Author: Innominate

Author's Note:  Rating is PG-13, mainly for the sexual situations and innuendo events that occur in this chapter and the next.  Please take note!  Also some mild language, but for the purposes of this fic, Joey's mind is dirtier than his mouth.  :) 

The Yu-Gi-Oh! movie referred to in this fic is a summary of the actual first-season 'movie' released in Japan (more like a thirty-minute commercial for duel monsters, but Yugi's adorable even when he's doing product placement.)  And huge thanks to D. Draggy who allowed me to make an allusion to her story Being Dead Ain't Easy in the last paragraph of the ski slope scene.  If you haven't read it and the reference to Joey being a disembodied spirit attached to Kaiba by magic intrigues you, I highly recommend you read it.  ^^

Thanks for the reviews!  Personal responses are at the end of the corresponding chapters (that is, review responses for chapter two are at the end of chapter two, etc.) in order not to falsely inflate the size of the current chapter.  Thanks for being patient during the last update when I didn't have them.

Disclaimer:  If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh!, Yugi's hair would not look magenta on half the merchandise.  Since I don't, I'll settle for parodying it. 

Yugi's already gone Yami on me by the time I go down to breakfast the next morning, and he meets me in the corridor that leads to the main lodge. Apparently he's more than gotten over his ambivalence about the snow and looks eager to hit the slopes, though one reason I can tell it's Yami is that he's not quite as hyper as Yugi would be. When Yami gets excited he just looks cocky. Whereas Yugi does his best imitation of a ball and bounces off the walls.

"Yugi sleepin' in today?" I ask since no one's in the hall with us who'd wonder why I was speaking to 'Yugi' in third person, or for that matter, why I'm asking an obviously conscious person if he's sleeping.

"We did stay up late last night," Yami says. He tugs at his collar, 'cause he's already wearing his ski clothes but they're too warm for inside of the lodge. I notice he's got his own scarf today. Magenta, to match his hair. Or excuse me—latently red but repressing it, since Yugi gets mad if I insinuate he's wearing anything remotely associated with pink. Not my fault I know my Crayolas.

Anyway, his reply doesn't really tell me anything. I have to ask, "And did Yugi do this voluntarily, or were ya duelin' Yami Bakura again?"

Yami looks affronted, though whether it's because I assumed he was causing problems with Yugi or keepin' company with Yami Bakura is anyone's guess. "We were just—talking—a long time."

Yami obviously wasn't paying attention when Yugi gave the exact same excuse yesterday. Makes it easier for me. I raise my eyebrows. "That's just what Bakura said yesterday, too."

"So, Yugi says I need to try this thing called a pancake, Joey," Yami says, choosing this time to approach the dining hall. "Where are they?"

Yup. They were duelin'. Or if not, I probably don't wanna know what they were doin'. Those shadow games, man, they're freaky. And—no, not that kind of freak, geez.

But breakfast is fun. First I introduce Yami to the modern invention I like to call a coat rack so he doesn't sweat through the entire meal. I make sure he notices the astounding similarities between it and Kaiba before letting him move on to the pancake bar. After educating him on the differences between blueberry and apple cinnamon, I tell him he has to get at least a dozen of whatever he chooses if he wants to compete with Tristan an' me. He declines—he actually declines. I thought the guy never turned down a challenge, but then again, he's probably had advance warning from Yugi about the side effects of our last pizzathon. Oh well, his loss.

Then when we sit down, Téa picks up on the fact that it's Yami right away and the entire time I make her blush by dropping hints about her crush on him. 'Cause ya know, I'm dense, but I'm not that dense—it's about as obvious as our principal's toupee. Though in spite of that fact Yami still doesn't notice it because he's only got eyes for Yugi. No, that's not quite what I meant. It's just that he's more interested in the body he's livin' in than some girl's. Hold it, I didn't mean that either. It's just that touching Yugi is like touching himself. Ya know, I'm burying myself here.

