I can't believe I watched the whole thing! While last year's ceremony had a subtle reason to run long (a sly tribute to Titanic), this year's party raged on and on. And the funny thing is, the only portion of the festivities I could have done without was Whoopi's monologue. I know by know you've seen dissection after dissection of everything that happened Sunday evening. But then again, it's really easy to take pot shots at such an established creature as Oscar Night. So here is a run down of the best, worst, oddest, most poignant, and everything else Oscar...
Best Line: "It's an honor just to be nomin ... oh
God!" -- Jim Carrey
Some booed Carrey's sour grapes remarks, but it was still funny
as hell.
Worst Line: Whoopi's gratuitous use of the S-word.
And I don't mean "Shakespeare".
The "It's a Good Thing George C. Scott Didn't Say It" Line:
"I want to be Jupiter and lie down in the firmament and make love to
everybody." -- Roberto Benigni
The best, most outlandish line, Roberto's semi-English ramblings was
the best acceptance speech since Cuba Gooding Jr's outbursts.
Most Out-of-Place Line: "You know how DeNiro feels
about rats." -- Chris Rock
I know how he feels about gangsters, boxers, hit-men, and Italians in
general. But I've never seen DeNiro's take on scurrying rodents.
Most Understated Acceptance Speech: Judy Dench. Downplaying her win based on the fact that she only had 8 minutes of screen time was a class move.
Most Over-rated Acceptance Speech: Gwenyth Paltrow. Yes, Gwenyth is as beautiful as they come. But she seems too young to be gushing as if this were some sort of lifetime recognition award.
Most Under-rated Acceptance Speech: The Short Documentary winner gave a rousing pro-art speech about coming to America and following her dream. Her short, memorable appearance was a pleasant reminder of why the Academy should take time out of the telecast to honor these lower-profile artists.
Most Appropriate Speech: When Ryan's 4 sound directors accepted their award, the third man in line read his short list of names in rapid-fire style, and I didn't catch many repetitions from other lists. If you don't have anything new or important to say, say it fast.
Most Likely to Give an Acceptance Speech for Someone Else: The Mafia mentality was less than subtle as Scorsese and DeNiro lended their tough-guy personas to Eliza Kazan's award in an attempt to quiet the brewing protest.
Least Likely to Give an Acceptance Speech: Anyone connected to Patch Adams.
Acceptance Speech We Really Wanted to See: Terrance Malik refused to show because he's in a major tiff with the film's producers. It would have been great to see if the producers would have had to acknowledge Malik's work had The Thin Red Line won Best Picture.
Best Performance: Benigni was clearly the star of the evening. His enthusiasm was irreplaceable.
Worst Performance: Robert DeNiro's hair.
Most Well-Behaved Performance: Much was made of the possible outbreak during Kazan's award. But even those who chose to protest (Ed Harris, Nick Nolte) did so in a class fashion.
Best Dancing Performance: With apologies to Debbie Allen, Norman Jewisson's jig was much more fun.
Most Heartfelt Performance: John Glenn, with the Fame clock ticking, used the last of his 15 minutes to introduce clips spotlighting heroes.
Most Political Performance: Colin Powell continued to keep himself in the limelight by introducing Ryan for Best Picture.
Most Competitive Performance: Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston tried to out-diva each other and consequently trying to make the song listenable.
Best New Star: Trigger the Horse. Granted, it's pretty easy to upstage Val Kilmer, but the horse proved to have the star power that will last for years.
Best Tribute: Among her hits, Goldberg's tribute to Gene Siskel. It was nice to see the Academy take time out to honor someone who showed America how to appreciate movies.
Least Obvious Sign that Family Values aren't welcome in Hollywood: This was the first awards show in a long time where no winner gave thanks to the Lord.
Most Obvious Sign that Family Values aren't welcome in Hollywood: No Charlton Heston.
Least Welcome Trend: For the umpteenth time in a row, animated characters "presented" an award. Expect to see Star Wars critters next year.
Least Welcome Trend II: Granted, Frank Sinatra and Roy Rogers were entertainment giants that made an indelible mark on society and will be remembered forever. But so were many others who passed this year, and giving them their own tributes seemed a bit to self-serving.
Most Welcome Trend: Except for the aforementioned appearance from A Bug's Life, ABC kept in-company cameos to a minimum. Compare that to last month's Grammys, where every other presenter was a CBS regular.
Most Welcome Trend II: The idea of focusing on a minor category, in this case Costume Design. It's a great way to shine the spotlight on the lesser-heralded crafts.
Not as Surprising as You Might Think: I predicted that Roberto Benigni would get 2 chances to give an acceptance speech. My only flub was mixing up the categories.
More Surprising Than You Might Think: When the Greatest Moments in Movie History rolled on, it seemed like Something About Mary stuck out like a sore thumb.
Proof that the Academy Hates Old People: James Coburn was awarded Best Supporting Actor for a lifetime of work. But when it seemed that he would take a lifetime to thank everyone, the band started to play him off. The only other time the band played someone off was at the end, as Shakespeare was down to it's 47th producer saying thanks.
Proof that the Academy Loves Jews: Spielberg, Goldberg, Weinstein, Jewisson.
Best Costume: Whoopi as Queen Elizabeth. In a night of garishness, this one was way over-the-top.
Worst Costume: For inexplicable reasons, Geena Davis changed out of a classy gown into some sparkly see-through dud.
Best Stage Design: The Rotunda look was original and eye-catching.
Worst Stage Design: The backs of the presenters stands were too shiny, creating a belt-looking reflection of most of the men's tuxedos.
Worst News to Come Out of the Ceremony: Miramax proved it's not what the critics say, but how much money you spend telling them what to say.
Best News to Come Out of the Ceremony: Celine Dion is considering retirement.
Most Ironic Moment: Anne Heche's microphone going on the fritz during the rundown of the Technical Achievement Awards.
Most Welcome Moment: The End.