A Solemn Eve

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"Abby was very quiet at dinner tonight.  Isn't she feeling well?"
As he spoke Joseph Turner stood and walked over to his
chair by the old fireplace. He immediately buried his
attention in the evening paper.

"I think she's still upset about seeing some homeless people today.  
She seemed confused and hurt for them. It kind of bothered me, too.
I feel sorry for them."

Catherine began clearing the table anticipating some sort of
response from her husband, but only heard the shuffle of
his newspaper.  Disappointment stung her inside and she knew
it would be a waste of time to repeat anything.  After she finished
the dishes she went upstairs to see if Abby was feeling any better.

Abby always helped her through the sadness about Joseph. 
His coldness had only worsened since the death of their son
last year.  And she and Abby had felt it more and more since
the holidays had begun again.  How could they survive a
Christmas without Shane?

"Abby?" Catherine knocked lightly on the door.

"Yes, Mommy?"

"May I come in?"

"Sure, come on in."

Abby was sitting at her little desk.  It wouldn't be long before she would
need a real desk. She was growing so fast.  Catherine could hardly believe
she was already in the first grade.

"Whatcha' doing?"

Abby held up a white piece of paper with crayon marks on it.
The marks were actually pictures of stick men lying on the ground by
what seemed to be a big wall.

"What are those, Abby?"

"They're those bums we saw today. But they're sleeping now or
maybe they're even dead, Mommy."
 
"Abby, why would you think they were dead?  Those people weren't dead."
Catherine sat down beside Abby at her little red table.

"Well, they must be.  If you stay outside, you die right?  
Daddy always said that if it weren't for him, I'd be on the
street probably dead somewhere."

The cruelty of her husband's arrogance rang in Catherine's ears as she
heard Abby utter those ridiculous words.

"As far as the 'bums', they may not get to live in a warm home like us,
but Jesus still loves them, just as much as he loves us.  And he
wants them to come to heaven someday, too, Abby, you're father doesn't
mean that if you live on the street you'll die. Listen, sometimes
your father says things he doesn't really mean.  He just  doesn't
think about things before he says them.  Please try to
be patient with him. Christmas is going to be hard for him."

"I know. It's Shane isn't it? Every time Daddy is grouchy and says
mean things, it's because he's sad about Shane.  I don't understand
why he gets mad at us, though. We didn't make him die."

"I know, sweetie.  Your Dad is still very hurt over Shane dying.
And now that it's almost Christmas again, it hurts more.
Just try to be understanding.  Do you know what that means?"

"Yeah, sure.  It means I need to love him even when it feels like
he doesn't love me? Right?"

"Yes, Abby.  Just like Jesus loves us.  He is understanding even
when we make mistakes and act as though we don't love him."

"I know, Mommy. Mrs. Parson taught us that in Sunday School.
I wish he wouldn't  be sad anymore. It hurts my feelings too much."

"Yes, you do understand, don't you?  I love you Abby.  
We'll be okay, I promise."

Catherine kissed Abby goodnight and walked toward the door
with heartache overwhelming her.

"Mommy, does Jesus understand Daddy?"

"I don't think your father knows who Jesus is, dear.  I think that's
why he is still hurting so much over Shane.  Jesus would
help if your Daddy would let him.  But he won't talk about God
or church. Good night, Abby. I love you."

Abby stared at her picture for a second and then knelt on
her little knees beside her bed.

"Dear Jesus in Heaven, please forgive me for not being a good
girl sometimes.  I will do better. Thank you for helping me. 
Jesus please help those 'homelesses' people.  And please help my
Mommy not be sad over Shane and Daddy.  And I hope you
keep being understanding for Daddy. I'm sorry he doesn't know
who you  are.  Can you please help him find out who you are?
I love you Jesus.  Thank you for Daddy and Mommy and me and our warm
house. In Jesus name, Amen."

Catherine cried softly in her pillow, her heart aching for Shane, and
for her husband, but more for Abby who seemed to get the brunt of
everyone's pain - including her own.