Anyway. As for the others, Tristan and Duke are starting to get highly annoying with the buddy routine. But even I gotta admit that it is pretty funny when they use their powers for good instead of evil and tag-team to annoy Kaiba, who's in a corner with his laptop all by himself. Duke pulls all sorts of dice tricks on him, and Kaiba tries to ignore him, but finally takes the bait. I can't hear what they're saying but I don't have to. It goes a little something like this:

Duke says, "I can move the dice from under the cup without even touching it. In fact, they're already gone."

Kaiba says, "They are not," and picks up the cup to prove it.

Then—you guessed it—Duke picks up the dice and wins. In other words, same trick I fell for. Geez. And who's calling who the dumb mutt?

But I finally stalk over and pull them away when it looks like Kaiba's gettin' so hot under the collar that he could fry bacon on his neck. I don't do it to be nice or anything. It's just that I'm the one who has to live with him. Kaiba leaves right afterwards, but not before giving me this weird sort of glare as if he's not sure if he should kick me or pat me on the head and say "good dog."

And then Bakura's quiet most of the time, leading me to believe Yami Bakura has sensed Yami Yugi's presence and is just lyin' in wait. It's more than a little freaky, but nothin' happens. He just fakes a pleasant-Bakura smile when we finish and separates from the rest of us, heading off to a more wooded area of the ski resort. That kinda worries me—all those cute furry critters better be in hibernation by now because I get the feeling Yami Bakura eats cute for breakfast. And raw at that.

At the door, Yami and I part ways with the others again, and after we've gathered up his ski stuff and are walkin' outside he looks at me. "So, Joey..."

"No way." I cut him off before he can even suggest it. "I absolutely refuse to take Introduction to Skiing more than twice."

Yami and Mai didn't trust me on any of the other ski slopes yesterday for some reason. I swear. Get your zipper caught on the rope tow once and consequently almost hang yourself and people lose all sorts of faith in you.

Yami's look is not exactly confidence inducing, but he just nods. "In that case, Mai suggested we try that course first." He points to one just past the bunny slope. "Just to warm-up, she said."

On the one hand, if Mai suggested it with me in mind it's probably little more intimidating than the bunny slope. I guess that makes it the jackrabbit slope. And then on the other hand, it's the one Kaiba pointed to yesterday. Which would make it the jackass slope. However, if he thinks Yami can take it, I gotta prove that I can do the same.

Yami and I ride the ski lift up to the top of the nearest beginner course. The lift operator has to stop the lift for me when I'm enjoying it so much I forget to jump off at the end. Oops. And then we're standin' at the top of the hill and looking down. All that snow, just waiting to be crisscrossed with ski tracks. All those beginners, just waiting to be run over.

I look at Yami. "Race you to the bottom."

He tosses his latently-red-but-repressing-it scarf over his shoulder. "You're on."

Actually—we're off. Racing down the slope, that is. Yami beats me, but I'm right behind him. Well, halfway up the slope while he's already reached the bottom. But it's not my fault.

"That four-year-old cut me off," I protest when I reach him. "You saw him, right?"

He nods solemnly. "Yes, that was a vicious little toddler." I think I'm bein' patronized.

"I'm tellin' ya, the punks are getting younger and younger." But I square my shoulders and give Yami a look. "Rematch?"

We ride the ski lift again. I flummox Yami with the question of which came first, skiing or the ski lift. I say the ski lift, because if you can't get to the top of the mountain, how are you supposed to ski? He's still puzzling the mechanics of that when we get to the top. I remember to jump off this time.

"You go first," he tells me. Excuse me? Is he tryin' to give me a head start? C'mon, I'm better than that.

"No way!" We argue over it. But when both of us just stand around stupidly instead of skiing, I finally take him up on it just to show him up. I'm not taking that sitting down.

Okay, apparently I am. I round the short corner at the top of the slope only to fall over and flounder in the path of a grooming machine. You know, one of those things that's the opposite of a snowplow—it packs the snow and whatever else is in its way, whether it be rocks, branches, or humans. I try to scramble out of the way, but every time I'm halfway up I start sliding down the slope again and land right back on my ass. Meanwhile the operator, who looks like he belongs in a Stephen King novel, is aiming directly for me with a maniacal grin. Why do these things always happen to me?

