3 Hours Left : Hope and Sacrifice
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How much would you give for love?
How much *can* you give?
How much is too much?
***
“An-Paj? How is he?” The Master asked anxiously while the Healer examined the patient. Fear made him unwilling to release that tiny hand he held, afraid that if he let go, the tiny spark of life that lingered still would slip away beyond his reach.
“His lungs are getting worse.” The agony that flared in Qui-Gon’s eyes wrenched An-Paj’s heart. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, suddenly feeling all of his fifty plus years. There were days when he questioned his calling in the healing arts. To see so much suffering in one so young and being unable to do anything about it….. he wanted to rant at the heavens, throw a chair, even hurt those b*stards that did this. This anger he felt, it was almost like a physical pain that threatened to overwhelm him. Taking a deep breath, he released the all his feelings into the Force.
/Think. Don’t feel. Take control. You won’t help anyone if you break down now./
“Qui-Gon.” No reply. An-Paj sighed heavily. Right now, he was more worried about the Masters involved than their Padawans. Mace distraught and Qui-Gon, well, An-Paj refused to even contemplate how Qui-Gon would react if Obi-Wan ever…. No, this wasn’t the time for pessimism. Obi-Wan *will* make it. They’ll BOTH make it. He sighed deeply again. He has been doing that a lot in these past few hours. He put a hand on Qui-Gon’s shoulder, shaking him lightly to get his attention.
“Qui-Gon, listen to me. There’s still hope. The children are still fighting in there and as long as they’re not giving up, neither are we.” A mute nod was the only sign the Master heard him. Those haunted eyes never straying from Obi-Wan’s face, searching, searching tirelessly for something… anything…any signs that he might be getting better. Watching Qui-Gon like that, it became too much for this Healer who has seen his share of pain and suffering. An-Paj turned away, trying to regain his composure, his much needed serenity. Death was an enemy he fought everyday in battles he sometimes lost.
* There is no death, there is only the Force.*
How many times has he used that same phrase to comfort those left behind? Too many.
* There is no death. *
Would it comfort the Jedi Master in the next room, standing vigil over a young girl who may never swim again, never to experience her first kiss, never grace the universe with her gentle smile.
* There is only the Force.*
Tell that to he who was faced with the loss of a young boy whose intelligence and diligence for knowledge was surpassed only by his capacity to love.
* There is no death, there is only the Force.*
Somebody tell them. An-Paj cannot.
***
/Bant?/
Silence.
/Bant!!!!/
There was a spike of panic Bant made no reply. Obi-Wan had been on the verge of letting it all go, when he heard …
*Goodbye, Obi! I love you…..*
That gentle voice weakening even as his best friend said her farewells was enough to jerk him back into a suffocating reality. Almost immediately, the voices started assaulting him. Sleep, they said, pulling him under even as he struggled to reach the surface. Only the thoughts of Bant kept him from giving in. Bant laughing. Bant holding him as he cried. Bant with her gentle silver eyes. To lose her….
/No! I won’t lose her! Not to this place…./
Save her he must but to do that, he had to save himself from falling into the same abyss of oblivion. So, Obi-Wan fought. He fought with everything he had, determined to get past the misty curtain that shielded him from really knowing. He wrestled against a faceless bodiless opponent, one who drained his will to live. He fought to remember, to regain back memories that were rightfully his. He would not let himself be lost in this empty void.
Finally, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. And saw the In Between Place for what it truly was.
***
“An-Paj?”
“Yes, Qui-Gon?”
“How’s Bant doing?” The Master asked almost hesitantly. It was so easy for him to forget there was another child besides his own that was suffering through the same fate. Another life hanging in the balance. Another victim. And another who was grieving as much as he was.
A long silence ensued before the Healer answered. “She's worse off than Obi-Wan. She started slipping about 20 minutes ago. If we can’t turn her around soon, she’ll be one with the Force within the hour.”
“And Mace?”
“He’s doing… as well as expected.”
Another nod. Qui-Gon didn’t need any details about how his friend was doing. He knew the feelings intimately. The fear, the helplessness, the anger. The emotions were swirling in him, sucking him into the vortex of depression that threatened to break him. Only the need to be strong for this small pale figure he loved so much kept him sane. But even that was fading with each passing second.
***
He saw the truth.
He was still in the same gray wind-swept place. Nothing has changed. And yet, everything was different. No longer warm but chillingly cold. Not comforting but grotesque frightening with its dark shadows that devour light. He was no longer enticed by the voices but repulsed by the desperation in their tone. They wanted him but they no longer have a hold on him.
