October 28, 2004
so. those are 3 precious hours i'm never getting back. yesterday i spent 2 hours sitting in a waiting room at urgent care waiting for approval from my doctor for treatment. 2 hours later i was DENIED and was forced to schedule an appointment. and can i just say...HOW RUDE!!! i'm sorry... but i really dont think it's necessary to scold a patient for not knowing which means to go for a minor viral infection of the eye. today it was all cleared up... but if i hadn't gone to see her, i would have been penalized with a fine that was more than my co-pay. so. i sit in the waiting room. get passed up by three other patients (those of which should have gone to urgent care instead of moving appointments back an hour) only to be seen by a doctor that thought nothing of me but a clueless little filipino child that wasn't taught how to speak or understand tagalog. (um. excuse me, but the last time i checked, i never asked to be spoken to in tagalog, and i never asked to be treated this way). so after i told her about my symptoms (irritation, light sensitivity, a SCRATCH ON MY CORNEA), she checks my RETINA for infection and nothing else. writes a prescription for eyedrops, and sends me out with nothing but a "okay, you're done." i thanked her and she gives me a nod without even looking up.

needless to say... i'm switching doctors.

and someone please keep tabs on me. when i have my own practice... PLEASE DO NOT LET ME BE SO CONDESCENDING! remind me that i'm there to heal, and not solely for the paycheck. remind me that i'm dealing with people, and not objects that need to be "dealt with," and regardless of how stressful the day has been, that my patients look to me for support and comfort.


October 25, 2004
so i got pink eye. for the first time EVER. holy crap. that's something i NEVER ever EVER wanna get ever again!

for those of you who have never had the pleasure of coming down with such a horrid condition, lemme break it down for ya. You wake up feeling crusty and sore, like you fell asleep with your contacts in and for some reason your eye decided to stay wide open while you were in REM-mode. it's not dry eyes, it's not itchy eyes, it's not just red... IT'S ALL OF THE ABOVE! Lucky for me, the first day i had it, i stayed in my dark, dreary room away from the painful UV light of the sun. BUT ON THE SECOND DAY... (play dramatic intro here)... OUCH!!! not only did my eyes burn, not only did they never stop dripping with tears, not only were they sore like i had a black eye... they were also SUPERSENSIVE TO LIGHT!!! yeah. heading direct west with the sun blinding you from your rear-view mirror is not a happy event when you're tryin to dodge through rush hour traffic. i had to exit FIVE TIMES because i couldnt focus on the road anymore.

and then i get to work... yeah. and everyone avoids you. "eewww! that's contagious!!" well only if i touch you! geez. i'm not a leper. i'm just contaminated. and can i just tell you? it's not easy to sell cosmetics to someone when you're physically unable to wear them yourself. so here i am, tryin to teach someone how to do their makeup, and i have NONE on. (and that kind of humilation would have a post of its own if i had the time for it). needless to say, i only sold fragrance that day.

it's gotten better. but i wish i could go to the doctor to get it taken care of. i went to see my pharmacist, which helped... but doesnt compare to antibiotics.

the lesson here? dont pack your schedule so much, cuz then you cant go to the doctor.

i know it's not MUCH of a lesson. but hey... let me contaminate your eye and maybe you can feel my pain.

yeah. exactly. that's what i thought.


10.21.04.uh.hur.
HAH! wanna see somethin funny? i remember writin this stuff when i was in high school. it was my own guide to stuff i kinda understood but didnt. =P enjoy!
supercharging
horsepower and torque
ignition timing
turbo
V-tec
wheel weight

now i'm plenty sure that many of the things on there are OUT OF DATE. but remember... this was written in the late 90s. =P hahah! (wow. late 90s. like it was a million years ago. damnit i'm old)


October 21, 2004
i should really be showing more signs of stress than i actually am. no really. because everything is a mess, and i'm not even caring as much as i should/could.

vacation really reminded me how sleep can cure everything... and yet destroy everything at the same time. my attitude has been a lot better. a lot sunnier... even in this gloom and doom of san diego weather. i'm being a lot more optimistic about things... at work... at school... in life. and yet... it seems like i'm doing a lot less to make it so. because i'm sleeping more. (okay. really. i've slept at like 930ish/10ish the past few nights). i dont like it because i'm not getting as much done. i'm not getting ANYTHING done that i really need to get done. (e.g. Homework, take-home work from work, laundry, cleaning, etc). i feel like such a lazy bum. i like it. but i hate it. ya gets?

dang. see what being relaxed does to your productivity? =P

dear erik. i miss you online. and you havent called me back yet. what's up with that? and how come you havent told me your new address yet? that makes me sad. i'm suffering from erik-withdrawal. i'm crying you a river. see? san diego is all flooded now. and it's all YOUR FAULT! ilybinilwy, mar

i picked up a new book! yey! i'm excited =)