I'm frantically tryin' to make it to the safety of the bushes and wondering if anyone will believe my death was not accidental when who should come flying around the curve—scarf billowing magnificently behind him like a brilliant magenta cape—but my knight in shining millennium puzzle, Yami. He swoops down, pulls me to my feet, and saves me the overgrown tractor. Which is something like favor number five-hundred sixty-three that I owe the guy.

At the bottom, my life is still occasionally flashin' before my eyes, but you know what they say. If ya fall off the ski lift, get right back on again. Or something like that. I look at Yami again. "Another rematch?"

And we ride the ski lift. I'm starting to think I should just stay on at the end—I could ride this thing all day and have just as much fun as on the slopes. But the third time's the charm, because Yami and I take off at the same time and I can keep up with him. In fact, halfway down the slope I'm actually starting to gain an edge on him.

And then that mogul gets in my way. I lean down to ski over it in a kneeling position, but I lose my balance and end up fallin' on my ass. Thing is, I'm going so fast I end up flyin' over the bump in a sitting position, butt and feet perfectly parallel to the ground. I make it almost to the bottom of the hill this way.

When I skid to a stop, two stoners are staring at me in awe. "That was an awesome trip, dude," one tells me. I can't tell if he's talking about his or mine.

"Uh, thanks." I dust the snow off my jacket, hoping if I ignore them they'll go away. Yami skis up to me and pulls me to my feet. Again. On the bright side, guess this means I finally won, though considering the circumstances, pride ain't exactly what I'm feelin'. I stare up at the slope. I'm thinking of another quote—if at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. And then give up. No sense bein' stupid about it.

"Ya wanna see what else there is to do around this place?" I ask Yami.

Even though he needs to practice for his competition, Yami amiably agrees to walk around the ski resort with me. It's got lots of other things besides ski slopes. There's snow tubing, which looks fun, but I've spent enough time coasting across the snow on my ass, thanks. Maybe tomorrow.

We pick Téa up at the ice-skating rink. She's out there doin' figure eights and stuff, and she's pretty good, actually, thanks to her dance training. After I embarrass her by whoopin' it up and pretending to give commentary, making up the names of her jumps as I go along (Triple Brown Cow, anyone?) she skates off the rink and agrees to go up to the lodge with us to get hot cocoa. Though we take the scenic route—in other words, we start walking in the opposite direction, 'cause we still haven't explored the whole resort.

We pass the second beginner slope and Yami and I agree to try it after lunch. We spot Tristan and Duke in the lift line for one of the intermediate slopes and Yugi and Téa wave at them while I glare at their stupid matching wraparound sunglasses. I bet they think they look so cool. Hate to break it to them, but as long as their faces are visible it's a lost cause.

Farther on we pass an expert course. Only the hairpin curve is in view from the path we're standing on. So we're gawking at the speed the people go flying around it when what do we see but what looks like a tall brown-haired mop wearing a white anorak go by. I'm speechless. I probably shouldn't be—I mean, the guy's been a millionaire CEO and duel monster's champion all before the age of sixteen, but isn't that enough?

"Okay, that's just not fair," I say. "He can ski, too?" At least Kaiba's currently fighting bankruptcy and had his title taken away by Yami. It's small consolation.

"You didn't think that he'd challenge Yugi without expecting to win, did you?" Téa points out. She shivers. "I'm getting a little cold, guys—can we start walking towards the lodge now?"

"Sure." Yami and I both agree, but I let Téa take the lead. When Yami lags behind to figure out what I'm doin', I lean over and whisper to him, "I'll try it if you try it."

Yami looks like he's thinkin' about it, and then grins. "Yugi says I'm not breaking our neck on a dare."

"He's here?" I look around out of reflex, and then make sure Téa's not listening. 'Course, she understands this whole Yami/Yugi thing better than I do, but seeing as the explanation would be accompanied by a scolding, I'll waive my right to both.

