************
Qui-Gon was concerned, Obi-Wan had not said much since they returned home. Not knowing what else to do, Qui-Gon started on dinner. He wanted Obi-Wan to gain back all the weight he had lost.
The door chime to the apartment rang and Qui-Gon called out, "Padawan, could you see who that is?"
Qui-Gon heard the door open and heard voices. He knew that the voices belonged to Obi-Wan's friends, Bant and Garen.
Bant was saying, "Obi-Wan! I am so glad to see you! We were wondering if you wanted to go out to the gardens."
Garen added, "Yeah, we missed you. Ask Master Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon was about to call out his agreement went Obi-Wan stated, "Thanks, but Master wants me to stay indoors for now."
Qui-Gon was flabbergasted. He thought that Obi-Wan would of jumped at the chance to go out with his friends. Qui-Gon also thought it would do Obi-Wan a world of good. He listened as the other two padawans said their good-byes and then went into the living area.
Obi-Wan was seated on the window seat with his chin resting on his knees. He was looking outside at the pre-dusk traffic. Qui-Gon gently asked, "Why did you not go, Padawan?"
Obi-Wan did not answer, he just shrugged.
Qui-Gon took a step closer, "It would have done you good to get out. I think..."
Obi-Wan interuppted him and said sharply, "I just did not want to go! Is that a crime?" Obi-Wan's face then turned red, "I am sorry Master. I did not mean to be disrespectful."
Qui-Gon looked over Obi-Wan and sighed as he took in the shell of the boy who at one time was full of energy. This boy before him was too thin, there were shadows under his eyes which now carried a haunted look.
Qui-Gon decided it best to let the outburst of disrespect pass, "That's all right Obi-Wan. Are you hungry? I would like you to try to eat."
Obi-Wan went into the kitchen. He sat down and Qui-Gon placed a bowl of soup in front of him. Obi-Wan raised his spoon and took a bite. Immediately nausea raised, he faught to keep it down, all the while shielding from Qui-Gon. Instead he pretended he was cold. Qui-Gon saw this and said, "Let me get your cloak." As soon as he left the kitchen, Obi-Wan dumped his soup into the recycler.
Qui-Gon eyed the empty bowl, "Oh, finished already. How about some more?"
Obi-Wan said, "No thank you. I think I am full. May I be excused?"
**************
The next morning Qui-Gon took Obi-Wan back to An-Paj. An-Paj examined the boy and then asked him to wait out side. Turning to Qui-gon he said, "OK, what is bothering you?"
An-Paj listened to Qui-Gon intently. He then said, "I think Obi-Wan needs to see Master Nik-Ka, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon rubbed his beard, "Master Nik-Ka? I don't know An-Paj." Nik-Ka was another healer at the temple. Except he healed souls and spirits that had been broken. "Isn't he a little young to have to see a mind healer?"
An-Paj shook his head, "He was not to young to go through hell and back Qui-Gon. And it concerns me that he has not yet spoken to you yet of all that happened to him."
Qui-Gon defended Obi-Wan, "He wants to forget."
An-Paj agreed, "Yes, he wants to forget, but he can only do that when he accepts what happened to him. I am concerned Qui-Gon. For you and him. Maybe you should admit him again. I can..."
Qui-Gon was firm, "absolutely not. I will care for him. He needs to be with me."
An-Paj then said, "I do not dispute that Qui-Gon. But think about what I said."
**************
Later that night as Obi-Wan got ready for bed, Qui-Gon came in. Qui-Gon asked, "Can we talk about what happened to you Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan grew stiff. He shook his head and began to shake. Qui-Gon used the force to send reassurence through the bond, he then said, "You did well Obi-Wan. All the time you were there, you honored your training. You honored me. You did the Jedi proud."
Obi-Wan strugged. He did not believe Qui-Gon's words. He thought, If I did so well, how come I almost died? How come I was to weak to find my Master through the bond? How come Jaret got sold? How come our escape did not work?
