A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
Ogden Nash (1902 71), U.S. poet. A Dog's Best Friend is his Illiteracy, in The Private Dining Room (1953).
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain (1835 1910), U.S. author. Pudd'nhead Wilson, ch. 16, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894).
Extraordinary creature! So close a friend, and yet so remote.
Thomas Mann (1875 1955), German author, critic. Stories of Three Decades, "A Man and his Dog" (1930; first published 1919).
If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater . . . suggest that he wear a tail.
Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. Social Studies, "Pointers for Pets" (1981).
Near this spot are deposited the remains of one who possessed Beauty without Vanity, Strength without Insolence, Courage without Ferocity, and all the Virtues of Man without his Vices. This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery, if inscribed over human ashes, is but a just Tribute to the Memory of BOATSWAIN, a Dog.
John Cam Hobhouse (1786 1869), British statesman. Inscription on the monument raised for Lord Byron's dog, Boatswain, in the grounds of Newstead Abbey, Byron's seat in Nottinghamshire. These lines have often been attributed to Byron, but a draft of a letter written by Hobhouse in 1830, quoted in: Doris Langley Moore, The Late Lord Byron, ch. 10 (1961; rev. 1976), shows that Byron decided to use Hobhouse's epitaph instead of his own: "To mark a friend's remains these stones arise/I never knew but one&emdash;and here he lies."
In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semihuman. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.
Edward Hoagland (b. 1932), U.S. novelist, essayist. "Dogs and the Tug of Life," in Harper’s (New York, Feb. 1975; repr. in Heart’s Desire, 1988).
The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.
Samuel Butler (1835 1902), English author. Note-books, "Higgledy-Piggledy" (1912).
Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world’s worship.
Ambrose Bierce (1842 1914), U.S. author. The Devil’s Dictionary (1881 1906).
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
Robert Benchley (1889 1945), U.S. humorous writer. Quoted in: Artemus Ward, His Book, Introduction (1964 ed.).
If a dog doesn’t put you first where are you both? In what relation? A dog needs God. It lives by your glances, your wishes. It even shares your humour. This happens about the fifth year. If it doesn’t happen you are only keeping an animal.
Mankind’s true moral test, its fundamental test (which lies deeply buried from view), consists of its attitude towards those who are at its mercy: animals. And in this respect mankind has suffered a fundamental debacle, a debacle so fundamental that all others stem from it.
Milan Kundera (b. 1929), Czech author, critic. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, pt. 7, ch. 2 (1984).
Love me, love my dog.
George Chapman: Widow's Tears, 1612. A proverb in the time of Saint Bernard was, Qui me amat, amet et canem meum (Who loves me will love my dog also).--Sermo Primus.
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
Snoopy
Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
Ann Landers
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Jeff Valdez
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.
Steven Wright
I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Steven Wright
The other day, I was walking my dog around my building... on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright
I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
Steven Wright
I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.
Jack Handey
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
Jack Handey
If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.
James Thurber
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.
Dave Barry
The dog was created specially for children. He is the god of frolic.
Henry Ward Beecher
Histories are more full of examples of the fidelity of dogs than of friends.
Alexander Pope
Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.
Martha Scott
Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.
Henry Wheeler Shaw
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window.
Steve Bluestone
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Andrew A. Rooney
My empty waterdish mocks me.
Bob the Dog
If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.
Andrew A. Rooney
The best friend man has in the world may turn against him and become his enemy. His son, or daughter, that he has reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and good name may become traitors to their faith. The money a man has he may lose. It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it most. A man's reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The people who are prone to fall on their knees when success is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure settles its cloud upon our head.
The one absolutely unselfish friend that man can have in this selfish world, the one that never deserts him, the one that never proves ungrateful or treacherous, is his dog. A man's dog stands by him in prosperity and poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground when the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only to be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to offer, he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if he were a prince.
When all other friends desert, he remains. When riches take wing, and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love as the sun in its journey through the heavens.
If fortune drives his master forth, an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him, to guard him against danger, to fight against his enemies. And when that last scene of all comes, and death takes his master in its embrace and his body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends pursue their way, there, by the graveside will the noble dog be found, his head between his paws, his eyes sad, but open in alert watchfulness, faithful and true, even in death.
Senator Vest, speaking to a jury about Old Drum, shot in 1869
Dogs give their human companions unconditional love and are always there with an encouraging wag of the tail when they are needed. The dog is indeed a very special animal.
Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Dogs: The Wolf Within
A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, big or small, young or old. He doesn't care if you're not smart, not popular, not a good joke-teller, not the best athlete, nor the best-looking person. To your dog, you are the greatest, the smartest, the nicest human being who was ever born. You are his friend and protector.
Louis Sabin, All About Dogs As Pets
If you don't own a dog, at least one, there is not necessarily anything wrong with you, but there may be something wrong with your life.
Roger Caras, A Celebration of Dogs
Our dogs, like our shoes, are comfortable. They might be a bit out of shape and a little worn around the edges, but they fit well.
Bonnie Wilcox, Old Dogs, Old Friends
A good dog deserves a good bone.
Proverb
We derive immeasurable good, uncounted pleasures, enormous security, and many critical lessons about life by owning dogs.
Roger Caras, A Celebration of Dogs
A watchdog is a dog kept to guard your home, usually by sleeping where a burglar would awaken the household by falling over him.
Anonymous
Never judge a dog's pedigree by the kind of books he does not chew.
Anonymous
No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.
Louis Sabin, All About Dogs As Pets
A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.
Anonymous
I am as confounded by dogs as I am indebted to them.
Roger Caras, A Celebration of Dogs
You always sympathize with the underdog, except when the other dog is yours.
Anonymous
Even the tiniest poodle or Chihuahua is still a wolf at heart.
Dorothy Hinshaw Patent, Dogs: The Wolf Within
"Say, what's the matter with that dog of yours? Every time I come near the water cooler, he growls."
"Oh, he won't bother you."
"Then what's he growling about?"
"He's probably a little sore because you're drinking out of his cup."
Mildred Meiers and Jack Knapp, 5600 Jokes for All Occasions
Even the tiniest poodle is lionhearted, ready to do anything to defend home, master, and mistress.