"In a manner of speaking." Yami smiles. "He likes to eavesdrop on a certain person when she doesn't know he's listening." And then I can tell his attention's not really on me anymore. "You do too." A pause while he's listening. "Oh yeah? And just who were you looking at the other day instead of paying attention to that great move I made in my duel against Duke?"

Heh. I leave Yami alone to argue with his other self. Ya know, now that I think about it, it's good that Yami and Yugi are friends, what with how much time they have to spend together. Gives me reason to be thankful Kaiba and I are only rooming together for a week. I mean, just suppose it was me who was a disembodied spirit permanently attached to him by magic. I shudder. Yeah, that would work out nicely. Over my dead body.

~~~

So I get to hang out with the other Yugi after dinner. The real Yugi, that is. I mean, not that Yami's not real. Well, technically speaking, guess that depends on what your definition of real is, but anyway. I'm hangin' out with little Yugi. Though he'd kick me if he heard me say that. He's usually not that violent, but I teased him once that it looked like he was a head taller whenever Yami was in control, and I was limping for a week afterwards.

But we're by ourselves, 'cause Téa and Mai are going to the lodge's spa for—get this—a mud bath. Girls. They won't step in a mud puddle, but they willingly submerse themselves in mud in the name of beauty. Where's the logic? And Tristan and Duke are hitting Dan Brown and Adam Reese's everlasting party. They invited me, but I know when I'm a third wheel.

As for Bakura, or rather Yami Bakura, he hasn't shown up again yet. Which is slightly worrying, though I doubt I should be more worried for his safety than other people's. Yugi was concerned, though, so after reassuring him that Bakura was probably just out there somewhere playin' around in the shadow realm—he wasn't that comforted for some reason—I invited him up to my room so he didn't sit in his room and spaz all by himself. We're watching TV together when Kaiba wanders in.

He walks straight past me. "Yugi." He nods hello, and then stops and narrows his eyes. "You're on my bed."

Yugi scrambles off, a pink tint to his cheeks, and I scoot over so he can sit with me. "Hello to you, too, roomie," I say. Kaiba rolls his eyes. He moves his suitcase to where Yugi was sitting, starts looking through it, and then looks at the program we're watching.

"Cartoons, mutt?"

"Hey, it's a beautiful story," I defend myself. "The little boy is so afraid to lose that he won't play duel monsters. He finds the rare Red Eyes Black Dragon in his booster pack, but only those with the courage to duel can unlock its true potential. It's a real tear-jerker."

"Well, one good jerk deserves another," Kaiba mutters, then blinks. I snicker. Glad I'm not the only pervert in the room, as Yugi looks like he doesn't get it.  Obviously I'm fallin' down on his sex ed.  Must remedy that sometime.

Kaiba gives me a dirty look. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Better make it a cold one."

"Shut up." He stomps to the bathroom, but I swear he slams the door more gently than usual. He's laughing on the inside. Though I should probably be insulted the guy can't talk to me for longer than five minutes without feelin' the urge to shower.

When we hear the water start to run a minute or so later, Yugi looks at me. "That wasn't so bad," he says tentatively. "Was it?"

I know he's not just talkin' about the conversation. But when I say to him, "Nah, we're survivin' it," I'm actually not lying—once Kaiba and I get our obligatory insults out of the way we're cool, as long as we stay out of each other's hair. Because amazingly enough, I've discovered that his mere presence is not enough to annoy me. When he opens his mouth, that changes the whole equation, but as long as he keeps quiet and works on his laptop, I almost feel a certain amount of affection toward him. That is, I feel the same way about him as I do about my moldy old baby blanket—ya sure don't wanna hug it, but ya just can't bring yourself to throw it out.

Yugi looks relieved, and then he gives me one of his patent Yugi-grins, the one that's so dazzling that if I turned out the lights right now I'd still be able to see. "I'm glad you're trying to make it work, Joey," he says, and suddenly I'm really glad too. "Instead of trying to intentionally antagonize Kaiba by stealing his stuff or something."