Obi-Wan shielded these thoughts from Qui-Gon, to his master he said, "Thank you Master."
Little did Qui-Gon know, that the scars went much deeper then they appeared.
************
Obi-Wan managed to sleep that night with the help of the sedatives that An-Paj gave Qui-Gon. Qui-Gon did not like relying on drugs, but the tired look in Obi-Wan's face made him change his mind. Obi-Wan took the pill obidiently and he and Qui-Gon each had a cup of tea before Obi-Wan nodded off to sleep. Qui-Gon stayed until he was sound asleep and then he went to his own room.
The next morning Obi-Wan was to report to classes. Qui-Gon felt it best to start out slow. He was to have two classes in the morning and another in the afternoon. Obi-Wan did not feel comfortable going to classes. He wanted to stay in the safety of the apartment. Something told him to tell Qui-Gon everything he had been feeling, but he hid the feelings and threw his breakfast away when the master was not looking. He then went to class.
The first class was Galactic history. One of his favorite subjects. But the Master teaching the course was an impatient one. Obi-Wan got to class just as the door shut and when he entered all eyes were upon him. He stood there for a moment,and the instructor barked, "Well sit down Kenobi! We can't wait for you all day!" The class snickered, and Obi-Wan quickly took his seat.
It did not get any better either. Obi-Wan was ill prepared for the class. And the teacher let him know that, "Kenobi, if you are going to be in my class, the least you can do is be prepared."
Obi-Wan looked down at his data pad and whispered, "Yes, Master."
After that class, Obi-Wan had advanced lightsaber techniques. Obi-Wan entered the practice hall and inwardly groaned. There in the hall was Bruck and some senior Padawan's that followed Bruck's lead.
They snickered as Obi-Wan began to warm up, all but Bruck. Bruck had changed since he was chosen as a Padawan. And Bruck's Master happened to be a good friend of Master Jinn's, So Bruck knew first hand what Obi-Wan had gone through. He felt sorry for the fellow padawan, and did not want to cause him any pain.
One of the other Padawan's laughed, "He looks like he has been trampled on by a herd of banthas. I am going to spar with him, I will beat him so easy."
"Only because he is still weak from his ordeal." Bruck challanged.
The padawan responded, "Maybe, but I still want to kick his rear. My master will be pleased if I beat the Great Master Jinn's padawan in a sparring match."
Bruck tried to get teamed up with Obi-Wan for sparring, but Padawan Astly got his wish, and Bruck could only watch. When the match started, he held back nothing. Obi-Wan parried as best as he could, but was clearly no match for his opponent who was fit and healthy.
Obi-Wan left the mat nursing an ugly lightsaber wound on his left arm. The teacher asked him, "Kenobi, where is your concentration? You left yourself wide open."
Obi-Wan whispered, "I am sorry Master, I will do better next time."
The instructor said, "I hope so Padawan Kenobi. How do you expect to help defend your Master on missions when you can't defend yourself from a practice saber."
Those words ripped through Obi-Wan like blaster fire. This proves it, I am not worth anything.
Bruck tried to catch up with Obi-Wan after class, but the other padawan kept walking.
Obi-Wan started to walk to class, but at the last minute he changed his mind. Instead he went to the meditation gardens. Obi-Wan went to his private spot, a grove of large trees. He sat down, and knew that he was out of view. Obi-Wan shielded tightly, he knew Qui-Gon would be upset if he knew that he cut class. Something inside him told him to tell Qui-Gon his fears. His fear of the dark, of eating, of sleeping. But he did not want to seem weak. And that is what he thought he was, weak.
After the hour was up, Obi-Wan walked back home. He stepped in and Qui-Gon asked, "How was class?"
Obi-Wan lied, "Fine, Master."
Qui-Gon nodded and said, "Well let's be off to the healers. I want An-Paj to check that burn, along with some other things."
Obi-Wan tensed up, "What other things?"
Qui-Gon looked at him, "I am just concerned with your healing, Padawan. Do not be concerned."
