right mind is ready to get up. The Alarm Cat finally settles down and becomes comatose five minutes before the real alarm clock is set to go off.

Then there's the Killer Hairball. What could be more delightful than to get out of bed and step in a wet, cold hairball? Unless it's putting on the shoe that someone mistook for a litter box.

And never forget the cat who waits until the middle of a dinner party to toss up about five pounds of partially-digested cat food at the guest of honor's feet.

And how about the cat that sleeps in the linen closet. It doesn't matter how tightly one shuts the door, that cat manages to get in. Mike particularly appreciates this trick when, at 5:30 a.m., he reaches in to get a clean towel to dry his face after shaving, and ends up with a wet face full of cat hair.

And let us not forget claw-clipping. A strong man gets his face scratched down to his brains attempting to hold one fat, black cat so I can clip claws. This is the same cat that small boys can lug around under their arms; just don't approach her with nail clippers!

And there's the queen who tells you in no uncertain terms, at 4:00 p.m., that she's going to have her kittens NOW! She finally has them at 6:30 the next morning. That's fine, except whenever you dozed off during the vigil she howled, jumped on your face, and pushed. Nothing like a cat digging her back claws into your forehead to wake you right up!

And not realizing that there's something disgusting in the shower until you've turned it on and gotten in.

And the kittens who decide you're the Matterhorn, especially when you're wearing shorts.

And Death Cat! This is the cat that rushes between your legs at Mach III when you're walking along carrying a full tray, or who lies across the stair in the dark.

And Sara Bernhardt Cat, who goes into a decline and won't speak to you for three days just because you've gone out for the evening.

And how about the other side of the coin, like the cat who curls up on your pillow and purrs you to sleep, and the warm, comforting cat that lies next to you when you're feeling poorly, and the happy, delighted-to-see-you cat that greets you at the front door when you come home from eight hours of work and two hours on the freeway, and the wiggling, blessedly healthy newborn babies nuzzling your hand, and the purring, trusting queen, totally confident that you will help her through her labor and delivery?

Living with and caring for cats means never being lonely, never being bored, never feeling unwanted or unneeded. A cat provides a reason to get up in the morning to someone who otherwise might not. They teach our children gentleness, compassion, and patience. They give us peace when we're harassed, love when we're depressed, and amusement when we're happy. But perhaps most important, they judge us not for what we would wish to be thought, but for what we really are. If a cat loves you, it's not for what you have, or what you can give, or what you try to be, but for what you are. God bless them all!

(The cat pictured on this page is WCF World Champion Wild Fellow Kojak of Helkenberg. Birthdate: 27 March 1994; Owner: Waltraud Vogel; Breeder: Wiemann/Fischer)

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