I laugh. "Yugi, my man, you've been hangin' around Tristan an' me way too long. That's like something he would say."

Yugi grins again, either because he's proud he made me laugh or because I called him a man. "No, that's something he would tell you to do," he teases back.

He means it as a joke, but all my warm fuzzies suddenly become cold and prickly. Because he's right. Normally Tristan would've had a thousand practical jokes and back-up pranks to help me pull on Kaiba—pull on Kaiba? That's disgusting, I'd have to cut off my hand. Anyway, has Tristan given me a single word of advice since I've been here? No, he's playin' tricks with Duke now—and that sounds even worse than pullin' on Kaiba.

But for all I'd like to blame it on Tristan, it's not totally his fault. I mean, what've I been doin'? I'll tell ya what. Stopping Tristan and Duke from harassing Kaiba and talkin' Solitaire with him. Sure, it makes Yugi happy, but when my judgment is not otherwise impaired by that glow-in-the-dark smile, it's not like me. What was I thinking? Okay, so I was probably thinking my nose is happiest unbroken. But when has fear of a little violence stopped me before?

"Joey?" Yugi's noticed my frown, and his voice has gone all soft and wobbly. I swear, the only thing more effective is when the same thing happens to his eyes. "Are you okay?"

Of course I'm not. I'm over here losing not only one of my oldest pals but my reputation as class cut-off. But then again—why am I moping? I don't need him. I got other buddies to corrupt, and one of them is staring at me with the aforementioned Soft and Wobbly Eyes now.

"Yug," I say slowly, "That's a brilliant idea."

"What?" It dawns on him. Soft and Wobbly becomes Wide and Frantic. "No, Joey, I didn't mean..."

I clap him on the back. "Yug, don't ya know? The road to friendship is paved with pranks and inside jokes. I'm not pickin' on him, I'm offerin' him a hand."

Yugi pauses. "Well, that explains a lot about how we met."

He sounds unsure if that's a good thing. Okay, so maybe I should rethink my philosophy sometime. For now, no sense wasting good resolve. I stand up and walk over to the bathroom door. "C'mon, we don't have much time."

"We?" Yugi asks, following like a puppy bein' taken to the pound. "Joey, what are we doing?"

"We're stealing his towels."

Yugi just gapes at me. Okay, so it's not one of my most original ideas, but I'm improvising here.

"Joey!"

I should probably feel guilty at the look of fear on Yugi's face. It's not like the guy doesn't have a sense of humor. It's just that he's also got common sense and knows that intentionally provoking Kaiba is like askin' for a knuckle sandwich with a side of broken ribs. I should know—I've still got the bruise to prove it.

And you'd think that'd be a lesson for me, but I've got a point to make. I compromise with him. "Don't worry, bud, I'll keep your name out of it. Now are ya with me?"

He smiles weakly, but we don't call him 'loyal lil' Yugi' for no reason. "What do I have to do?"

Way to be a man, Yug. Kid's got more balls than a bag of marbles. "Just stand by the door and catch the towels that I give you," I say. "Quietly." He nods nervously. I crack the door open just enough to peek in. The shower curtain's opaque instead of clear, which is lucky for me in more ways than one. I've seen plenty of nuts in my time, but I prefer 'em to be the edible kind. Well, technically speaking...ya know, if I finish that thought I think I'm gonna be sick.

But I got other things to think about—Kaiba's been in there a while and us guys don't take long showers. Téa once told me a girl can spend thirty minutes in the shower. I don't get it, what do they do in there? Not that I wouldn't mind watchin' to find out. My point is, I gotta hurry. Once I'm sure he ain't about to cut the water off, I sneak in.

It's hot in here. The ventilator doesn't work and I'm catching all the steam that drifts out. He's got a towel on the lid of the toilet, and I snatch that. 'Course there are other courtesy towels hanging above it, and as it'd be really pointless to steal one towel and leave two, I take those too, and for good measure, the washcloths. I pass them over to Yugi. He's holdin' them like they're contaminated. 'Course they may have touched Kaiba's body, so it's not like I blame him. Poor Yugi. I should've thought this through better—if he gets some communicable disease it'll be all my fault.