But Obi-Wan was concerned, he was very concerned. He shielded even more tightly. He almost missed Qui-Gon saying, "After, we are meeting Master Kint and his Padawan for dinner."
Obi-Wan turned white, "Bu...but Master Kint's padawan is Bruck Chun."
Qui-Gon nodded, "I know, but maybe Bruck has changed."
Obi-Wan thought, This day is getting worse.
An-Paj looked at the burn on Obi-Wan's arm, he applied some bacta and the healing began. He then said, "How is everything going Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan fidgetted, "Fine Master."
"And your classes, they are going well?"
Obi-Wan looked at his arm and watched it heal, "Yes, they are great. Why do you ask?"
An-Paj knew that the boy was shielding, but he did not want to break the shields. He asked, "Is your appetite back?"
Obi-Wan looked at the wall, "Um, yeah, it is great. I am going to eat Master Qui-Gon out of house and home." Obi-Wan forced a laugh.
An-Paj considered this and nodded carefully, "Obi-Wan, you know that you can talk to your Master about anything, but if you can't you may want to..."
Obi-Wan got nervous, "Don't make him give me up, PLEASE!" Obi-Wan had to take deep breaths to calm down.
An-Paj was stunned, "No, Obi, he is not going to give you up. I just thought you may want to talk to Master Nik-Ka."
Obi-Wan was confused, "The mind healer? No, I would rather not."
An-Paj sighed, "All right Obi-Wan, but I want you to come back twice a day. No arguements. I am worried about you Obi-Wan, and I want to keep an eye on you."
****************
Obi-Wan was quiet on the walk to Master Kint and Bruck's quarters. He wanted to scream, to cry, to do anything to release this pent up emotion. He wanted to fall to his knees in front of his Master and tell him everything. But, not wanting to show weakness, he remained quiet.
Qui-Gon knew there was something wrong, and he knew it was not the fact that Obi-Wan had to spend the evening in the company of Bruck. Qui-Gon tried to look inside his Padawan's mind, but the shields prevented that. Qui-Gon wanted to sit down with Obi-Wan. Sit down and reassure the boy, break down the walls held up tightly in Obi-Wan's mind, but he could not do that. Obi-Wan had to come to him.
Qui-Gon rang the bell on the door and Bruck answered. He gave Qui-Gon a bow and said, "Master Jinn, Obi-Wan, please come in."
Qui-Gon returned the bow and said, "Thank you Padawan Chun." As soon as they stepped in Master Kint stepped out of the kitchen.
He shook Qui-Gon's hand and said, "Good to see you Qui, and you as well Obi-Wan."
Qui-Gon smiled and said, "Good to see you as well Darik."
Obi-Wan bowed to the master and said in a low voice, "Thank you Master Kint."
Master Kint then proclaimed, "I hope you are hungry, because I have made enough to feed the entire council."
Obi-Wan's stomach began to churn. His mind was going a mile a minute, How am I going to make it look like I am eating, when I am not?
Obi-Wan knew that this was not right. And that he should talk to Qui-Gon about his problem with eating, but he just tightened his shields and followed everyone into the kitchen.
If you asked Obi-Wan what was put on his plate, he probably could not answer. He took his place at the table. Qui-Gon and Master Kint sat on the ends, and the two Padawans sat on the side. The conversation was lively and soon Bruck was laughing hysterically at the antics of a young Qui-Gon and Darik. Obi-Wan managed to look like he was enjoying himself, but the laughter never reached his eyes.
Master Kint and Bruck just shrugged it off that the boy was still exausted from his ordeal.
After dinner, Master Kint said, "Qui-Gon, why don't we go to the living room while the padawans clean up?"
Qui-Gon nodded in agreement and Obi-Wan was relieved when the two Masters left the kitchen. Master Kint said over his shoulder, "Bruck would you please get Master Jinn the peace treaty for Hamint before you start cleaning?"