October 19, 2004
thursday afternoon i suffered a loss. immediately after, i gained a friend.

something inside my head knows that it's wrong. but another part of me just wants to be happy. i know myself, and i know that it's easy for me to get over things. but upon further analysis i realized something. i just bury it with others. a form of instant gratification to temporarily seal the wound so i wont have to deal with it. but what can i do? in my world, everyone is replace-able. (sp?) dont get me wrong... there's a difference between forgettable and replaceable. but i need a certain amount of "happy" to keep things stable. and maybe i should just learn to deal with it. but... this is my way. so. i dont know. what can i say?

in any case, that's how i cope. it's how i learned. and at least i'm aware of it. ugh. nm. no point rationalizing here. it's too cold and too rainy.


October 18, 2004
if it's any consolation, i loved you too


October 14, 2004
so on tuesday i went to the Counter Manager meeting in Southcoast. got to see what it was really about. how the other CMs really acted without all the BAs watching. and just as i expected.... they're a snooty bunch. the only ones i could talk to or felt comfortable around were the 2 newbies and the other lady that had been with Lauder for longer than i've had my period. but HOLY CRAP. i have a big load ahead of me. and i better get paid to do it. =P

but that's not really why i'm here. is it? well... maybe. but not really.

shortly after, i visited James at his casa in downtown-ish Long beach. i figger.. he's a friend. he always gets on my case about keeping in touch, calling, blah blah blah. so i called. i came over. and we kicked it. sounds normal, right? yea. but when has my relationship with james EVER been normal?

there was somethin hangin in the air. i was tryin SO hard to ignore it. and i'm not exactly sure what it was. but for a while it just seemed like he was angry with me about something. and that he wanted to tell me something but if he said anything it would blow up into something big. he kept mentioning that it was weird that we were still friends. given the circumstances from years back, i guess i could see where he was comin from. but i thought that all of that was water under the bridge. i thought we had both gotten over that already. i thought that it was no longer an issue. but maybe i was wrong. and if i am, then it hurts.

it goes back to the same thing again. yes, there are scars. and yes, there were really bad times. but i thought everything was already said and done, and with that being, that it's over. not so much of a clean slate, but as much of a new beginning as possible. friends. i just dont understand what it is thats so hard about it.

but i never do.

what did they call me? a serial dater? something along those lines? no regret? no remorse? i see it, but i dont. i just think that if people say they'll get over it, then they should get over it. (and in this case, i mean that in a very broad sense. this just doesnt apply to james. it applies to a lot of other people too)


October 13, 2004
there's some lyrics on blogspot that i had to leave. just for the sake of timesaving, imma keep em there. but they're meant to be here. thanks.


10.07.04:1705
yo. i'm DONE!!! hooray! geez. it took 16 hours (in the span of 18... because i went to 2 classes), but i finished!! uh. i'm SO beat.

sorry Kurtis. happy 21st bro...
sorry Jo. wish i could be there to watch you make a fool of yourself...
sorry 410 buddies. wish i could celebrate with you....

BUT MAR'S GOTTA SLEEP!!!!


October 7, 2004
for a LONG version of the stresses in my life, i added a couple of hella long posts concerning the topic on my blogspot. it's pretty boring. its just me doing a lot of bitching about my responsibilities. not so sure if you'd be interested. because really.... i would rather be entertained than depressed or stressed. (hey that rhymed)

btw, i'm just taking a little break from writing my experimental design paper. i've been at it for the past few hours. and when i say few hours, i mean MANY. no really. i've been in the RBR (it's 10:11am right now) since 11:00 last night. i just went home to change and drive my brother to work because i was starting to hallucinate at about 6am (which probably means i shouldnt have started driving when i started hallucinating, but whatever). but i got to take a few micro naps during my art history lecture. yikes. this has taken forever! and i'm about halfway done. its okay. i'll finish. dedication, damnit.

but here's a little entertainment. this made me happy during class. well... not happy. but it was distracting.

My roommate and i have the exact same phone, only the phones have different times on them. He asked me how we were going to tell our phones apart. Easy, I told him, mine is the one with the correct time on it. Well how do I know which one is displaying the correct time? You look at my phone, I told him. But how do I know which phone is yours? It's the one with the correct time on it, dummy.

hah! okay. well it made ME laugh outloud during class.

there were a couple of other articles that just made me bust out randomly during a Sampling Design lecture. "Love in a time of Herpes" and "How to swear: A lesson in diction." If you're not familiar with number II magazine, i suggest you stop by the basement of the Life Sciences building (next to the old Psych office)and pick yourself up a copy. hm. funny how it was next to that particular office.

wait. no time for thinking games right now. i have a paper to write.