He could look beyond the curtain to see the cold gray tendrils that sucked all warmth and light from the human soul by stealing memories and identities. He could see clearly fathers, mothers, children, friends all succumbing to indifference, losing themselves in this desolate, cold place. And yet, in this bleak place, now that he was no longer blinded, he could easily see the light that was the path back to the land of living. His strength was fading but all he had to do was reach it. Just reach out his hand and he would be back in the safe embrace of his Master….
Bant.
Bant was fading. Literally fading. Obi-Wan could barely see her, her soul merely a thin outline against the grayness. She no longer had the energy to fight, the last of her strength used to say goodbye. The goodbye that pulled Obi-Wan from the same fate. No, he would never leave her here, wandering alone. Never. But, how was he going to save her? Yes, there was a way. Only, it needed him to….. no matter, no sacrifice was too big for Bant. None. Not even himself.
Closing his eyes, he reached inside himself. The battle for Bant’s life has begun.
2 Hours Left : A Fair Exchange
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*Beep* Beep*
Stroking Obi-Wan's spiky auburn hair with one hand, Qui-Gon let the rhythmic beeping comfort him. The other gently rubbing the skin on the boy's hand, trying to warm it. The motion was entirely for his own peace of mind as Obi-Wan never moved, never responded to his touch. But he had to do something, he had to keep trying to reach the presence in his mind. Even if he kept getting the empty silence. He had to keep trying.
/Hold on, Padawan. Just hold on./
"Qui-Gon? I have a bit of good news for once."
THAT got his full attention, even as he continued stroking his Padawan's hair. Hope surged wildly before he tapered it down.
"Yes?" That was about all he could manage without his voice shaking.
An-Paj gave him a look full with compassion before settling himself into a chair with a satisfied sigh. He wasn't as young as he used to be and his legs were aching after a day of almost non-stop standing.
"The crystals will be ready in 10 minutes." This was accompanied with a big smile.
"But I thought you said it would take 8 hours?" Qui-Gon gasped in surprise.
"Yes well.. suffice to say when the technicians knew what we needed the crystals for…. They gave it their all to try to speed up the process."
Qui-Gon was suddenly overcome with emotion. He was forcibly reminded that it was already past midnight. That would mean almost 7 hours of non-stop work without any rest. To do so much for some Padawan they've never met before… Looking up at the Healer with tears of gratitude in his eyes, he saw only understanding on the other's expression even as he tried to stammer out his thanks.
"The Jedi take care of their own, Qui-Gon. There isn't any need for thanks." Yes. Qui-Gon gave An-Paj a grateful look before turning his attention back to his fallen apprentice. He gripped the hand in his tightly, smiling for the first time in what seemed like eternity.
/You see, Padawan? Everyone's rooting for you here../
A gentle hand reached out to caress the pallid cheek.
/Just don't disappoint us all. Hang on. Just another 10 minutes. You can do it./
***
Opening his eyes, Obi-Wan knew it was now or never. There wasn't much time
left, Bant was rapidly fading and his strength was waning fast. If he did
not act now, they would both be lost. Obi-Wan shuddered. If he failed… No,
he must have faith. He has to succeed. He HAS to. The very idea of spending
eternity in this place…..
Obi-Wan forced that thought out of his mind. This was not the time to dwell on the negative. Taking a deep breath, he reached out ….
/D*mn!/
The Force was there. Around him as always. But for some reason, it danced just beyond his reach. Muttering another curse word, he tried again but the Force slipped through his fingers like water.
No! Failure was not an option. Bant's life depended on him.
/Focus, Obi!/
Using all his energy, he reached out again. Yes. Almost there. Just a little farther. Suddenly, the Force was in his grasp. /I did it!/ For a split second, he could feel the Force flow through him, bringing peace. Then, just as he was going to harness its energy…
PAIN.
***
Qui-Gon could hear the commotion coming from the next room, when Bant was
struggling for her life. Reaching out, his senses told him that her living
force was fading. Instinctively, his grip on his own Padawan tightened. If
Obi-Wan woke up and found his best friend gone….
"The girl?" Qui-Gon asked as An-Paj walked in.
An-Paj shook his head wearily. "It's too late."
"Even with the antidote?" The crystals have been administered almost 30 minutes ago but so far, there was still no change.
"The antidote may have neutralized the poison but her lungs just can't take anymore…." An-Paj sighed again. Losing the children was always the hardest. Like watching innocence die. "Healer Leona's with her now. And Mace." An-Paj looked up worriedly. "He's not taking this well."
