Dagomiharad Dispatch

May 13 through May 19

National News

Forwaith Rocked by Terrorists

Just two months after the Hindu Center of New York was blown into pieces, another attack occurred that rocked the city of Forwaith. The Carmike Cinemas 30, which was hosting a huge crowd, mostly watching the opening Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. An estimated 567 people were killed in the bombing leaving 1003 injured. The source of the attack is unknown at this time, but a bomb is expected to have been the source of the attack. Authorities are letting out very little information on other knowledge of the attack. Investigators are looking into the matter to the fullest and are setting out a warning to the City on future attacks. “These attacks are just sick, how could someone get off on seeing Star Wars fans die?” moaned Sci Fi World owner, Jake Rumfield. Authorities are seaking the death penalty to the assasins.
-Meriodic Jolstern, Dagomiharad Dispatch

Egyptian Leader Murdered

Egyptian Political leader, Awadallah, Ahmed Al Sabahi was found dead in his home just last Thursday. He was one of the more powerful leaders and had planned on making a huge change in Egypt which would have loosened up several billion dollars worth of tax money. He was shot in the head from an unknown shooter outside of his house at approxmiately 12:06 AM Friday morning. It is suspected that an assasin, most likely using a sniper rifle was the killer. Whom the assailant could be is unknown at the time.
-Michael Robenstich, Dagomiharad, Dispatch

Serial Killings Plague Dagomiharad

A series of serial killings are rumored to have broken off in the city of Dagomiharad. Headless bodies of Akin Cuffee, Eric Young and Shaneka Simmons were found throughout the week. On each particular case, it was rumored that a few eye witnesses saw Mr. Cuffee and Mr. Young debating in Timberland Outlet, where later Monday evening Mr. Cuffee’s body was found with the entire shopping center’s windows destroyed. Mr. Young was later found in the Big Ass Park with his head cut off as well and a sharp sword found near his body. However, the sword did not match the blood stains on his body. However, Mr. Cuffee’s blood was in fact found on the sword found near Mr. Young. Either Mr. Young was the killer or the man who killed Mr. Young was the killer. There are no suspects at this time. Ms. Simmons was a local worker at FAO Schwartz. Most employees did not like her, “I saw her pick a fight with this poor girl earlier in the week. She was merely shopping and then Shaneka shoved her over for nothing. I had her written up for that, but I guess ultimately she was killed so the write up didn’t matter much, I guess. If I were that girl, I’d have wacked her too!” cried a fellow employee Emily Wyatt. The city alerts everyone in the city to be aware of people chasing you with sharp tools.
-Barry Blackwater, Dagomiharad Dispatch

Entertainment

Britney Spears to Perform in Dagomiharad

Pop star Britney Spears is set to perform a HUGE show at Uber Dome Coliseum on Friday, September 13th. She has apparently decided to perform a new hit which will be released in a single CD of “Boys.” She is performing the track for the first time ever. Tickets are $50 for the show. Britney is excited about returning to Dagomiharad for show spent part of her childhood here in Dagomiharad performing in the Mickey Mouse Club. “I’m so excited, I have a lot of old friends who are going to be here, and I’m ready to put on the best show I’ve done on the whole tour! I hope there is a big turn out, this is going to be show to remember!” exclaimed Ms. Spears who recently split up with boyfriend Justin Timberlake of N’Sync. Tickets are still available.
-Bridget Jones, Dagomiharad Dispatch

Shuttle Take off from Raymesh Space Center

The Great Escape will be taking off from Raymesh Space Center on Wednesday September 11th. Many celebrities are scheduled to be there to watch the take off. It will be taking off at 2 PM in the afternoon and all visitors are allowed to come and watch the shuttle take off. Tickets are $10 for adults and $6 for children. The Great Escape will be taking a group of 6 to the moon.
-Larry Stankojonk, Dagomiharad Dispatch

Sports

New York Yankees Visit Dagomiharad Flapjacks

The New York Yankees will be in town to take on the third placed Dagomiharad Flapjacks in a series of three games. The first place Yankees will be in town on Tuesday the 10th of September through Thursday the 12th of September. Don’t miss these games.
-Crystal Cullison, Dagomiharad Dispatch

WWF to Dagomiharad

The World Wrestling Federation will be stomping into Dagomiharad Monday September 9th for a huge event. The event will be Monday Night RAW and will hold many of the biggest names in the sport such as Rob Van Dam, The Rock, Chris Benoit, the Undertaker and many more! Tickets still available!
-Eric Cessler, Dagomiharad Dispatch

That’s the news for this week, tune in next week to see what else happens in this crazy city!