"Yes, Master."Bruck responded, he then smiled at Obi-Wan and said, "Be right back." Obi-Wan nodded and as soon as the close was clear he put the napkin that was on his lap on the plate. He then took some deep breaths to center himself.
It had been hard, but he had done it. He managed to hide the fact he was not eating at all. Taking his plate to the recycler unit he dumped the very full napkin out. He was not aware that Bruck was standing behind him until it was to late.
Bruck said, "You did not eat anything."
Obi-Wan shrugged, and Bruck continued, "But you have to eat, I am getting Master Jinn."
Obi-Wan then blurted, "No! Don't get him, he can't know."
By this time Bruck was confused, "But Obi-Wan, he needs to know. He cares about you. He has a right to know."
Obi-Wan then said, "But he will think I am weak, and I don't want him to think that."
Bruck knew that Obi-Wan had a self worth complex, and Bruck knew that he had a part in causing that. So he tried a different route, "Weak? How can you say that? You are not weak and Master Jinn knows that. Force, all the Masters know that."
He turned to leave, but stopped when Obi-Wan said, "I knew I could not count on you. You always use to look for ways to make me look bad."
Bruck turned around, "What does that mean?"
Obi-Wan challenged, "You just want to make me look weak. You want everyone to know how weak I am and how I don't deserve to be a padawan."
Bruck stepped closer, "That is not true Obi-Wan. I know that you don't trust me and that I don't deserve your trust. But I have changed. I want to honor the Jedi, like you did. I want to earn your trust, and I will start by not telling Master Jinn."
Bruck did not like the idea of keeping something like this from the Masters, but he had to earn Obi-Wan's trust. He silently made an oath to look out for Obi-Wan.
After the kitchen was cleaned, Bruck showed Obi-Wan his room. Obi-Wan was friendly but sceptical, "Why are you being nice to me?"
Bruck picked up a model space ship and said, "I was wrong for the way I use to treat you. I was scared."
Obi-Wan was intrigued, "Of what?"
Bruck sighed, "I was scared that I would never get picked. That I would go to the Agri-Corps or something. Then Master Jinn chose you and I was wild with jealousy. I was so angry. But then Master Darick chose me, and he has been keeping me on the right path ever since."
Obi-Wan said in a quiet voice, "Oh, he seems nice."
Bruck smiled widely, "Oh he is the best. I am so lucky. And so are you Obi-Wan. Master Jinn loves you as much as Master Darick loves me. And that is quite a bit of love. You should talk to him Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan tensed up, "Bruck, I don't want you to tell me what I should and should not do."
Bruck looked him in the eye, "I'm not trying to do that Obi-Wan. I am trying to make you see that you are strong. Stronger then I am, I could never have done, what you did."
Obi-Wan shrugged, "It was nothing, anybody could of did it. And I did not stop the suffering around me."
Bruck countered, " You have to be kidding me, You were only one Jedi Apprentice. You did what you could and that was alot."
Obi-Wan did not respond, and Bruck could feel the turmoil in the other boy who had let his shields down for a brief moment and then slammed them back into place.
Then there was a knock on the door, Qui-Gon stuck his head in and said, "Time to go Obi-Wan."
Obi-Wan nodded and got up. Bruck followed them into the living area. Qui-Gon said, "It was good seeing you Dar, I will be in touch."
Darick Kint bowed, "It was good to see you also Qui. I look forward to your assistence with this treaty."
Qui-Gon nodded and then turned to Bruck, "I am glad to see that you have changed for the better Padawan Chun. May the force be with you."
Bruck bowed, "And with you also Master Jinn. Bye, Obi-Wan. I will talk to you tomorrow."
Obi-Wan forced a smile, "Bye Bruck, thanks for everything. Good-bye Master Kint."
Bruck watched Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon leave, he was lost in thought. Darick asked, "What is troubleing you Padawan?"
Bruck replied truthfully, "I am concerned for Obi-Wan, something is not right."
Darick nodded, "I have sensed the same, but he is still not recovered, and you said he had a hard day with his morning classes."
