From The Brain Of Tiny

Friday 10 August 2001

Was up until 5am for some reason last night, it's not something I'd advise when your not drinking and on your own. I mean it's fair enough when you've had a few beers or with friends or something it's fair enough but when your on your own theres just something pointless about it. However my original plan had been to watch Tom Green at half one, then Blackadder, Men Behaving Badly then bed... didn't exactly work out though! Weird thing I saw on tv was on Tom Green. He did a sketch involving football (soccer to our American friends) and he was wearing a football shirt and pair of jeans. Now what amazed me was of all the football teams he could have chose, all the popular teams out there, all the ones that know what it feels like to win, all the ones that people from other countries have heard of the strip Tom Green had on, the one out of every team in the world including Celtic, Rangers, Man U and some American ones he chose none other than Motherwell FC! Yes Motherwell FC my local team, the team I would support if I liked football, the team I have went to see on numerous occassions just because they make the dogs bollocks of pies and because sometimes if I'm llucky I can get into the players lounge and pick myself up a free programme and alcoholic beverage! Thing is though the strip is fucking horrible! The one he had one was an away top. Claret and amber! Vile! Anyway just wanted to point that out!! Today spent a long time online I think! Spent alot of time watching tv! Spent alot of time thinking about my life and where it's going. You know we all have those days where we think we are the most pathetic waste of space and skin and air on the planet, yesterday was my first for a while. I suppose the realism of being unemployed has finally kicked in. It's taken long enough but it's kicked in. I thought about all the shitty no brain jobs I've done since school. I thought about how most of the time, in the end I made more money while I was at school. You see while I was at school I had more scams going than I thought I could ever imagine and from the money I earned there I  didn't pay digs to my parents, then I leave and go to work and make shit wages and have to pay digs off it - 2/5s of my wages went to the upkeep of the house two fucking fifths!! Off of the wages I was getting thats sweet FA! My first full time job was in a shitty store £65 a week! £1.65 an hour! Thats it! thats what I got a week, and off that I lost two fifths to my dad! What really pissed me off was that I'd had a part time job where I worked ten less hours and made £30 more!! Thing was though I couldn't handle the hours any more. 7 am till 1730 was a long time. Walking up and down stairs, hills through wet grass, snow, in the rain, in the scorching sun, relentless for ten hours three days a week then sometimes an additional day on a Friday (this wasn't a whole day right enough it was five hours or so). This was the bullshit thats going through my head, feels like I'm the lowest life form on earth today, like shit! I didn't put From the Brain Of Tiny today basically because I wasn't in the mood, in fact I had nothing wrote out for it... couldn't even be arsed the day before to note down what I'd done! Only reason I can be arsed today is because once I feel more upbeat I want to read back on this and think just how sad it all really is! Had my first argument in a few days today! With my mum. It started out as a conversation about my 18th. She wanted to know if I wanted to bring her side of the family bowling with my dad's side or do something else exclusivly with them. I didn't want either however I decided that if I had to suffer my cousins on my mums side then everyone else had to aswell and decided to bring them along and have just one night out with my whole family. My mother then informed me that if that was the way it was going to be then I wasn't to be drinking alot! I told her I was 18, out with my family and planned to enjoy myself. I said that if I drank alot, I drank alot and if I only drank a little bit it was because I didn't want to get drunk and not because she said not to. The final nail on that coffin was when I said 'You know what? Not only will I be drinking the amount of alcohol I see fit, I'll be smoking aswell!' My mother's reply to my coment on me smoking is that I wouldn't be allowed to smoke in front of my gran, I told her that we weren't in the house, that we were in fact celebrating in a party/night out style and that I would be smoking as her durisdiction over me only goes as far as the end of our driveway. Ha ha that told her! Spent the rest of the night arsing around playing games on my computers including - Grand Theft Auto 2, Medal of Honour 2, X Squad, The Sims and Theme Park World... I was bored! Happiness - 4/10 Tv Time - 5 hours approx Online Time - 5 hours ish Arguments - 1 Time Spent Playing Games - 6 hours ish (from 2230 - 0150 0230 - 0545)  Next