THE WEDDING

Ok…the wedding…the true highlight of the weekend. The reason everyone had shown up in the first place.

Things began with some loose pow-wowing about an hour before people were let in, followed by early entrance for Ghastlee and Suspira’s families, who took their places up front.

At about 7:45 the doors flung wide open, and Griffin (as mentioned earlier) had the Herculean task of rounding everyone into the room. It was fantastic – an utter joy to watch, and brilliantly successful.

Shortly after 8pm, Ghastlee arrived in front of the hotel in a hearse chauffeured by Grim, of the Patient Creatures. Undaunted by taunts of “It’s Not Too Late” and “Dead Ghoul Walking” (hey! Who invited Albertstein to this?!) he walked right on in, and took his place on stage.

8:15 -The Bride Of Ghastlee and most of the lovely Bridesmaids arrived, also in the Hearse driven by Grim, and made their stunning entrance through the hotel, and into the now packed room, where music was to begin.

(Shout out to the guy sitting in the third row that let me take his isle seat so I could tape this for AGG and Suspira).

The music consisted of an original number by Ghastlee and Lou, followed by some old hippy song I tried to ignore. About this time I. Zombi (aka: Elvis) showed up and they rambled on some more, until it was time for Baron Mondo Von Doren, El Sapo De Tempesto, Halloween Jack and Bag O Bone to come on stage and help do Warren Zevon proud – extra credit to “Grim” who was chiming in with his own unique spin on “Werewolves of London” from the sidelines. Finally it was Dr. Freak, who came up and performed “Asshole,” just for Ghastlee.

So imagine their shock when Dr. Sarcofiguy announces that he will be singing Jim Croce’s “Time In A Bottle” while the Bride and Bridesmaids came down the isle – a song picked by Ghastlee, and a song that quickly let everyone know that (yes) while everyone is being silly and fun, that this is also a serious occasion. There was an audible gasp of recognition, and the realization that yes…this really was happening!

(Of course…Boogitishu Bob dressed as “The Robot Monster” flower girl, quickly reminded everyone where they were!)

Needing support, Ghastlee insisted that all of the Horror Host brothers join him on his side of the stage as the ceremony, performed by Carpathian and Kuzibah, began.

A letter from an absent friend was read (someone you may have heard of…Forrest J. Ackerman!), and a song from “Frankenstein Vs. The Wolfman” was performed by Remo D. (including an attack by Baron Von Wolfenstein) followed the actual wedding, as everyone walked back down the isle, and into the history books – if history books actually had the balls to write such cool things!!!

Due to miscommunication between the groom and the convention organizer, there was a longer than expected reception, which turned out to be a perfect buffer between the wedding and the rest of the spookshow. Things happen for a reason; or at least that weekend they did!!

The red-velvet cake was cut with a trowel donated by Kyra Shon; Tom “Evil Dead” Sullivan made good on his promise and showed up dressed as Batman; the toasts from Professor Griffin and Dr. Creep were quite warm and impressive; the bouquet of flowers was caught by Ghastlee’s real life daughter, while the garter was snagged by Bag O Bone’s human form – Del; pizza was ordered, and drinks from the bar were had; and everyone gravitated towards their own little cliques and laughed and laughed and then laughed some more.

Hosted by Butch R. Cleaver (a man who was born to do this), and score tallied by his lovely wife Joan Cleaver, the show was a tremendous success. They took the roughest idea, and with the help of the hosts in the skit, made it their own.

Two teams (one hosts/one fans) competed for fabulous prizes (porn!). The Hosts took an early lead, and it looked like they would walk away with it, until they were joined by Halloween Jack’s constant sore-spot, “Bag O Bones,” who interrupted his team-mates, giving out wrong answer after wrong answer until the fans won.

Right before we left on Sunday, I was given a stack of tapes from their fantastic show, “Meet Cleaver Theatre,” that I am salivating over watching soon (the good VHS player I had broke last week). Hopefully they will be the next Horror Host duo to be married by Carpathian and Kuzibah!! They, and their show, will be around for a long, long time, I predict!

The second skit, done between reels 1 and 2, was the Giant Big Foot Cookie Eating Contest that was the best! After Grimsburger downed a can of processed meat and then assassinated his cookie (as an example), four shlubs from the audience (more than likely still full from the pizza) tried their best to be the first to consume a cookie the size of Rhode Island . With Grim and The Mortician on hand as judges (Mort made things worse by lingering Grimsburger’s discarded “Spam” can under the contestant’s noses as they tried to wolf down the cookies! YIKES!), at some point everyone began to wonder if we would ever see a winner! Thankfully someone did finish the cookie, and the movie continued.

The third skit of the night was the impromptu work of Baron Von Wolfenstein (in his “Tim” make-up), and Remo D., who both did an excellent job of telling jokes, swapping stories, and hamming it up before the third and final reel of the movie began.

To conclude the evening, the Bride and Gloom (Suspira and Ghastlee) hit the stage, with Baron von Tim, for an old classic “The Theme From Spider Baby,” which maybe turned out to be the highlight of Professor Griffin’s weekend…it was hard to tell. The only thing that would have made Grif’s life better that weekend is if his family had been there.

I wish I could say that the evening ended there for me, because it was an exhausting day and the trip back home would be long, however I was up to 3am, talking with friends, making new ones, and listening to the ideas of the gentlemen behind the Horror Host documentary, that had camped out over the weekend at the hotel, and had been very busy gathering interviews.

I did sleep very well. Next>>

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