Bruck nodded, he wanted to tell his Master everything, but he gave Obi-Wan his word and he could not go back on it. Instead Bruck said, "Good rest Master."
Darick squeezed the young man's shoulder, "Good rest Padwan."
************
Obi-Wan was laying in bed. Qui-Gon had given him the sedative, but it was not
enough. Obi-Wan creeped out into the kitchen and got another one, then another one. Finally, his mind and body started to calm down. Obi-Wan then went back to his room and fell into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, Obi-wan considered cutting his morning classes, but decided against it, Qui-Gon was going to go to the lightsaber class, he wanted to see how Obi-Wan was faring. Obi-Wan thought it was because of the lightsaber burn he recieved, Obi-Wan thought to himself, He does not think I am worthy of him anymore. He is going to replace me.
Galactic history class was a bit better, the instructor started to pick on Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan recited the battles of the Sith/Jedi war without fault, and the teacher left him alone for the rest of the time.
Next was Advanced lightsabers. Obi-Wan entered the class nervously. Padawans Astly and Heron smirked, but Bruck gave him a reassuring smile. Obi-Wan took his place and did not notice when Qui-Gon slipped in unseen by the class.
Again, Obi-Wan was teamed with Padawan Astly. Again, Obi-Wan had trouble parrying. Then just as Obi-Wan seemed to be getting the upper hand, he faltered. Qui-Gon started towards him, but before he could get to his student, Obi-Wan sank to his knees. Padawan Astly went for the kill and brought the training saber across his opponents back. Obi-Wan went flying across the mat.
Qui-Gon ran to the boy, "Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan, are you alright?"
Obi-Wan was dizzy, when he sat up the room started to spin. He grabbed his head and started to fall again, but Qui-Gon caught him. Obi-Wan then felt nauseous, but there was nothing in his stomach to come up, he just started to gag.
The other students started to snicker, but one look from Qui-Gon stopped them. Qui-Gon turned to Padawan Astly, "That was an unsportsman like move. I shall talk to your master."
Padawn Astly replied, "So what? He was pleased when I beat your Padawan yesterday, he will be pleased when he finds out I beat him today."
Qui-Gon turned to the instructor in charge of the class, "Is this how you train your students?"
The Master glared at Qui-Gon, "I teach my students to search out the flaws in their opponent. If your padawan cannot handle it, I suggest the innitiate class."
Obi-Wan had heard enough, he got up and fighting the dizzyness, he ran out of the room. He was vaguely aware of Qui-Gon and Bruck calling to him.
**************
Obi-Wan ran down the halls of the temple like an army of Sith were after him. When he knew for certain no one was following him he leaned against the wall. He was dizzy, he stomach hurt from not eating, the burn on his back from the practice saber was throbbing. Every part of him hurt.
He thought ruefully, I am not fit to be a Jedi, not fit.
Qui-Gon and Bruck searched for Obi-Wan to no avail. The bond was not working because Obi-Wan was shielding. Bruck was feeling guilty about not telling Qui-Gon what he knew.
Qui-Gon turned to Bruck, "I need your help in finding him."
Bruck nodded, "Master Darick will have me excused from class, I am certain." Bruck then turned and ran looking for his friend.
Qui-Gon was beside himself with worry, It is all my fault. I pushed him to hard, I should of not made him go back to class yet, I should of protected him more. I have failed him again.
*********
Some time passed and Obi-Wan was walking down the east wing of the temple. It
was the older part, and not many rooms were in use. Obi-Wan still felt dizzy. And his mind seemed to be playing tricks on him. He thought he saw out of the corner of his eye a Garicat, which was a small warm and fuzzy, loveable animal. It looked like it went into an open closet. But when Obi-Wan peaked in, he was roughly shoved inside and the door slamed shut behind him. It was then that he realized it was a mind trick.
On the outside Padawans Astly and Heron were laughing, Padawan Astly said, "I can't believe the loser fell for that one."