An understatement, Qui-Gon knew. Watching your Padawan die… it wasn't something he wanted to experience. Not ever.
/Padawan. Come back to me./
***
It hurt. It really hurt. Taken by surprise, the pain made him release his
connection to the Force. Almost immediately, the pain receded, leaving him
shaking and heaving.
/I can't do this. I can't!/
But with one look at Bant, he knew he had to. No matter how much it hurts. He would NOT lose Bant because he couldn't stand a little pain. Like suffering the death of a thousand lashes is a little pain, he thought wryly. /I am a Jedi. I will not be a coward./
Gritting his teeth, he reached out once again. Dear Gods, the pain was agony. He felt like fire was consuming him from within, burning up every single cell of his body. Hurtshurtshurtshurts. Arrgghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! /All right, Obi. Stop whining and get on with it./ He told himself harshly, cataloging his pain and pushing it to a small corner of his mind. /Now!/
/Bant?/
As he expected, there was no answer. But Obi-Wan was not deterred. His goal was to save her and by the Force, save her he would. Giving up was not an option. He reached out to their bond, a bond that was sealed when a certain gentle silver eyed little girl punched a certain red-haired little boy for pulling her pigtails. It was still there, unraveling quickly, its jagged edges barely holding the bond together. Using the force, he grabbed the edges, fusing the threads together using the Force even as the pain threatened to shatter his control.
/Bant? Bant!!! Listen to me! Fight it! You're stronger than this! Fight it!/
/Hmm?/
/Yes! It's Obi! Fight it Bant!/
/Tired…can't remember../
/No! Don't forget. Remember! Don't forget!/
She was still fading, too weak to fight with nothing to hold on to, her memories nearly gone. There was only one thing left to do. But he was tiring fast, his energy reserves nearly gone. Could he do this and still have enough to save himself?
Save her, nothing else matters, his inner voice told him. He could not go on with life knowing he sacrificed another for himself. There was no other way.
/Listen to me, Bant. If you can't remember, let me show you. Let me show you the life you're about to leave behind./
***
"Healer An-Paj! Come quickly! The girl!"
"What is it, Leona?" The Healer sprang to his feet, running through the door to the next room.
"The girl, her vitals are getting better."
"But that's not possible. Her lungs.. they're gone."
" I know but it's like nothing I've seen before. One second she was dying and the next… she's not! I don't understand it."
The Healer examined the young girl in question and then after a long while, raised his face with an awed look on his face. The young one's Master looked at him with an almost pleading expression. An-Paj nodded and Mace Windu broke into a tired smile.
Bant was going to live.
***
Obi-Wan unearthed his mind, digging up every single memory he had of his
best friend and played it across the bond. The first time they met. Their
first argument. How she taught him to swim. A funny song they loved. Their
favorite halo-video. All the good times, and all the bad. He recounted
every single moment of laughter and recalled every single tear. He left out
nothing.
/Obi?/
Thank the Force, she was getting stronger. He couldn't keep this up much longer. The effort was taking much more than he had. The pain was returning with vengeance now, blazing through him.
/Reach for the light, Bant. Go!/
/I'll t-try../
/H-hurry Bant.. I can't hold on much longer../
He could see her reaching but it wasn't enough. She was too weak. So was he. Force, he was tired. All he wanted to do was to curl up and rest. /I can't reach it, Obi. I'm sorry./ He could see tears of regret in her eyes. /You shouldn't have stayed to save me. Now, we're both not going to make it. I'm sorry./
No! He swore he would save her. And he would keep his promise. He may not have enough energy to save them both but he had enough to save HER. Momentary regret and sorrow pierced his soul when he thought of his Master. Qui-Gon would be devastated, he knew. *I'm sorry, Master. I must do this. I can't let her be trapped here.* His mind made up, he started sending what was left of his strength to the girl that shared his soul.
/Obi! No! Don't!/ Wild panic as she realized what he was about to do.
/Tell my Master that I love him./ He whispered one last time, letting it echo through the bond before pushing her towards the light with all his might with the Force. Yes. She was safe. She was going to make it.
Peace came over him even as fatigue pulled him under He has done it. Yes. That would have to be enough. Tired. So tired now. He could offer no resistance, he had no strength left to fight. He stopped struggling, letting the darkness swallow him whole. Tired….
***
Just then, in Obi-Wan's room, the machines started screaming.
***
TBC
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