But as for me, I grab the bathrobe hanging on the door and the clothes sitting on the sink, and then take a hand towel and leave it strategically on the toilet, both to flaunt the fact that I've been there and to give him a chance to cover his, err, dignity. Then I sneak out but don't shut the door all the way.

"Put the towels over on the table," I whisper to Yugi, "and then now would be a good time to get out."

Yugi does what I ask but stands in the door before leaving. "What are you doing?" he asks.

In answer I stuff the clothes in the closet and then sneak back in the bathroom. I glance at the shower curtain, and then in one smooth motion flush the toilet and run out. There's a pause and then a yelp.

"YOU DAMN MUTT!"

"Run, Yugi!" I push him out the door and shut it, then run over to the table. I grab the first thing I see, a pamphlet on the lodge. I pretend like I've been perusing it the entire time and try to ignore the fact that the water's stopped runnin' and my heart's poundin'.

My eye catches a legend, and I glance over it. Maybe when I'm not in danger of losing anything from my life to a limb, I'll really read it. It explains the levels of ski slopes, and there's a picture of the course Kaiba was on today with a double diamond beside it. I'm able to catch that it's called Dead Man's Curve. And there's also a picture of the beginner course Yami and I were on today—that one is Santa's Beard. I feel ever so competent.

And then I hear an ominous dripping sound behind me, and a deep voice I wish I didn't recognize half so easily asks, "Are you squinting, mutt?"

I turn around, and—

"Shit, Kaiba, I'm gonna be scarred for life!" I feel a gag coming on, 'cause he's standing in front of me, hands on hips, in all his glory. But the worst thing is, I can see why. Literally—I'm gettin' an eyeful. The guy's got nothin' to be ashamed of. As if I need any more reasons to feel inferior. I mean, really—millionaire, duel monsters champion, elite skier, and now this?

I throw my hands over my face so he can't see my shock, or worse, realize that it's flattering. Apparently it works, 'cause he's pissed. I can hear him stomping as he grabs a towel off the table. "What did you expect with a prank like that?"

It wasn't one of my more brilliant moments. I keep my eyes covered and say, "That's why I left you a hand towel. Go cover yourself before you cause any more damage to my already fragile mind."

"Hm." That wasn't a normal hm. He's got different ones to match his moods. There's an angry hm, a condescending hm, and every once in a blue moon he'll have a happy hm. But I haven't heard this hm before, it almost sounds like a—sulk? He turns on the lamp—what, does he need a spotlight?—and then I hear him retreat and slam the bathroom door again. Only then do I lower my arm.

The door to the room squeaks open, and Yugi peers around it. Joey? he mouths.

I bolt across the room. "Yug, what are you still doing here?" I whisper, giving a nervous look at the bathroom door.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he whispers back.

Okay is relative. Am I physically unharmed? Sure. Am I emotionally traumatized? That too.

"I'm fine," I tell him. "Go on back to your room."

"But Joey..."

"Do it! Talk to Yami or somethin'. Tell him I saw Kaiba's baby dragon." I shut the door on his snickering. And just in time. Kaiba walks out, towel firmly around his waist, thank goodness, though unfortunately I don't have to imagine what's underneath.

"What'd you do with my clothes, mutt?" he growls.

I point mutely at the closet. He leans over to get them, the towel riding up on his hips, and all I can do is stare, riveted, though by fear or envy is anyone's guess. He goes back into the bathroom without lookin' at me, while I wipe my forehead and go over to my bed, extremely unsettled. Not exactly sure why—it's not like I've never seen other boys' bits before, after all, I've been in locker rooms. Maybe it's just because it's Kaiba, and his naked body is enough to scare anyone.

I gotta take my mind off this. I take my deck out to play a game. I shuffle the thing nine times, and—okay, what are the odds?—first card I draw is Baby Dragon. I groan, remembering what I told Yugi. I'm tryin' not to think about the fact that, Kaiba's baby dragon?

It ain't such a baby.

*

TBC...

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