Sharing of Dr. Eugene Wu

 

I am a doctor working on ward 8A at the Prince of Wales Hospital. I went to work as usual on the morning of the 10^th March and found that many staff and patients have been ill with fever over the weekend. On the evening of the 10th I got the fever myself. Three days later, I was called back to the hospital for review and was admitted into hospital. For the first time in my adult life, I was in the sickbed instead of standing at the end of it.

 

The fever was unlike any I had had before; it was high up to 40 degrees and unrelenting. I was disorientated and confused - sleeping 20-22 hours a day. In my more lucid moments, I saw others becoming ill, not being able to breathe and one by one they got moved down to intensive care. Seeing these things made me very frightened. I knew the disease will progress and could make me very ill and die. I thought of what I needed to complete before I die. I realized how unimportant most of these things I wanted to complete are in the face of death.

 

Finally, we decided to try steroids and Ribavarin and my fever settled after the first dose of steroids.

I awoke from this feverish state. I reached for my bible on the shelf and read from Ps 105:12 "When they were but few in number few indeed and strangers in it. They wandered from nation to nation from one kingdom to another. He allowed no one to oppress them for their sake he rebuked kings 'Do not touch my anointed ones'". I had a strong sense of God’s anointing. I felt that God has chosen me, chosen us at the Prince of Wales to be his people, to protect and guide us. I had the image of God placing one hand over us to guide and guard us while with the other hand God is pushing away nations, kings, enemies, viruses, illness. Not that as Christians we don't suffer, I had atypical pneumonia and David suffered under Saul for 10 years running and hiding in caves. But through this suffering God is with us, he is not asleep, he is not punishing us, he is not laughing at our tragedy, rather he is crying with us, he is working for us, he is holding us and comforting us.

 

I took out my palm and read some emails that I had missed. The first one I opened was from a fellow Christian doctor in our department. The email was bold. It said Dear colleagues - we have to repent. We have to turn to God. Let us repent and admit that we have used one excuse or another to neglect God and not followed him as we should. Let us acknowledge our dependence upon God. After reading the email, I realized that I was just like the email said. I had given lots of invalid excuses – lack of time, too busy, - and have ignored God, not recognizing my dependence upon God. I was not living as chosen people of God. You see, it is fine to gain confidence and comfort from knowing that you are chosen, but there is also responsibility - chosen people have to live as chosen people. We should live as a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God. The chosen of God should delight in praising him, should praise God day and night. Should hold out the word of life, should not neglect God. Chosen people should be active soldiers of Christ's army, we should be fighting for the gospel and not lazing around. I remembered David - the bible says "In the Spring when kings go to war, David was in his palace" - and what happened - he was making arrangements to see his daily peepshow. This sin resulted in great tragedy in David's life - Nathan's rebuke, his son's disobedience, Tammon and Ammon, and taking over of the city of David, and eventually the death of his sons. If we are not fighting the battle that we should  be, we are not living as chosen people, we will fall into serious sin.  So there in my sick bed I repented of my sin and decided to live as chosen people of God. Twas grace that first taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved. My fears of the illness melted away.

 

But over the next few days as my lungs got worse and I got hooked onto oxygen and I saw more and more of my colleagues falling ill, my friends going into intensive care, it was very hard on my heart. I started to question the goodness of God and despite reading many psalms I found little relief. With what I saw in front of my eyes, I found it hard to believe that we have a good and mighty God. I took to listening to some Christian music to pass time. And came to Don Moen - God is good all the time. I found it hard to sing along to it. Physically and more importantly spiritually. But by the third chorus - the Spirit of God moved upon me and I found myself singing along, not just my lips, but my soul has been recruited. I wept in the truth that God is good all the time. Christians who live by faith do not believe God because of what they see in front of their eyes, but what they know in their faith. Hope is believing what we do not yet see. What am I to choose? Should the reality in front of me dictate how I trust God, or should my faith? I further realized David's point. The really important thing is not whether we suffer or not, but whether God is with us or not. The psalmist says - better is one day in your courts thann a thousand elsewhere. Better to be a doorman at God's house than to live in luxury in the tents of the wicked. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego said “But even if God does not save us "we want you to know O king that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."

Habbakkuk writes "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines. Though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food. Though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” Because God is my Savior, so I will believe in Him and rejoice in Him even when in front of my eyes, there are no healthy patients in the beds, there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls.

 

And God is good - We have seen and testify to his mighty acts of healing and his awesome deeds of mercy. We have prayed for very sick people - who have recovered. We have prayed for doctors who fell ill treating us who was needing to be intubated and ventilated - and they miraculously needed a lot less oxygen and did remarkably well. We have come out of the crisis and we have been chosen, preserved, to testify to you all that - God indeed is good – all the time.