Disclaimer: The following material contains topics which some people may find offensive. Reader discretion is advised (But hey, if you read something that you find disgusting or awful,why don't you just stop reading?)

I am a student, and I am always apprehensive about going up the stairs of my school building (or any flight of stairs, for that matter). You may think it irrational--but wait till I explain.

You see, I am not a tall person. I stand 5'1.75", to be exact (without high heels, that is). Everytime I ascend the stairs (usually in between classes), I tend to look "up" to where I'm going. Unfortunately, I always find myself looking straight at another person's butt! Now, some of you may find this highly "entertaining"--

But I just keep thinking, "WHAT IF THIS PERSON FARTS?!?"

Or worse yet, "WHAT IF S/HE HAS DIARRHEA AND KEEPS ON FARTING?!!?"

I wouldn't want to suffocate and hit my head as I tumble downstairs!!!

One solution to this, you may say, is that I try to keep my head down (that is, not look up).

I tried this, and ended up bumping into the guy's butt when he suddenly stopped. Imagine if he had "let one go" right at that moment. . .I'd probably be in a coma right now.

Another solution you may suggest is to keep my distance. Unfortunately, I don't want to be cursed by the people behind me who are rushing to their next class.

And so there you have it, hooray for elevators.

Disclaimer: The following contains somewhat irrational ramblings; reader discretion is advised.

Thinking about marriage may seem romantic to some people; but to me, it's a dreadful thing because I DO NOT want to share my blanket with others. ("What?!" you say?)

You see, I like to sleep with the blanket over my head. I feel that I'm breathing "warmer" air so that my nose doesn't hurt. Marriage means that I'd have to share ONE blanket with my spouse . . . with my head still under the covers. I hate the thought of this because --

PEOPLE FART WHEN THEY SLEEP!!!!! (They do!) They may not recall doing so, they may deny it, but it's TRUE!!! They may even do it unconsciously (and uncontrollably!!!) during a 15- minute nap!

What am I to do if my spouse does this during our honeymoon?! Heellpppp!! I don't want to die during my sleep . . . (sob)

And that's why I'm scared of getting married.