Padawan Heron added, "Hook, line, and sinker. Let's put a force field around it so he can't get out."
Obi-Wan was screaming, "LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!"
The Padawans laughed again, "Listen to him scream, lets go."
Obi-Wan was still screaming and pounding on the door, his hands were soon cut up and bloody. The closet was very small and very dark. And Obi-Wan hated closed in places as much as he hated the dark. Then he felt the heat. The closet happened to be next to the unit that heated the entire temple. The closet itself was not used because of how hot it got.
Obi-Wan sank to the ground trembleing with fright, he started to cry softly, "No, no, not again. Not again."
***************
Bruck was searching the gardens. He was about to give up there and move on to
another place, but laughing stopped him.
It was Padawans Astly and Heron. They were laughing so hard, tears were in their eyes. Bruck stepped forward and asked, "What is so funny?"
Padawan Astly gave him a look and said, "Something you would have found funny before, but not now. Not since you turned perfect.
Bruck stepped forward, "Does this have anything to do with Obi-Wan?" When the other Padawans did not answer, Bruck demanded, "I want to know NOW!
Padawan Heron said, "Ok sheeze, When did you start being such a proper padawan."
Bruck stood firm and replied, "When I realized what it was to honor my training instead of disgracing it. Now where is Obi-Wan?"
Astly shrugged, "He is fine. We locked him in the east wing's storage closet. You will find him safe and sound in there with a nice force field around it. He is too much of a loser to be able to break down the field." Again Astly and Heron started to laugh.
Bruck lunged and grabbed Heron, "If I would not disgrace all that Master Darick has taught me, I would beat the sith out of you. But I will leave that up to the Masters."
With that he ran to the east wing and found the closet in question in no time. Astly and Heron were right, there was a force field. And a strong one. Bruck called, "Obi-Wan?" There was no answer, but Bruck heard a terrified groan. Bruck then pulled out his com-link, "Master Dar?"
Immediatly his Master answered, "Yes, Padawan? Have you found Obi-Wan?"
Bruck answered, "Yes, please find Master Jinn and bring him quickly. We are in the east wing, the storage closet by the heating unit. Some Padawans locked him in. I am going to try to bring down the force field."
Bruck then ended communications and focused on the door. For a minute he thought he was going to have to wait for the Masters to arrive, but then the force field began to weaken. With one last surge of energy it dissipated. Bruck swung open the door and grimaced at the wave of heat that flowed out. He stepped inside and stopped.
There, huddled in a small corner, was Obi-Wan. His eyes were wide open but he did not seem to know that Bruck was there. Bruck crouched next to him, "Obi-Wan?"
Obi-Wan instantly went into fetal position. Bruck touched his friends arm and was surprised when he flinched. Bruck tried again, "Obi-Wan?" But Obi-Wan did not answer, he just rocked himself back and forth.
Qui-Gon and Darick raced down the hall that lead to the east wing. Qui-Gon could feel Obi-Wan's shields collapsing. He was floored by the broken images that flashed in his mind. Obi-Wan, I am on my way. Don't be afraid. But there was no response over the bond.
Qui-Gon came to a halt in front of the closet. Looking inside he saw his padawan. Qui-Gon almost fell apart at the sight of his apprentice curled up in a ball rocking himself for comfort, but he steadied himself, I have failed Obi-Wan to much already. I have to be strong for him. He needs to feel safe, that is my job.
Qui-Gon went in and scooped him up, Qui-Gon noted that he was even thinner then before, Gods, how could I not notice that? What kind of Master am I?
To Bruck Qui-Gon said, "Thank you Padawan Chun, I am grateful for you finding him."
Bruck nodded, "You are welcomed Master Jinn. It was Padawans Astly and Heron. They did this to him." Bruck felt anger raise up in him, and then he felt the hand of his Master on his shoulder.
"Calm down Bruck," Master Darick said soothingly, "The padawans will be dealt with."
Bruck nodded, and followed his Master and Master Jinn to the medical wing at the temple.
***************
TBC
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