The Byer Family Resource

More Mild Jokes

Dumb Men Jokes
14 Great Ways to Handle Stress
Is Your Computer Male or Female?

Dumb Men Jokes

1. Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?

So men can understand them.

2. What is the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

3. Why is a psychoanalyst a lot quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he was already there.

4. What is the difference between Government Bonds and men?

Government Bonds mature.

5. What did God say after he created man?

"I can do better than this!"

6. How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook--they eat; we clean--they dirty; we iron--they wrinkle.

7. What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?

Put the rmote control between his toes.

8. How do men exercise at the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

9. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?

Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

10. What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?

A hot dog and a six-pack.

11. How are men like noodles?

They are always in hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

12. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

When the crew gets lost in space, at least the woman will ask for directions.

14 Great Ways to Handle Stress

1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.

2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.

3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

4. When someone says "Have a nice day!", tell them you have other plans.

5. During your next meeting, sneeze then suck the phlegm back down your throat.

6. Make a list of things you have already done.

7. Dance naked in front of your pets.

8. Put your toddlers clothes on backwards and send him/her off to preschool as

if nothing was wrong

9. Go shopping.

10. Drive to work in reverse.

11. Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal messages.

12. Start a nasty rumour and see if you recognize if when it gets back to you.

13. Bill your doctor for the time you spend in his/her waiting room.

14. Get a box of condoms, then wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the

cashier where the fitting rooms are.

Is Your Computer Male or Female?

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (eg. "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reason to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is

incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as "If you don't know

why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you!".

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your

paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer,

you could have obtained a better model.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

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