DOG PROPERTY LAWS
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be
yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces
are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you
put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum
cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Neither does any dishes.
7. Both break wind shamelessly
. 8. Neither of them notice when you get your
hair cut.
9. Both like dominance games.
10. Both are suspicious of the postman.
11. Neither understands what you see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing
affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something
wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go
out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch
(and they never
laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. Dogs understand what "no" means.
10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN
1. A dog's parents will never visit you.
2. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes
on the floor.
3. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a
quick drink.
4. A dog never expects you to telephone.
5. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget
its birthday.
6. A dog does not care about the previous dogs
in your life.
7. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet
another dog.
8. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's
Day.
9. The later you are, the happier a dog is to
see you.
10. A dog does not shop.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG
1. If you stare at someone long enough,
eventually you'll get what
you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly
how you feel by
piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and
when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. When you do something wrong, always take
responsibility (as soon
as you're dragged out from under the bed).
7. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real
kiss.